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The Sperm Bank Bike of Seattle!
First things first, how in the name of cum-on-the-run did I miss the sperm bank bike?! The sperm bike started swimming through the streets of Copenhagen last year and Seattle got one a couple of months ago, and my eyeballs barely touched it this morning at Metro UK. I should’ve spit up a clue when several readers in Seattle told me they saw dudes in Scientology jogging suits running through the streets with both of their mouths wide open. But just like a weak jizz load that falls on your fingers after you’ve sprained your wrist bones from giving your piece a 10-hour long marathon handjob, this post is better late than never.
The sperm bike, which is almost an exact replica of the one Jim Bob Duggar rides up into Michelle’s lady parts, is a custom-designed motorized two wheeler with a vacuum container in the front that stores the man leche samples. The Seattle Sperm Banks started using one, because they say it’s greener, faster and who doesn’t want to get a quick jolt to the ovaries from seeing a giant speeding sperm that looks like it should have the words “Came By KFed” stamped on the side of it?
The sperm bike is such a hit that The Arkansas Sperm Bank is building a Jizz Jalopy, The Miami Sperm Bank is building a Spooge Segway (Spoogeway?) and The Brooklyn Sperm Bank is just going to transport their samples in the beards of hipsters. Here’s the sperm bike in action:
If there’s ever an accident and they need somebody to clean up, they know where to find Paris Hilton.