This Is Not What Any Of Us Signed Up For
If the anticipation for the all-pecs Showgirls, Magic Mike, was a hot piece you met at a bar, then its trailer will feel you with the same cold emotion you feel when you pull down that hot piece's chonies and stare directly at a tequila worm-sized soft dick that is looking at you like, "Meh." The blood from your sex parts rushes up into your brain. That's not what's supposed to happen!
Magic Mike is supposed to be 90 minutes of man bananas flopping around in hammocks over and over again, but by the looks of the trailer that's not what it is at all. Close-up shots of sweat trickling down Matt Boner's nipple have been replaced by shots of the ugly ass junkyard furniture Channing Tatum's stupid character made. A slow motion montage of ass cheeks clenching on stage has been replaced by some annoying walking lady jaw who won't stop talking! Joe Man-Jello twerking his pecs to "Turbo Love" has been replaced by a RiRi Song. Why couldn't the marketing whores for this movie just give me the trailer that was in my head?!
I don't want some rom-com where a bottom of the barrel Blake Lively (who is a bottom of the barrel Kate Hudson who is a bottom of the barrel Goldie Hawn) keeps telling the strippers to put their clothes on, stop dancing, cover up, don't be a stripper, do something with their lives, blah, blah, blah ... Bitch is like that parent who keeps knocking on the bathroom door while you're trying to fap in piece.
Steven Soderbergh, thousands of pairs of blue balls hate you today.
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Shame! They got Joe Manganiello's name wrong in the trailer ! !
Submitted by Faloola Chong on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 8:16pm.
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ETA: Nothing they do in this shithouse movie will come close to the hotness of this - http://youtu.be/s0FNL7lGc9o
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Faloola, I do believe we are in agreement! ;)
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"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
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I didn't know Tatertot was in this movie and nonetheless as the romantic counterpart to Channing Tatum!!!! I hope it doesn't flunk with all the problems that family has now.
What Magic Mike doesn't tell you is that his money comes from his real customers, and that is older gay guys. Trying to pass these characters for anything less than bisexual is ridiculous.
The movie feels like a mashup between Striptease and Coyote Ugly. The only thing missing is Falcor Rimes "Can't Fight The Moonlight" playing instead of Rihanna.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
This looks just awful. I thought that since it's from Sodenberg, it'd be edgy and seedy. But this is just awful. So disappointed.
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The man's as gay as a picnic basket.
It does look boring, but what the fuck? I will probably watch it anyway -- stream it, more like it -- and I dunno what's with Tantum being so in demand.
The thing that makes me laugh about his sudden success is to remember he was in that fucking Amanda Bynes' movie "She's the man" or some shit.
So surprise surprise they minimize the stripping aspect to focus on the dull love interest sub-plot in an attempt to reel in Tatum's romcom fans. Have little interest in this anyway as Soderbergh has lost it, Contagion was a hot mess.
While Channing may not be a great actor, I wouldn't say he's distractingly bad.. certainly no worse than Marky Mark.
He's OK-decent in the right film, and in the amazing 21 Jump Street found his forte in comedy. The voice may be monotone but doesn't bother me, and I was surprised at the criticism here of Rebecca Hall for that same reason.
I can see why people don't find him hot, but his appeal looks wise is obvious.
ETA: Nothing they do in this shithouse movie will come close to the hotness of this - http://youtu.be/s0FNL7lGc9o
I had not expected this movie to be the one portrayed in the trailer. Perhaps there will be more trailers in the future with more skin and sex appeal. Maybe there should be a red band trailer to pinch our nipples to.
Submitted by Condi the ingro... on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 3:37pm.
Why is Channing Tatum in every freaking movie now? He's ugly, he's unremarkable, he has no discernible personality, he can't act, he has a dull, flat voice, and yet he's the lead in dozens of films. Who is he shagging? Has he made a pact with Beelzebub?
I mean, he's more forgettable than Sam Worthington. Six pack abs and guns are a dime a dozen in Hollywood, so don't tell me his ubiquity is due to his body alone. I can't account for his success.
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^^^^^THIS!
I ALWAYS get him and the equally square headed Worthington mixed up, and that Hemsworth dude too, although Hemsworth is far better looking than either Tatum or Worthingtonless.
I only made it half way through the promo. Very dull.
Why is Channing Tatum in every freaking movie now? He's ugly, he's unremarkable, he has no discernible personality, he can't act, he has a dull, flat voice, and yet he's the lead in dozens of films. Who is he shagging? Has he made a pact with Beelzebub?
I mean, he's more forgettable than Sam Worthington. Six pack abs and guns are a dime a dozen in Hollywood, so don't tell me his ubiquity is due to his body alone. I can't account for his success.
I wish this about our mike, the dlisted poster most likely to be fapped to.
Male strippers are almost exclusively repulsive, gay or creepy; seeing one perform is not sexy but hilariously awkward. These guys are pretty hot which makes the entire escapade unrealistic. The chick ruins what could have been a semi.
Submitted by mefunigirl on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 2:57pm.
Another thing that confuses me is women who act like animals with female strippers! I have seen women acting a fool at strip clubs, making the male patrons look like gentlemen. Why must people act a fool with naked dancers? Can't you just act somewhat normal?
HBO used to have a show called Real Sex and they showed video of ladies GETTING DOWN with male strippers and doing sexual acts on stage.
I don't like male strippers at all but I remember enjoying Chipendales as a wee one.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:13pm.
I have always wondered why women get turned on by male strippers. I find them repulsive.
....
ITA
and I've always thought they are as disgusted with us as female strippers are with the men who come see them.
this looks like one of them saturday afternoon, it's raining outside and there ain't shit else on tv kinda movies to watch. or maybe I'll read a book instead.
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And little one, hold out for a c-section. You don't want to slide down that. ~ Sweetas
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 2:43pm.
LOL! That kissy thing on anyone irks me, but I know what you mean on the menz! Sooooo stupid.
Off topic- A worker doing repairs on our office just stepped in his bucket of hydraulic cement he just mixed! What a dumb ass!
LOL, this is not what we signed up for but it had to be marketed to a wider audience so no point crabbing... hahaha It may flop but a precedent has been set and it certainly won't be only gay men and women who watch this! Just wait...
Yeah, I'd rather watch your movie MK, but when those coppers walk into that room, I LIKEY! It's the Pretty Manwhore plotline just wish it had way more man-on-man action! *wiggles eyebrows*
Who cares if they can't act, or sound awful, just give more beef! Whooah ;P
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"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
Haha cuppy ita about male strippers being canned cheesy. And what's with that kissy-lips cheeks-sucked-in face they do? Keep that one for the boys lol. :p
Only homosexuals will pay to see this movie.
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 2:05pm.
Yeah, really, it is ick! LOL!
I guess I just don't really see the fun in it, when a good portion of the male strippers are gay, plus beef cake, oil and tight pants just do not do it for me. I just hate men writhing around. UGH!
Yeah, I saw the trailer last night and was like, "What the fuck is up with all this talking? Less talking and more stripping."
I guess I should ask for my money back. These tickets I bought in advance will be going to waste.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 2:01pm.
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 1:53pm.
I totally disagree. I have seen women act like complete animals around male strippers the few times I have been subjected to such fuckery AND those women were NOT taking it in as "silly fun".
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Then, ick, that is gross and I agree with you. I've never been.
Submitted by ethang on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:51pm.
I totally disagree. I have seen women act like complete animals around male strippers the few times I have been subjected to such fuckery AND those women were NOT taking it in as "silly fun".
omg, now that's terrible TERRIBLE terrible. possibly the worst trailer i've ever seen.
Submitted by ethang on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:51pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:13pm.
I have always wondered why women get turned on by male strippers. I find them repulsive.
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I don't think women get turned on. It seems that they take it all in as silly fun. Men on the otherhand would have sex on the stage if allowed.
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I've never actually seen a male stripper in real life. But, if I did go it would just be to have un. I would never find it a turn on. And, it would have to be going to a show, not a private stripper. I've heard some horror stories.
This is like the plot of a Jackie Collins novel!
Who did what to whom to get cast?
That's all I thought when I watched that trailer. I don't like the director's movies, anyway. Maybe it's his overuse of yellow lighting or something.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:32pm.
As I'm fond of pointing out, the last time I paid to sit in a movie theater, it was to watch "Vicky Cristina Barcelona". There aren't too many more movies I would have spent $13 to see. And it's a moot point anyway, because I need that $13 for groceries.
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@Hekki, you are right on the money!!! I can't think of the last movie I went to actually see in the theatre, but I know I wasn't impressed. Damn, what was it????? I honestly can't remember...
I need my $13 for groceries or gas money or just something else. And I think the summer boxoffice is going to reflect the changed spending habits of Americans. Other than "Hunger Games", the movies have been very weak in their openings. I don't know what the summer will bring...
I know the only movies I will spend real money on this summer is Batman (gotta see in IMAX), Prometheus (gotta see in IMAX) and Dark Shadows (love me some Johnny Deep campy acting). All the other cartoon/comic movies can wait for DVD. I will go out my way to go to matinees for the discounts.
Nothing thrills me anymore.
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:13pm.
I have always wondered why women get turned on by male strippers. I find them repulsive.
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I don't think women get turned on. It seems that they take it all in as silly fun. Men on the otherhand would have sex on the stage if allowed.
Oh, I will not shell out money to see this in a theater. I'll wait until it's Free, On Demand.
This is for real?! This would have more potential as an SNL movie.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Honestly, I dont' know if I can see this movie in the theatre. And I, like Michael K, love men.
i just find stripper flicks (male or female) too depressing.
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
Submitted by mike: "The only way this could possibly be good is if they tried to make it bad-good, and that's just not Soderbergh's forte."
Exactly. Like if it was "Showgirls" bad, I might watch it when it comes to cable at Christmastime.
As I'm fond of pointing out, the last time I paid to sit in a movie theater, it was to watch "Vicky Cristina Barcelona". There aren't too many more movies I would have spent $13 to see. And it's a moot point anyway, because I need that $13 for groceries.
Me too, Snow. Full Monty was awesome.
This looks like an epic piece of crap esp. since Olivia Munn is in it.
where's matt bomer? he's the only reason i would think of even streaming this mess on netflix...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 10:55am.
I know some of you ladies have the vapours for Channing Tatum but the guy is one of THE WORST actors I've seen. I just shake my head at HW these days.
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Come on, Whamo! I, for one, will not be judging CT based on his thespian abilities!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:13pm.
I have always wondered why women get turned on by male strippers. I find them repulsive.
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Evil, I agree in real life. However, in a movie it might be better.....at least they couldn't touch. That is just gross.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 11:20am.
Submitted by Deb on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 10:46am.
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Deb, I totally agree. We don't need the volume on, just watch it for the visual effects. Anything dialogue cant be too impressive anyway.just make it a silent film....it may win an Oscar like The Artist.......nah, hahaha.
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HAHA, Bigbendy! No Oscar, but yeah, no sound necessary!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 11:54am.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Thu, 04/19/2012 - 11:23am.
Harlow, I'm right there with you. Now David Gandy needs to start acting in films, and all would be right with the world.
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DAVID GANDY IS IN THIS!?!?!
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Lisbet, No. I wish. He hasn't done any films yet, but he really, really needs to do some. A lot of people think that he would be a great James Bond. I really don't care. I just want to look at him in a film for two hours. ;-) That's the way I roll.
I have always wondered why women get turned on by male strippers. I find them repulsive.
I'd still rather watch The Full Monty, Robert Carlyle xoxoxoxo
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Channing is a little derp in the face but his body makes up for it.
*faps*
I sat through 02:30 of complete and utter fug (Channing Tatum's dough face, wonk-eyed Munn, whoever that ugly blonde bitch is, and a whole herd of WHO?) just for a single glimpse of Matt Bomer. And there was none. Soderbergh, shoot yourself please.
I actually don't find Channing Tatum annoying. Like he doesn't try to be super serious and in interviews he genuinely seems like a nice dude.
Matthew McConaughey annoys the shit out of me though. So does Olivia Munn.
M.E., oh yeah, I forgot all about that....
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Im sorry whattt? there are women in bikini's in this movie?
SURELY SURELY SURELY the producers of this movie would know their fucking audience is gay men and women.
what kinda straight guy would wanna go watch a movie about a bunch of hot half naked guys who are constantly half naked, thrusting their naked, glistening, muscular bodies in their face???
just because you put afew shots of women in bikinis in it doesnt mean some straight guy is going to think "oh 5minutes of some random ugly chick in a bikini, yeah this is gonna be a girls gone wild movie!!"
save the fucking trouble, spare us the girls in bikini, line those hot fuck dudes up, strip them off and let a gay guy get his FAP ON!!!
snowy -
http://youtu.be/3HoE8qDb0QM
I thought it would be shitty, but the clip makes me want to see it. I'll wait till it hit TBS.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
Snowphat - did you not see "Step Up"?
Double post.