Hot Sluts Of The Day!
The penguins who were married at the Shanghai Ocean Aquarium - Sadly, this wedding wasn't between the Buddy and Pedro, the gay penguins of Toronto, because gay penguins weddings are not legal yet. But this wedding still has all the ingredients for a romantic and special matrimonial moment. If your shit is married, this will remind you of your wedding night, so prepare your heart for a skip down memory lane of love.
The Shanghai Ocean Aquarium grabbed two random penguins who could be arch rivals for all they know and threw them into a lucite box strapped to a boa-covered Audi kids car. Then they drove them through a crowd of brats and cell phone cameras, and put an ugly ass Ren Faire floral headband over each of their heads as terrifying giant penguins with mutant hips hovered above them. ROMANCE! I'm sure as soon as their hearts came back to their bodies after jumping out of their beaks from the horrifying sight of those Penguinzillas, they had a beautiful moment together as newlyweds. Or they shit on each other's feet and the husband penguin stole the wife penguin's fish (not a euphemism). ROMANCE: See it for yourself:
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! If we were in the first grade together, I'd save my favorite VD card, from the box of VD cards I bought at Thrifty's Drugstore the night before, for you. Today is also the day when that one friend acts like they're above this shit. You know, you wish them a Happy VD and they're like, "Oh, my lovah and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day. It's a corporate holiday invented by Hallmark. Besides, we tell each other 'I love you' every single day and always buy each other flowers and gifts." Oh, fuck off. Well then, Happy I Hope You Catch Your Lovah Fucking Your Best Friend On Your Side Of The Bed Day, bitch!
• 
This made me laugh my ass off... thank you
That's funny cause someone I know posted on fb that shit about not having to get anything on VD cause she and her hubby love each other and buy stuff for each other all the time. While reading it, I thought "haha, bitch didn't get anything for VD".
Happy VD to you all!
Triple bonus: I love penguins, MK and everyone on here who keeps this place interesting!
Happy Valentine's (brought-to-us-by-Hallmark!) Day everybody! Thanks as always for crackin' me up...'speshully you MK!
now i know what i want for my own wedding. thanks, china and mk!
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:08pm.
Well, I'm glad I'M not the only weirdo up in here, then!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:00pm.
While they're arguing,... hehhehehehehheeh ;)
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You girls are sweet AND funny :)
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:04pm.
I know! When I see VD, I don't think of Valentine's day hahahahahha Thought I was the only sicko here! ;)
Happy Venereal Disease everybody!!! LOL!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 2:02pm.
No worries. I'm still trying to figure out why everyone is running around in here wishing people a "Happy VD". Has everyone forgotten the forerunner of "STDs" was "VD" as in venereal disease????
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Dog & IF, just kidding of course, Don't want to Fatal Attraction'd in REVERSE! ;)
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin
Thanks MK for making VD, and everyday funnier. I love you!
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:41pm.
While they're arguing,... hehhehehehehheeh ;)
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin
Whamo, don't worry. If IF and I desert you, there are more cyber whores waiting in the wings to take our place.
In the meantime, back off, bitches. We still own his ass.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:19pm.
One of ya might need to cede her position
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Hey wait a minuite, I'm with you on the actual splitting of the body part thing but let's not all crazy now !!
There's always a way to work these things out:)
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 1:19pm.
Uh Dog, Splitting Whamo down the middle sounds kinda evil! One of ya might need to cede her position... hahahahhaaha
(one ball for you, one ball for me... ARGH LOL!)
^^^^^^^^^^
Well, ya know teabagging is a lot easier with one nut!
I didn't just say that, did I?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
It's sad that the penguins need bulletproof glass on their limo.
Uh Dog, Splitting Whamo down the middle sounds kinda evil! One of ya might need to cede her position... hahahahhaaha
(one ball for you, one ball for me... ARGH LOL!)
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin
Sad too that it's not Buddy & Pedro! They were cute together!
♥♥Happy Valentine's Day everyone!♥♥
Oh, fuck off. Well then, Happy I Hope You Catch Your Lovah Fucking Your Best Friend On Your Side Of The Bed Day, bitch! ~~ LOL MK!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
WHO CARES!!! & WHO CARES: THE SEQUEL!!! - MK on Justin
Just wanted to thank the Oxford English D-listed for providing me with the term "TheAnis". If there's a more appropriate description for that disaster I haven't heard it.
Thanks D-listed!!! :D
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Surfing the apocalypse.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 12:34pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 11:41am.
Does he dress to the left or the right? Is it big enough to have mojo if split in half on its own?
...forget where his balls were if they didn't itch sometimes. Male Dog, not Whamo.
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I'm left handed so...to the left. :)
My mojo be quite fine thank you very much:)
*itches balls*
^^^^^^^^^^
*scribbles notes*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Mabel, with all respect....
SHADDUP ALREADY WITH THAT POST!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
If Buddy and Pedro are Canadian they can totally get legally hitched with full benes and everything. :D
Happy Tuesday.
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Surfing the apocalypse.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 11:41am.
Does he dress to the left or the right? Is it big enough to have mojo if split in half on its own?
...forget where his balls were if they didn't itch sometimes. Male Dog, not Whamo.
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I'm left handed so...to the left. :)
My mojo be quite fine thank you very much:)
*itches balls*
In honor of the day where all hobags everywhere (i.e. everyone) will be stuffing their faces with chocolate (I'll do it tomorrow when the biggest *heart box will be 75% off) this morning we are kicking off..."THE BIG GAY PROM" FUNDRAISER!
Last year the LGBT youth of Rochester, NY danced the night away to the "over the Rainbow" theme thanks to all the D-Listed hookers with hearts of gold who gave over $2000!
This year's prom will be bigger and better (read: my friend is asking for mo' money this time around).
The 2012 theme of the Gay Youth Annual Prom will be...*drumroll please!*
BIG GAY PROM: "BORN THIS WAY"!!!!!!!
(herpaderp, like what else would it be?)
http://www.firstgiving.com/GayAlliance/big-gay-prom-2012
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So I will begin by sharing a TRUE story that happened to one of my best friends 25 years ago today...
It was Valentine's Day 1987 (okay, give or take a few years, who really remembers or cares, and we were all drunk back then, anyway) and Diana was in love [with her older sister's boyfriend], so like any super-slut worth her salt Diana bought trashy too-small fitting lingerie, a bunch of beat-down roses she pulled all the petals off of to throw down onto her discount comforter from Marshall's, a big heart shaped box of chocolate (*smart people see above), and then filled her bedroom with scented candles and flowers from Walgreen's. Diana set everything up and then lay in wait for her [sister's] man.
So.. several hours later MD (I'm calling him Mr. Douche) shows up and he subsequently fills Diana's alotted time slot *ahem*---yes, this was AFTER he visited the sister.
This went on for about a year.
MD was either the smartest tool (and I do mean "tool") in the shed for hobaggin' sisters, in which case we should all stand up and slow clap, or this guy was the douchiest douche who ever douched.
You decide.
Love,
Mabel
xoxo
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 11:38am.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 11:32am.
I'm ornery. Male Dog forgot what day it is. I mean, REALLY? We've been married HOW LONG? And you FORGOT WHAT DAY IT IS?????
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I'm sorry Doggie. Maybe it falling on a Tuesday screwed him up? At least you haz Whamo to split with Mrs. Fury.
*sends you box of candy hearts; eats half of them*
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Well, we could split Whamo down the middle. We'd each get one ball but which half would his peen fall on? Does he dress to the left or the right? Is it big enough to have mojo if split in half on its own? So many questions!
Thanks, SDR. He's just a doofus who would forget where his balls were if they didn't itch sometimes. Male Dog, not Whamo.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 11:32am.
I'm ornery. Male Dog forgot what day it is. I mean, REALLY? We've been married HOW LONG? And you FORGOT WHAT DAY IT IS?????
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I'm sorry Doggie. Maybe it falling on a Tuesday screwed him up? At least you haz Whamo to split with Mrs. Fury.
*sends you box of candy hearts; eats half of them*
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 11:24am.
Dang it Dog, I tried to learn Geography but I had the drunks too much.
Why you yellin' so much today? We still love you in a cyber kind of way.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
I'm ornery. Male Dog forgot what day it is. I mean, REALLY? We've been married HOW LONG? And you FORGOT WHAT DAY IT IS?????
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I have already had two women say to me "Oh, we don't celebrate Valentine's Day, we do special things together all the time" Yeah right. Fuck that. I want a damn Valentine card, a romantic one not a funny one. Just a card. I don't even expect chocolate or flowers.
Happy VD everyone! xoxoxo
Submitted by Honeybadger on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 11:15am.
LOL, my bad. In my semi-defense I was responding to Whamo's comment. I should have read more carefully though.
2 for 2 on the really blonde comments today :)
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Dang it Dog, I tried to learn Geography but I had the drunks too much.
Why you yellin' so much today? We still love you in a cyber kind of way.
Happy Valentines Day everyone!
I have no Valentine this year :(
I figure that it's much less desperate to get drunk at home alone than go on a date with some boring asshole that I don't even like.
*Puts beanie babies back in their display case* *Knits matching sweaters for my dogs*
Lol @ the penguin gallery. They always look so bored.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Honeybadger on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 11:15am.
Same thing happened when bambam yelled at Elin Nordegren to "go back to Copenhagen". Great, except Elin is Swedish and Copenhagen is in Denmark.
LEARN YOUR GEOGRAPHY BEFORE YOU THROW IT OUT THERE, PEOPLE!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Honeybadger on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 11:15am.
Not to be all "fact police" on our esteemed DList commenters, but Shanghai is in China, not Japan. Not sure why the Japanese are getting a bad rap for this nonsense.
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Oh shit, and I was all "ok they're marrying penguins in Japan."
*derp face*
*hides diploma with degree in geography*
Happy Valentine's Day everyone! XOS
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Not to be all "fact police" on our esteemed DList commenters, but Shanghai is in China, not Japan. Not sure why the Japanese are getting a bad rap for this nonsense.
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
STOP USING ANIMALS AS ENTERTAINMENT, ASSHOLES!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
happy VD all you rad Dlisted VD sluts! Don't catch any VD's!
Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 10:41am.
You are SO mean. You know there is some nerd out there with a hit list on it with ba-buttons name on it :)
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Ah so. Dee Japaknee sum bewwy strayn peeper.
And happy Valentines Day to you all...
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"Hang on, let me just whip out my compass 'cause clearly we're living in the Legend of Zelda." ~ MadgesVadge 02/10/2012
valtrex for everyone on VDay
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
When I saw this on TV I thought it was cute that they put the penguins in a pope mobile.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 10:49am.
Like the vending machines with used school girl panties?
There is a Geisha house next to my building. I have seen some strange shit come in and out of that place. I really want to sneak in but I don't see that happening.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
<"Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 10:41am.
re: VD cards in grade school - ba-buttons and his little bastard buddies would make cards for all the dorks - but address them from the cute girls - and put them in their boxes.">
As Naomi Campbell said icy-ely to Patsy Stone in AbFab: "I remember you."
There are so many things from Japan that makes me shake my head, those Japanese folks can be some strange ass mutherfukers.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 10:33am.
Ralph Wiggum gets one card only: "I loved your card! It said I Choo-Choo-Choose YOU! And it was a picture of a train!!"
Lisa Simpson: "Yeah. (nervous laugh) Great gag."
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LOL!! Ralph is the best.
re: VD cards in grade school - ba-buttons and his little bastard buddies would make cards for all the dorks - but address them from the cute girls - and put them in their boxes.
We'd write things like "Kiss me in the lunchroom today." then howl with laughter when they'd try and be shot down by the cute girl in a storm of screams and abuse. ("Whaaaaaaa??? I'd NEVER send YOU a Valentine - you're a LOSER!!!)
Grade 4 girls are utterly heartless. God bless 'em.
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
Happy Valentines Day to my fellow Dlisters!
Those penguins are like WTF?
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
The Gay Mafia makes the Illuminati look like the Boy Scouts.
This, this is a display of the Gay Mafia's awesome power. Enforced gay penguin marriage. Certainly humans are next on their twisted agenda.
(note to Gay Mafia - ba-buttons gets to be the man)
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
Ralph Wiggum gets one card only: "I loved your card! It said I Choo-Choo-Choose YOU! And it was a picture of a train!!"
Lisa Simpson: "Yeah. (nervous laugh) Great gag."
Happy Valentine's Day to all the dlisted slores, especially our top slore MK!