Lindsay Lohan Is A Survivor!
Lindsay Lohan's new publicist dumped Barbara Walters for Jay Leno, because she didn't want to answer any questions about her personal life (insert jackoffasoftdickwhilerollingyoureyes.gif here). But we all know that the real reason Lindsay Lohan went with Jay Leno instead of Barbara is because he can smash a coke rock into neat, even lines just by flinching his chin at it. It makes even the most jaded cokehead squirt.
LiLo blows off everything (cut to every dealer in the L.A. area raising his hand while saying, "I can co-sign that!") so Barbara shouldn't have been surprised that she got the shaft, but she is. On The View yesterday morning, Barbara nearly whined the lisp out of her voice while saying that LiLo's new rep didn't give her any explanation for why the interview was canceled. LiLo's people just told the producers of 20/20 that she wasn't up to it. But ten seconds after canceling on Barbara, LiLo booked an interview with Jay Leno and Barbara thinks she went with him because he won't bring up any of her fuck-ups, and he can do that chin trick for her in the green room.
The second part of LiLo's interview with Barbara was canceled, but the first part was shot back in June on the set of Liz & Dick. Yesterday, Barbara showed a short clip from the first part of their interview and it's awkward. It's like watching a conversation between a drunk grandma and another drunk grandma who is trying hard to look sober. It's like Whatever Happened to Baby June? on ludes. Barbara brings up the little "lazy bitch overslept" story and LiLo brushes it away and mumbles about being a survivor. Bitch sounds like a survivor. She sounds like she's survived through tonsil cancer, decades of gargling with broken glass and centuries of inhaling a nicotine smoke storm daily.
And here's the new trailer for her other soon-to-be award winning masterpiece The Canyons. If you're going to watch it, then you can go ahead and scratch "anal Kegel exercises" off your to do list, because your butt will cringe during the entire trailer.
via ONTD
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Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 3:15pm.
Oh, fuck Bret Easton Ellis for using the fake retro-look to try to make his boring bullshit appealing.
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Calling it "boring" is being too kind.
That trailer was fucking terrible.
Wow! She's really a survivor since she past through a lot of problems.
BTW...it is only 11 days until Whore-o-patra!
They even have a countdown to seconds! LOL!
http://www.mylifetime.com/movies/liz-and-dick
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Does anyone remember this is a Lifetime movie? This crap isn't going to have a red carpet premiere.
As far as comparing her to Charlie Sheen, Sheen works! All his co-stars marveled at his great work ethic. Don't know how he does it, but he shows up, speaks his lines, pleasant with the crew, and leaves. Blowan is a crapfest from the get go.
Say what you will about Charlie, but he knows how to make money for his bad habits.
"The Canyons" is an appropriate name for this film, since it is symbolic of where the investors must feel they have thrown their hard earned cash into to finance this Hesperus wreck.
Seriously, James Deen's facial expressions while getting head in porn seem like "Hedda Gabler" in comparison to this. This is actual a *downgrade* from his XXX work.
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:58pm.
I woke up today and had to drink Tasters Choice instant coffee....I AM A FUCKING SURVIVOR.
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Please tell me there was, at the very least, some cream and sugar for you????? If not, I don't know how you got through such a harrowing ordeal. If so, that's some cold comfort aint it, my lil' SURVIVOR. Glad to hear you muddled through. I hope you are receiving counseling, though...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by kiwikim on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 4:13pm.
Brett Easton Ellis is a big fat mess. He was doing a book tour a few years back and had to cancel because he decided he couldn't get on a plane (security was going to find his drug stash) or some such fuckery.
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Ahahahahaha!!!
Thank you.
I knew he was a loser, but it's nice to see proof.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
I'm hearing a lot of "I" statements coming from that twat. "I'm a survivor." "Imagine how I felt." Bitch, please. YOU are fucking moron and your actions have proven anything BUT you are a survivor. I'd call you that if you managed to keep a distance from the whack job of a family, work hard, not lie, not go to jail, not get arrested...THAT would be surviving. Instead, you fell in with the rest of them.
Also, as someone who lives with a super rare debilitating neuromuscular for which there is no cure and little research, yet went back and finished law school after their diagnosis...I take offense to the whole "survivor" thing.
She survived the hurricane but she may not live through this shit fest.
They really should have kept the original title "Peen girls".
Submitted by Juniperjump on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:05pm.
I despise more the hypocrisy that pays Charlie Sheen over 1 million an episode for Anger Management just because his insane bag of problems and addictions happens to be attached to a penis
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Sorry but I have to strongly disagree. They pay Charlie that money because in spite of the fact he's a fucking train wreck he actually has talent, he still shows up for work and most importantly manages to bring in the viewers, THAT'S why they pay him the big bucks, it has NOTHING to do with the fact he has a cock. Believe me Hollywood is a whore and if you can pay the whore they let you play regardless if you have a cock ot a set of tits. Charlie gets skewered in the press as much if not more than Linds BUT again they can make money off him. The minute they can't they will cut him lose as sure sure as the day is long.
If Lindsay wasn't such a monumental fuck up and could be dependable for a hot second they would be GLAD to pay her and watch her self destruct at the same time, as long as they they get their cabbage they don't give a shit.
Hollywood doesn't see cocks or tits they only see money!
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I think you're both a little right. Charlie Sheen DOES show up on time and do his work. So yeah, that is part of it. Also, he doesn't pretend that nothing is ever his fault and that he never does anything wrong.
But I do think there is some sexism there as well. The fact is, since so many pieces of media usually follow male protagonists, male stars are harder to replace than female ones. Actresses are more replaceable. I also think in the court of public opinion, Sheen gets a bit of a free ride and gets cast as a bad ass even when he does legitimately horrible things.
But the other factor is that Sheen has been around longer, he's sort of dysfunction's mascot and people have gotten so used to that with him that it doesn't shock them anymore. Lindsay's new blood, and she never really established herself.
Then there is, in small part, family collections. Charlie might not able to have a career this long if he wasn't a Sheen/Estevez.
Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie
She is a survivor--- I can't argue with that.
What I can argue with is the idea that that's a good thing.
Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie
I already said this on youtube, but fuck it, I'm saying it again.
Dear producers of The Canyons:
Making your film look like it was directed by Ted V. Mikaels is NOT A GOOD THING.
Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie
What the fuck did Lohan think Barbara was going to talk to her about? Her fabulous movie career, Her wonderful family, Her clean living philosophy? That is her career, being a fuckup of major proportions. Bitch knew she would get more attention & publicity for pulling the plug half way through and sprouting more lies & dilusion.
Look at those saggy tits!
God I hope Leno goes all renegade on her stupid ass and asks her the questions that Barbara would have. Idiot.
Submitted by livetotell375 on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 2:04pm.
I'm sure we all could too.
And hmm, how am I a survivor? Well, I had stomach flu recently! I'm a survivor!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Has Barbara Walters had a stroke that gave her that speech defect? She is so old she should just be put to sleep so she can burn in hell.
Brett Easton Ellis is a big fat mess. He was doing a book tour a few years back and had to cancel because he decided he couldn't get on a plane (security was going to find his drug stash) or some such fuckery.
Lindsay has found her people. She'll be starring in his remake of Less Than Zero.
Is it me or does Lindsay act like she's on SNL, doing a parody of herself?
I actually hope she doesn't Winehouse, because she'll immediately be dubbed as "this generation's Marilyn" or something stupid like that. Then we'll be subjected to Lilo "memorabilia", etc. & constant talk about how she would've gotten that Oscar. No thank you.
Survivor? Fuck you. Survivor of what? That's just insulting to anyone who is a real survivor of anything. I certainly hope she DOESN'T survive her next OD. Barbara Walter channels Liz more than Hohan. She is so pathetic.
I had to tear my eyes away from her cheerless udders.
Oh, fuck Bret Easton Ellis for using the fake retro-look to try to make his boring bullshit appealing.
Now I'll never be able to play Fallout again without remembering a Lohan.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
Whingey Woehan
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Unsurprisingly, Baba's jooree was missing after this interview. Liehan smuggled it out between her saggy crab cakes (picture whatever speckled part of her anatomy you like for those).
Geezus... she's beyond delusional. Her trying & failing to act as though she's someone of substance reminds me of the movie "Predator 2", where jerry springer wannabe morton downey jr. tried to convince people he knew how to act...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Blohan could not even look Walters in the eyes while spewing her lies. A little acting talent would have come in handy...
Love the Carol Burnett as Nora Desmond reference! Dead on!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:34pm.
Every darn comment here made me laugh. You guys really bring it for the Lohan posts. I'm gonna miss them after she Winehouses *winks at Ophy*
unless the entire family Winehouses at once i think we'll be fine
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
hahahhahahaha- I love how we all detest this spoiled fucking loser.
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May spit like a girl, but I hit like a guy
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 2:17pm.
"I'm sure you could do a better job."
I definitely could....unless it involves snorting, drinking or shooting up. Then she tops me, for sure.
where can i download an entry form for that competition?! i'll just take byes on the shooting up events...
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by livetotell375 on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 2:04pm.
It probably wouldn't be that difficult to do a better job. Pretty much showing up would be enough.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
"I'm sure you could do a better job."
I definitely could....unless it involves snorting, drinking or shooting up. Then she tops me, for sure.
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May spit like a girl, but I hit like a guy
"I'm sure you could do a better job."
^^^^
I'm sure I could too.
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
Submitted by livetotell375 on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 2:04pm.
go suck a vodka bottle, Dina
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
what does it say about your 'acting talent' when the porn star is coming across like an A lister in that trailer?
I happen to like james deen's work. lol
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Miss your fucked up ways on my fucked up days.
I am glad Barbara called her out for this shit. Of course she chose Leno, who will smile and joke with her. She can handle that shit while wasted. She won;t have to keep track of her lies.
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May spit like a girl, but I hit like a guy
tolerancecompassionlove she is a very good actress....keep going Lindsay:)) why are all of you sooo angry...throwing spears at artistic endeavors..I'm sure you could do a better job.
@ EdDallas
I'm glad to see you back on the D! Your story is inspirational to others who are dealing with cancer. :-)
Hahaaaahaahaaaahaaaa!!! I love you people. I like to say "Tasters Choice" in a deep, manly, sophisticated voice like they did in the old commercials. Bwaahaaahaaaaa.
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Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:48pm.
Crackie's cleavage in that interview clip reminds me of Carol Burnett as silver screen legend Nora Desmond with her long hanging bewbs.
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That was some hysterical shit! That whole crew had it going on!
Go Verb Yourself!
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:38pm.
ITA. Anybody that proclaims unearned "survivor" status should have that status revoked.
My sister-in-law's mother is one of those people who calls herself a survivor. She's an evil cunt who has several lawsuits going at any given time. It's her and herself against the world.
As for "The Canyons", my first husband was an amateur film maker. And the trailer for this shite makes him look like Martin Fucking Scorsese.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by MrrKat on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 1:54pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:38pm.
And can we get MK to live-blog the premiere of "Diz and Lick"? Or Sweetas? Or sucky?
Hear, hear! I don't have cable, but I may actually head over to my mom's just to watch. And LOL that my phrase for this craptastic fiasco lives on. :-P
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I don't have cable either but I'm sure there will be online streaming links.
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 12:38pm.
And can we get MK to live-blog the premiere of "Diz and Lick"? Or Sweetas? Or sucky?
Hear, hear! I don't have cable, but I may actually head over to my mom's just to watch. And LOL that my phrase for this craptastic fiasco lives on. :-P
Cockroaches are the ultimate survivors but they are also filthy pests that carry disease.
Yep, it makes sense now.
I think that old broad Liz is cackling at this shit from heaven as she pours whiskey into her mouth straight from an ethereal booze decanter.
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
What is going in with her posture! Is she too pilled up to stand up straight. Also, the dress only accentuates her saggers. I wish I had the link, but I saw a story that said the wardrobe budget on Liz and Dick was $150. I thought "Of course! Obviously!" and didn't read the full story.
This bitch: I "survived" stage 4 bladder and prostate cancer 6 years ago after it had already metastasized. If I didn't have my bladder and prostrate taken out within 2 weeks, I was going to be dead in a year. I survived and have an artificial bladder..
I'm sure others have REAL survivor stories. This bitch needs to feel some real-life pain. I absolutely hate her!
I'm glad you're still here to tell your story Ed!
That Canyons...that's a fucking joke, right? I mean, it HAS to be.
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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 11/13/2012 - 1:27pm.
The Canyons is being released on the internets only
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I gots a feeling she will NEVER EVER be a guest on Inside the Actors Studio. (unless it's a SNL skit with Emma Stone as her and Will Farell's James Lipton asking her how she dug deep into her soul to get into character for Herbie Totally Loaded).