Programming Note: Welcome Dlisted's Guest Bloggers For The Week!
The bad news is that the guest bloggers are not international supermodel Phoebe Price and her sidekick dog Henry. Chicken Cutlets' daily schedule is already filled to the top with risking her life (if she queefed, that 76 would explode into the heavens) by posing with a gas pump at various Los Angeles-area gas stations. The good news is that the guest bloggers are two Dlisted commenters! But before we get into introductions, let me explain myself.
This week, my mom and auntie are visiting all the way from California. My mom has been to New York a million times and her idea of a vacation is sitting on my couch while lecturing me on everything from my diet ("You should drink grape seed extract in distilled water instead of sugar milk with a splash of Sanka in the morning") to my exercise regime ("You should walk on the treadmill 20 minutes a day instead of walking your fat, bloated fingers along the remote for 4 hours a night!") Yes, my mother's dream in life is to be Dr. Oz's assistant of the day. Anyway, that's my mom's idea of a dream vacation, but thankfully for me it's not my auntie's.
My auntie wants to see all the shit that the tourists want to see. And I've agreed to be her guide! You know, because I'm so good at that. I'm so good at standing in a crowded elevator at the Empire State Building and loudly saying: "I've lived in New York City for almost 10 years and I've never been to the Empire State Building! Isn't that funny. Again, I've lived here for TEN WHOLE YEARS. A DECADE. That's 3,650 days if you aren't familiar with the years measurement. Isn't that crazy? Living in New York City, New York for TEN YEARS and never going to places that only tourists who don't live in New York City, New York go! You know, because I'm not a tourist so it would kind of stupid for me to go to tourist places without relatives like you who are tourists. Oh, is that my phone ringing? It's probably my New York City accountant who is calling to remind me to pay my New York State taxes next April because I'm a resident of New York City."
So yeah, I'll be doing a lot of that and won't be covering the status of Kim Kardashian's bleached asshole as much. But fear fucking not, two escapees from the Dlisted comment asylum will have you covered! And they are:
Sweetas - Sweetas in Latin does not stand for "sweet ass" as you might expect. It stands for "pickled anus," because she's as funny as she is drunk.
Jack-N-The-Hat - Jack hails to us from the wonderful state of The Fuck If I Know. Jack's Dlisted name always reminds me of Jack in the Box, which reminds me of a Sourdough Jack. And just like a Sourdough Jack, this Jack is full of processed meat, covered in bread and will give you the hard shits if you swallow him too fast. But Jack is the classier Jack in the Box, because he's got a hat instead of a box. If your pussy is too good, refer to it as a "hat" instead of a "box." The term "box" is only reserved for bougie pussies.
Sweetas and Jack be here all week! I'll also be posting in the morning and sometimes throughout the day, but they'll cover most of the hard hitting stories (see: Kim Kardashian's bleached asshole). Please give them the love and respect you give me on a daily basis. And yes, by "love and respect," I mean a lot of boos, made up coupons for Grammar School and pictures of kittens and peens (But not pictures of kitten peens, because that would just be over the line! Or would it?).
• 
OMG sluts!!! Are you ready for this? I hope I am! Be gentle, or at least pull my hair a little. Don't worry, MK will still be on just not as much. It's only for a week, you can do this!
Submitted by MudTurtle on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 8:07am.
THIS RIGHT HERE
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Think about how nervous they are right now...questioning their existence....
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 8:12am.
*****
Glad I'm not the only one who noticed...
and if we are all Sucky, well...I don't even know HOW to finish that sentence!!!
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Well-behaved women rarely make history
Jack are you nervous? why no posts yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet
:D
I seriously cant wait to read y'all posts :P.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 8:07am.
JACK DID YOU POST YET? IT'S 10AM OMGGGG HURRY UP. YOU NEED TO DRINK SANKA LIKE MIGUELINA!!!
====
Sucky, I think they flew to Africa to adopt some BABIES!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
This should be hilarious :) <3
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
Awwww, have a great vacation with your fam, MK! You deserve it. Congrats, Sweetas and Jack!
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
HMMmm... Mud Turtle! Yes you are DEFINITELY right about Centy's CRAZY BAIT!
Fraggle/schlong/Zombie/whomever else is a beast of another color. I like saddling it up and going for a ride... She's fun!
But what do I know??? We could ALL BE SUCK N FUCK
Have a great vacation MK and congrats Jack and Sweetas!
Well if Jack and Sweetas weren't fucking before, they are gonna now! Congrats you two.
MK sounds so happy, not as much snark and lots of exclamation points I see. Have a great vacation!
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as fuck like you.
seems just like yesterday when mk's mom came to town and he showed her around. he did well keeping up with the blogging then but this should be interesting.
of course, congrats to jacko and sweetas the queen of hilarity and the resident manslut extraordinaire. makes sense considering (when put together) they describe mk to a T.
it musta been hard pickin though because there's so many horny funny fucks to choose from here.
-like a bitch in heat, i seem to attract a coterie of policemen and sanitation officials. -JKT
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 8:04am.
*******************
Maybe not Fraggle, but definitely Cent...she lies in wait jsut waiting for someone to post something that she can (nicely, at first) question, then all-out attack, and then insult. It gets old and makes me stay away from Dlisted. It's almost like the bully who lurks around the corner, just waiting for someone to come along, and then when said bully gets in trouble, it's always some excuse as to why they act that way.
Sorry for the rant. It's just something I have noticed over time, and it's ridiculous when everyone comes here just to relax.
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Well-behaved women rarely make history
Submitted by DeeDee on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:57am.
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:41am.
OK, people, we need a celebrity name for this lovely new couple: Jack and Sweetas! As-hat? Jackas? Jack-in-Sweetas?
__________________
Sweet-Ass-Hat?
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*chokes on coffee and spews it all over computer monitor*
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:51am.
Well well well... looks like we have two teacher's pets.
Jack and Sweetas... do a good job or I'll steal your lunch money and put thumbtacks in your chair while you're at the black board.
LMAO Don't forget the classic move of coming up behind them, pushing their books out of their arms, then when they bend over to pick them up, kicking them in the ass so they fall over.
Not that I would ever do anything so cruel, but I've heard things.
JACK DID YOU POST YET? IT'S 10AM OMGGGG HURRY UP. YOU NEED TO DRINK SANKA LIKE MIGUELINA!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Management fraternizing with the help -- BWAHAHA!
Jack, you're OUT!
I. am. not. amused.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 8:02am.
lmao bjorky!! EYE EYE, sir!
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But for you, Jack, it's just EYE sir!
Am I the only one who reads it as:
Guest BOOGERS???
you'd think I only had one eye.
*chanting as always*
MUD TURTLE - Centy CAN'T be Fraggle!
Can she?
Fraggle is mah love, she's a beautiful, crazy, big-brained bitch!
Centy... she's neither beautiful or big-brained...
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 8:00am.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon: "Grainey - BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCCH!"
Stop commenting here, bitch, and get to writing. You're management now.
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BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's so true Bjork. No fraternizing with the help jacko.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:56am.
Goldshift... you mad?
http://i470.photobucket.com/albums/rr65/GearedGT/fc85535_oh_he_mad.jpg
OOOOOH! A Ghey one:
Swack!
*chanting as always*
Submitted by MudTurtle on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:58am: "...I bet Centaurious/Fraggle/Schlong/etc is irate though. It's obvious she thinks she is the most hilarious and gifted writer here, and she always has that 'people make fun of my mental illness' excuse to fall back on when she's not...except the only person I've ever witnessed mention it here is her."
Oh smack!!
OMG, WHAT A FUCKING HONOR!!!!
Congtrats you hors, Hoff is jelly!!!
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What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
honestly. He's not like all my other friends who really don't care about me.
Lucifer_Sam on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:36am.
Sweetas & Jack-N-The-Hat
Who are these people?
Sweetas: the "CAPTION THIS" Master
&
Jack: is a funny and clever hor'
lmao bjorky!! EYE EYE, sir!
_____________________________________________
Anyone can get screwed, its not rocket science.
Submitted by kate773 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:06am.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:56am.
ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:17am.
MILLIONS ARE CRYING!
ENJOY YOUR FAM MK!
________________________
Hahahahaha! But the real question is - How does Roger Ebert feel about this?
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon: "Grainey - BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCCH!"
Stop commenting here, bitch, and get to writing. You're management now.
I soooo love that MK chose two among the faithful D-Listed whores as guest bloggers.
Good luck to you guys!
MK, have fun!
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Silvio Berlusconi, just die already.
WOOHOOO!!!! Congrats to SWEETASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great choice MK. Congrat Jack-in-the-hat!!!!
I shall be around all week to show my support ;)
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon: "Grainey - BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCCH!"
Stop posting here, bitch, and get to writing. You're management now.
Submitted by DeeDee on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:57am.
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:41am.
OK, people, we need a celebrity name for this lovely new couple: Jack and Sweetas! As-hat? Jackas? Jack-in-Sweetas?
____________________________
Sweatjack? Good luck you two!!!!
Grainey - BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCCH!
_____________________________________________
Anyone can get screwed, its not rocket science.
Submitted by kate773 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:06am.
This is awesome! Good deal for everyone involved:)
I bet Centaurious/Fraggle/Schlong/etc is irate though. It's obvious she thinks she is the most hilarious and gifted writer here, and she always has that 'people make fun of my mental illness' excuse to fall back on when she's not...except the only person I've ever witnessed mention it here is her.
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Well-behaved women rarely make history
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:41am.
OK, people, we need a celebrity name for this lovely new couple: Jack and Sweetas! As-hat? Jackas? Jack-in-Sweetas?
__________________
Sweet-Ass-Hat?
Raul was thinking about booking his vacation too this week and realizes now just how much he fucked up by not following through. Hurry up ya one-eyed bearded bastard, let's make this trainwreck happen!
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 12:05pm. You aren't a blip on my radar.
Au contraire mon frere, Raul is on Ziggy's mind like ugly on an ape! ┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
Submitted by Goldshift on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:42am: "at least its not M.E. and suckandfuck. its only 6:32 AM and I've already had my recommended dose of ASSHOLE for the week."
Ha, ha!
(How is asshole dosage measured? Sounds messy.)
Goldshift... you mad?
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Jack!
I have an idea for a post. Please take a look and let me know what you think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
And, not for nothing, we all know it's been you two "ghosting" for a while now, getting your D-legs!!!
Submitted by Eileenie McMeanie on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:45am.
Haters gonna hate, Goldshift
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Please, that is what this site is about. Hating people you'll never meet.
Well well well... looks like we have two teacher's pets.
Jack and Sweetas... do a good job or I'll steal your lunch money and put thumbtacks in your chair while you're at the black board.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
They're getting famous fast!! Apparently, NBC already has an interview that Jack did with Chris Hansen.
Oh yeah: NEW RULES. Since MK doesn't comment on our comments, you guys are hereby OUSTED for the week!
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:48am
Hey, Hot Stuff! I think they are in the kitchen sink. When we were reenacting "9 and 1/2 weeks", I threw them there). ♥
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
Ugh, no thanks..see you in a week.
I JUST googled Michael K Nude and this came up:
Profile for Michael Knude
http://dk.linkedin.com/pub/michael-knude-jensen/b/a32/aa8