Open Post: Hosted By The Only Beyonce Any Of Us Should Care About
In honor of National Puppy Day (I know, EVERY DAY should be National Puppy Day), I give you this story that might microwave your cold slug heart until it actually feels warm emotions. Beyonce the puppy started farting at the Grim Reaper even before she came into this world two weeks ago. Beyonce's first dance with death came when her mom, a stray, was almost euthanized. The second dance with death came when they almost aborted her and her brothers and sisters. (Look into the future: Tim Tebow and Beyonce co-starring in a pro-life PSA.) The third dance with death happened after Beyonce was born weighing in at only four ounces. The animal rescue center didn't call her Beyonce because she weighs as much as the feather light pillow the other Beyonce strapped to her belly during pregnancy. They named her Beyonce because she's a survivor.
They should've named her Jeff Probst instead, because he's the host of Survivor and just like this puppy, you really want to cuddle with him, take him for a walk and pick up his poop with a plastic bag glove. Naming her Beyonce was kind of a mistake. Not only will Beyonce's lawyers try to sue the dingles off of her for copyright infringement, but Mama Tina's lace front is looking at puppy Beyonce like she's its next meal. But since Beyonce has cheated death several times, Mama Tina's lace front is no match for her.
And to keep the National Puppy Day celebrations going, here's a few pictures I threw together in ten seconds of celebwhores with their dog and puppy friends. If you don't know who some of these celebrities are, who cares! It's about the PUPPIES, not them. PUPPIES: Now and Forever.
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Oh please the only people who actually care about this has been ghetto sow are her family members and the bloggers who are being paid to care. That said this broad is DONE and I and the rest of the World are GLAD!
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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.
Barbado Slim 2008
Haha Televised! Thanks, saves misusing it. Though can't say Mickey didn't give fair warning! ;)
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"The only Beyonce anyone should care about"
MK you are despicable. He he he I love it!
And I also love how someone named their DOG after her. Thats the biggest insult in the world.
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
"godverdegodverdegodnakendenondeju"
means
"god damn, god damn, god damn mutherfucker that i feel like i've seen somewhere before".
you're welcome.
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We worked hard for our money! So hard for it, honey!
Mickey, thanks for the warning, I shall have to use it with someone I don't like then. I am imagining it means "I cannot attend your party as I have developed a terrible rash!" LMAO!
CSG, so glad to see folks trying to help. Ultimately though, you will know what is best! ;)
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 12:08pm.
"Mickey, now I am intrigued, what's that mean? (godverdegodverdegodnakendenondeju) better not be what I think it is, hahahahah"
Uhm, Within, let's just say that you are well-advised not to use this phrase as conversation-opener should you ever meet a cute Dutchman.
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"Dear Lord, forgive me for what I am about to, ah, say in this magnificent place of worship... Bugger! Bugger!"
Hugh Grant's character in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" (1994)
CSG, late to the party here but I think you need to slow way down. Give yourself at least another year to make any decisions, esp. if you have been married before.
I keep hearing "old school Catholic", "old fashioned" etc but what does that actually mean?
Is he anti-gay? Does he believe women to be less than men, including in a marriage? In old Ireland, the expressions you say are usually code for bigot or homophobe or the belief that all humans are not created equal, and since the "Irish" thing has been brought up all the time, I'm wondering if this is the case.
When you are alone and he treats you like gold, that's wonderful. But humans don't live in a vacuum. We are and will always be heavily influenced by the outside source called...life! Work, family, friends, hobbies, politics, social issues and personal ethics, morals and the like. So no matter what goes on at home, it'll never compensate for the fact that we live in a society that interferes with everything personal, whether we like it or not.
I say stop, hold off, re-evaluate. Keep up the relaionship but date and stay dating. No big decisions. I don't even know if I called husband my "boyfriend" in 7 months but I do work slowly!
The differences you don't like but can live with now may be the ones that break you up later. Love is the most important thing but it's not enough, no matter what the love songs and poems say. We need compromise, open-ness and a willingness to change but also to accept that nothing may change (and I know you get that, as you mentioned it already).
But fast forward to 5 years and he is still the same and you have changed even more. Will you resent it all? Hate him for not changing even though you previously said you didn't want him or expect him to?
I say keep dating but go nowhere near a permanent commitment now because your differences are really big ones and may be too big to ensure compatibility. It doesn't mean either of you is wrong and it doesn't mean you don't love each other as I see you both do - a lot. But all that aside, you still may not be enough of a match for it to work. It happens all the time. The love is there but the differences grow to supercede the love. Love just doesn't overcome what we think it will. It just doesn't work like that.
From your old Auntie Irish Fury xx
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by TelevisedRevolution on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 1:54pm.
I'll take banana bread any ol' day over a banana hammock! ;)
Oddly, I like zucchini bread even more than banana bread.
That sounds truly awful, Televised. You have my sympathy. (I'll be glad to take any leftover bread off your hands.)
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
by the way, you know what is really tragic?
when you have bananas in your house that are so spotted and brown that you have no choice but to make fresh, hot, sweet, banana bread out of them!
sooooo sad.
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We worked hard for our money! So hard for it, honey!
Hey CSG,
My 2 cents: I married a man 15 years my senior when I was young (& dumb). Everything went well for the 1st few years. Then he wanted to change my clothes, my hair, my speech (potty mouf here), my decision not to have kids (I never wanted any, he changed his mind) and finally he didn't think I needed my degree. 5 years into the marriage, I left him with my clothes & my dog. It was the best decision I ever made. I went back to school, got more dogs & met Mr. Spot whom I officially married last weekend. I now realize looking back that Dickhead #1 wanted to change me and that is never a good thing. Mr. Spot and I have been together 7 years and he loves me for ME. Bad language and all. ;-)
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:36am.
CSG,
I think that was him on that Heaton thread, not you.
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ooooooohhhhh yeaaahhhh. i had forgotten about that.
everyone else was giving you such good advice that i was just going to keep my mouth shut on this one, but if what Bjork You says here is true, and that was him typing under your name, um, don't do it.
That was a violation of your privacy, which shows disrespect for you and a lack of boundaries ("what's yours is mine"), and the content itself displayed a real lack of empathy, to put it nicely.
of course, if that was just you, then perhaps you need an exorcist :)
only my less than two cents, of course.
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We worked hard for our money! So hard for it, honey!
Mickey, now I am intrigued, what's that mean? (godverdegodverdegodnakendenondeju) better not be what I think it is, hahahahah
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Mustang Sally, missed you again last night/this morning! Greetings to ya! ;D
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CSG, sorry, late for the party, but if you dont mind, i would like to give my two cents. The boyfriend thing doesnt sound good to me. You guys are still in dating phase, which is serving one purpose: finding out if you are compatible. There are things one can settle on, and right now its easy to take a 3 day break from each other, but what if the boyfriend with the conservative views decides once he is the husband : no, i dont agree with x`s moral views, x cant come to our house. X cant call here, and while we are at it, i dont want to you hang out with X in the first place. You give up ALOT when you marry, anyway. If you have a partner who respects your views and meets you halfway, it can be smooth sailing. It doesnt sound like he is that kinda guy. What i am worried about is that he thinks he can still "shape" you to his liking, while you already know you are not going to change him cause he is set in his ways. I would just hate to see you lose yourself, just because you have strong feelings for someone.
I am not a trusting person by nature, and maybe i m over-reacting, but i have all kinds of alarmbells going off hearing what you re saying.. Just be careful, ok?
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:42am.
Thanks, Phoebe, for making me feel like a dumbass! You, too, Bjork. Can't I ever wish for real-life fairy tales? DAMN REALITY.
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I heard Ray J is looking for a new gal...
Given that I'm all alone in here, allow me to take a moment to say godverdegodverdegodnakendenondeju. Ah, I feel so much better now!
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
Night, Bjork, <3
Night all!
And you are all fucking great!
Um... I loved Ron Perlman and his cat face. He and Father read poetry and shit. I would have married Father, fucked Beast, and killed...someone, I guess.
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:42am.
Thanks, Phoebe, for making me feel like a dumbass! You, too, Bjork. Can't I ever wish for real-life fairy tales? DAMN REALITY.
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You want to date Ron Perlman from "Beauty and the Beast"? Or be a corpse bride and have those seven necrophiliac midgets feeling you up while you are in a coma?
Love you Bjorkie - sleep well.
And thanks ESE, Phoebe, Within Reason, Dr. Ruth Mustang Sally and Mr. Sarcastic - for providing valid points to consider.
And Spaz - thanks for speaking up for love. I think sometimes we let ourselves get too pragmatic and forget that a real emotional connection is what a lot of us want (and root for) in the end. All I can say is that I was married for many years, but I never had the feelings I'm experiencing now with my husband. Maybe if I did, I'd still be married.
Sleep well all, talk to you soon!
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If it looks like a stunt, walks like a stunt and smells like warm piss on burnt plastic, it came directly from Pimp Mama Kris' pimpin' hand. - MK
Dammit, I feel like my name is mud now that Paz isn't on BE. I've never seen it, but I have a soft spot for Buscemi.
I kinda wonder if I should change names now.
Spaz is a romantic!
I am, too, and am rooting for true love...
Spaz, you need a job now that "Boardwalk Empire" is over.
CSG -
My 2 cents worth, which is probably all it's worth.
People can change but they have to do it on their own, because THEY want to. You can't change another person - although they can pretend you are, for a while.
As men get older, they, generally speaking, get more set in their ways.
I'm not getting into the whole Catholic thing, not being one.
What's the rush, hon? Take your time. I don't know how long you've been with the old timey Irishman :D (congratulations on spotting that, ESE!) but, if it's less than a year, approx., you're still in the heady rush of love and you know what can happen when that subsides. If it's longer, ignore that statement.
Finally, listen to Bjork You. Sensible advice.
Off to listen to some Muddy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERJ3rre99i0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7upBJ63qGwY
Thanks, Phoebe, for making me feel like a dumbass! You, too, Bjork. Can't I ever wish for real-life fairy tales? DAMN REALITY.
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Submitted by Phoebe on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:33am.
{If he made her happy, this discussion wouldn't be happening.}
I was thinking the same thing. :(
Sweetest dreams, sweet people.
And one last thing, CSG.
HE IS NOT THE ONLY MAN OUT THERE. AND HE WILL NOT BE THE LAST. AND THERE IS NO MARRIAGE CLOCK!!!
You have a good sleep, my friend.
I am so glad to see you back here, you truly have no fucking idea. I was about to send Macmillan and Wife to come after you, maybe even Jim Rockford!
CSG,
I think that was him on that Heaton thread, not you. And I am sorry. Even if it wasn't him physically on the computer, maybe you never log off, then it was as if he, or someone with his "old-fashioned views" was sitting on your shoulder, hissing in your ear. It was so wildly uncharacteristic. And even if it was you on a really bad day, it wasn't you.
You have your answer. Just go with your instinct and forgo what everyone else says EXCEPT ME. No, but really, also drop that bridal crap, it has even been a year, girl! What is the rush? Did that bitch get knocked up?
You are so swell, and no one wants to be lonely. And it can be tough. I am not saying be alone, no! But I am saying do not compromise. But this is more than a compromise, something that is bothering you, and that something is what you should be paying attention to.
And I am sure that he is sorry, most are when the prize is threatening to leave. He will be good, he will try and be open, you are so good for him, oh wow, just like an angel.
Don't doubt yourself. You have made it this far and have lived your life your fucking way, and I think you are pretty fucking great.
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Thanks everyone for your opinions - I really do appreciate all of the input, you've given me a lot to think about.
I really need to determine if this is what I want for the rest of my life (which could - hopefully - be a LONG time, if the cheap-ass boxed chardonnay doesn't do me in first).
I'm off to bed and wish everyone 'sweet dreams'.
Thanks again for your help!
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If it looks like a stunt, walks like a stunt and smells like warm piss on burnt plastic, it came directly from Pimp Mama Kris' pimpin' hand. - MK
I'm sorry, but I can't go along with the negative shit. If he makes CSG happy, he has to have some good qualities.
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Happy SUNDAY, everyone.
My husband is pimping out my computer skills so I have to fix his friend's laptop.
I'm sooooooooo looking forward to this!
NOT.
Submitted by Dr. Ruth on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:07am.
CSG, if he makes you HOT, if you gives your clit a thorough spin, then what are you waiting for?
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*sprinkles holy water on Dr. Ruth*
Dr. Ruth - we're both CATHOLIC, for God's sake.
(And yes, he gives all of me a thorough spin).
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If it looks like a stunt, walks like a stunt and smells like warm piss on burnt plastic, it came directly from Pimp Mama Kris' pimpin' hand. - MK
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:12am.
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I can't think of a smart retort.
http://youtu.be/vrXMUDofxGs
.
Submitted by Dr. Ruth on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:07am.
CSG, if he makes you HOT, if you gives your clit a thorough spin, then what are you waiting for?
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*sprinkles holy water on Dr. Ruth*
Dr. Ruth - we're both CATHOLIC, for God's sake.
(And yes, he gives all of me a thorough spin).
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If it looks like a stunt, walks like a stunt and smells like warm piss on burnt plastic, it came directly from Pimp Mama Kris' pimpin' hand. - MK
Bjork You is an authority of successful relationships.
In no way do I think that she is living, nor will die alone.
off to further damage my liver, folks...
csg... i wish, and hope the best for you in this situation... do what you feel is the best option FOR YOU!... accept no substitution for happy within any sacrifice you or he has to make...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IXZIqxrj5E
later days, all!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:17am.
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ExCUSE me. Everyone wanted David Selby, since Dark Shadows. And Max Caulfield was smokin.
'Foggy windows' would be a hilarious new name for a 'band'.
I'm purdy sure there's a "Splendor in the Grass" joke in there.
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:10am.
Bjorkie - this is why I'm conflicted - I do feel he's the one. I'm truly, madly deeply in love with him. I just have hesitations because he can be judgmental. He tells me all the time that he loves the fact that I'm NOT judgmental and will snap him back when he starts to fall into that Catholic rut. I just think about how in the future, this may be a problem for us. I don't want to have to battle for beliefs at every turn.
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If it looks like a stunt, walks like a stunt and smells like warm piss on burnt plastic, it came directly from Pimp Mama Kris' pimpin' hand. - MK
CSG, make your list of what you have to overcome, and let Father de Bricassart make his. Look his over. It can't hurt.
Sorry, Bjork, I'm a romantic (slut).
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Oh Gawd @ESE, I just spit my beer (which was purchasded using logical beer math) all over myself. That song made me think, "baby, please, I am not from Havana", which just strikes me funny no matter how many times I hear it. Thank Gawd it's cheap beer. *going to grab another Busch
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:12am.
Please stop using the term "old fashioned." Call it what it is, CSG, and the window isn't so foggy.
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Foggy winderzzzzzzzzzzz lol
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:14am.
I just have to say that I would have fucked Richard Chamberlain.
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Please, we all know that you fucked the entire geriatric cast of "Falcon Crest" and "The Colbys."
I just have to say that I would have fucked Richard Chamberlain.
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Please stop using the term "old fashioned." Call it what it is, CSG, and the window isn't so foggy.
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 2:05am.
ESE, my cats don't care. They like the floor.
http://youtu.be/GsoxppyPWI8
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don't try to bribe me with Tull, H.R. Shovenstuff!... tryin' to keep the cats down! i see how you are!... heehee!
(yes, shameless Jim Carrey quote, but it was worth it, in my opinion!)
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 03/25/2012 - 1:55am.
I am just popping in. Is the priest gone, CSG?
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Bjorkie, on Thursday night, I thought he was. We had a major disagreement on a lot of issues. I swear, I thought we were over. But he called, texted and emailed all day Friday (which I tried to ignore) but we ended up talking for quite some time tonight.
I wish I could just dismiss him, but I'm hopelessly crazy about him. It doesn't help that he realizes that he can be an idiot (he acknowledges that), yet he can't seem to stop himself. Aagh, what am I supposed to do?
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If it looks like a stunt, walks like a stunt and smells like warm piss on burnt plastic, it came directly from Pimp Mama Kris' pimpin' hand. - MK