Two And A Half NOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!
CBS has just conquered the impossible: they have made Two and a Half Men even more terrible. Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones barely dried off the last drops of douche syrup that spewed out of Charlie Sheen's warlock hole and now they're about to get another wave. Why won't anybody think of Angus T. Jones?! Hasn't he been through enough?
Deadline Hollywood reported last night that CBS' extra thick skid mark named Two and a Half Men will get an extra layer of shit from Ashton Kutcher next season. After Hugh Grant turned down a $25 million offer to replace Charlie Sheen, the producers shook hands with an ass wart who is more annoying than a Demi Moore bathroom bikini photo shoot. The show's creator, Chuck Lorre, is telling people that they came up with a really funny and creative way to introduce Kutchie's character. I'm sure Kutchie will play the long-lost, broken condom baby of Charlie Sheen's character who comes to town to find his father. You know, because we've never seen a storyline like this on television ever. Or Jon Cryer's character will wake up in the 70s from a horrific nightmare where he re-imagined Kelso as Charlie Sheen and Fez as a fat white kid.
CBS wouldn't confirm or deny that they are Summers Eve-ing Two and a Half Men, but Kutchie Tweeted this little wink last night:
"What's the square root of 6.25?
The only way I will approve of the worst casting decision ever is if the new opener features Demi Moore busting out her world famous "geriatric ape giving birth to a seizure baby" moves. The only way.
sssss
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This doesn't sound like anyone's plum assignment. After 10 years how much longer can it last? Plus...
Apparently a perfectly sober Ashton Kushtner is worth about 65% of a cracked-out Charlie Sheen who has to have the marks changed sometimes so there's something to lean on. That would be enough for me if I was Charlie Sheen but something tells me we haven't heard the end of Charlie. He may make a guest appearance through Ashton and Demi's skylight some morning about 3am.
http://soundcloud.com/burning_plastic
http://twitter.com/#!/burning_plastic
Lorre racking his brains: "We're already catering to the lowest common denominator - what's the demographic that has even less sophisticated taste level than the current TAHM audience? Of course, fans of Punk'd! God, I really am a genius!"
I really wanted Hugh Grant (for the WTF? of it all) and John Stamos or Rob Lowe.
They really scrapped the bottom of the barrel on this one. Hollywood really has no one else that is funny? Maybe no one of them wanted to join the sinking ship and Asston was the only stupid one willing to take the job? Whatever.
Please, please, please don't have Demi on the show for ANY reason. Please..............
"Submitted by scig on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 12:32pm.
WTF!!!! This dumb bitch is going to pollute the freakin airwaves....Is Hollywood that fucking desperate?
I would rather have this guy in the link below fill in for Charlie "Warlock" Sheen...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPASXhdzAGU&feature=player_embedded"
What in the hell....?
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 11:28am.
This will destroy the idea of the show - do they really expect people to believe a nelly queen (Ashton) salivating over fish 24/7??!!!
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haha!you speak the truth Mrs Campbell!
"Angus" is only one letter away from "Anus".. Just sayin..
It's called... let the show die. On the other hand, this will surely push Gnarlie Cheen over the edge. Drum roll!
WTF!!!! This dumb bitch is going to pollute the freakin airwaves....Is Hollywood that fucking desperate?
I would rather have this guy in the link below fill in for Charlie "Warlock" Sheen...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPASXhdzAGU&feature=player_embedded
Dude, you can't even open a movie, how are you going to be a replacement of a hit show?
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
They hire Hollywood's biggest asshat who's into boinking a walking Tupperware party.
Make sense to me.
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"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone
For this fuckery, just bring back Charlie Sheen.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 11:28am.
This will destroy the idea of the show - do they really expect people to believe a nelly queen (Ashton) salivating over fish 24/7??!!!
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Well, it worked for him once. That's how he got here...acting like a douchebag ladykiller.
♥ Threadkilla!
Pose Like a Chola:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUWN3wBUGr8
This will destroy the idea of the show - do they really expect people to believe a nelly queen (Ashton) salivating over fish 24/7??!!!
EUW..... What horrible casting!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO NO NO.... NOOOOOOOOOOO.
That's it, the show is DEAD.
Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 8:29am.
Like Ashton Kutcher knows the square root of anything without Googling it.
Interesting fact: The square root of Demi's age, minus the circumference of Rumor's chin and multiplied by the length of his wiener is roughly equal to pi.
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Pie is yummy! Mmmmmmmmmm.....
♥ Threadkilla!
Pose Like a Chola:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUWN3wBUGr8
It's official.
G-d only knows why.
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I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
He's going to make Sheen seem like Olivier.
I mean, how many farts can you light?
__________________________
GERONIMO!
If this does work out, the show will be cancelled in a season.
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I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
I can't think of anyone more annoying than this douche.
Maybe they're trying to appeal to the stupid 14-yr old girls who'll think he's sexy. They'll keep him half naked, oily and stupid (like in real life) and use his character to teach Jake how to be a player.
This show is a circling turd.
I find the irony of the Hugh Grant situation laughable. I like Hugh, but they almost hired a guy caught with a 20 dollar hooker to replace a guy partying with goddesses.
OK, I don't get the Hugh Grant angle. I mean, how much can one person take with the foppish stuttering, rapid-eye blinking, I-have-great-hair-but-it's-in-my-eyes thing?
i wanna slurp on his crotch all night long baby. hellz yea
Kelly Taylor: Well we all have our crosses to bear.
Brenda Walsh: Or our legs to uncross.
-----episode 3.14 "Wild Horses," Beverly Hills 90210
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 10:11am.
@Rusty: Thanks! We all know Hollywood enough to know that those serpents ain't got no feelings.
And hell if I don't LOVE calling 'em out!
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
Submitted by natters5 on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 8:55am.
I predict with this choice, next season will be the last season of "Two and Half Men". Cast and crew better start saving their paychecks. I would have watched every episode if Hugh Grant had been chosen but why would I watch Ashton Kutcher if I didn't even think he was good on that "Seventies" show??
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I agree. I think they just want to make up as much money as they can and start the last season for 2-1/2 Men. With that title, it couldn't go much longer (Jake ain't a 1/2 a man anymore) anyway.
Chuck wants to show that he didn't need Charlie. But Chuck needs Charlie more than he realizes. Especially when Charlie goes onto other projects.
Charlie and John Stamos should do a TV show together. Now that's a HIT!
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
Bows down to Ricki Lake.
Submitted by stefystef on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 10:04am.
Good analysis.
LOL @ "Chuck (Chaim) Lorre should bit the bullet and bring Charlie back. Stop acting like his feelings were hurt because everyone knows that TV executive don't have feelings."
...........
80s flashback: Under the Milky Way
This is...ridiculous. And doesn't even make sense, as the two are not even remotely similar in anyway. They may as well have replaced Charlie with Reba fucking McEntire. (And how amazing that might not probably have been.)
I feel bad for Jon Cryer, who has probably been stable and dependable and not an ungrateful nepofuck attention whore and showed up and did his job like a normal human being every day was probably way outsalaried by Charlie Sheen, and will probably still be way outsalaried by this tardo Iowan twin-dumping abortion turd when he walks onto the set, day one. I'd be pissed.
Why the fuck didn't they just cancel it though? I've never watched, but wasn't it entirely based around and conceived FOR Charlie Sheen? It's like firing Kelsey Grammer and keeping Frasier on the air by replacing him with a lookalike trailer park pound hound with jowls the size British chippy stewardess pussyflaps. Retarded. Cancel the show, burn all the sets and kindle the conflagration with Cheen's fresh-off-of-daddy's-cock hooker brigade while the regular cast roasts marshmallows amongst the smoking remains of his surisingly-butt-ugly-without-makeup-*cough*-I'm-looking-at-you-Bree-Olsen-*cough* subhuman playthings. The delicious aroma of burnt human trashflesh comingled with the expiation of the most shiteous and dastardly program on TV makes me oh so fucking hard.
this morning the gossip pages are agog with his face. i hate his face. he is not even acceptable in a hatefuck/violentrape kinda capacity. i don't understand his following. at all.
Hugh Grant=YES!
Ashton Kuntcher=FUCK NO!
Okay, I watch 2-1/2 Men in syndication, never on CBS.
Also, I thought it was funny early on, the first 4 season, when Jake was still a little kid.
Now that he's a older teenager, practically 18 years old, I don't find it funny. It's just bad sex jokes and Alan still being neurotic and Charlie still being, well, Charlie.
I didn't see the series going past season 9 anyway.
With that said, I HATE the idea of Ashton as the replacement to Charlie and I hope Charlie fans protest the show. Chuck (Chaim) Lorre should bit the bullet and bring Charlie back. Stop acting like his feelings were hurt because everyone knows that TV executive don't have feelings.
As I said in a previous post, the first couple of eps will do well because of the curiosity factor and then, boom. Down the tubes it goes...
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
I would have been licking the television if Hugh was on. Now I'll just go back to not caring about it.
I'd rather see Kutcher than that crackhead Hollywood hillbilly any day of the week.
Athina - no worries. ♥
BH like's stupid shows IDK why.
Swamp Loggers, Ax Men, etc. He LOVES them.
I'm playing Bejeweled while these are on. LOL
So what do you call it when a show that's already crap jumps the shark?
Maybe they should just give the Berta character her own show with a new cast. I've always liked the actor who plays her in anything she does.
Oh, and I don't mean to imply that every man who watched the show is sexist. Apologies to Jack and M.E.'s BH.
This is the BEST they could come up with? FUCK.
Somewhere, Charlie Sheen is laughing his ass off and screaming, " I WON".
I hope Ducky's getting a paycheck that makes up for having to deal with these fucktards.
Submitted by barburger on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 9:25am.
The only way I could see this working, is bringing Kutcher in as Allan's lover. They've insinuated over the years, Allan's potential of playing for the other team. Personally, I was hoping for Matt Dillon.
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I like the idea, but it would never work. The largest demographic for this show were sexist men who hailed Charlie Sheen as their hero. Going gay would chase the men away in droves.
Someone please explain to me a world where this dolt, Paris Hilton, Bristol Palin et. al. are rich, and I can't fill up my damn Yugo?
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Oh my God, that feels great!
I NEVER watched this show.
Now I'm EXTRA NEVER WATCHING this show.
Out of principle I won't watch Ashton try to replace Sheen. Nope.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 9:27am.
Right, they have, but succeed without Sheen--to prove he was always replaceable. I think--get ready for a shock--Lorre has an outsized ego as large as Sheen's.
I like Barburger's idea of Matt Dillon, too.
...........
80s flashback: Under the Milky Way
Awesome. If this is true, that means BH won't watch anymore.
I AM SAVED!
And we all know the "guest star" list will begin with Taterhead Kutcher as the "pretty" new office hire/fat too-old kid's math tutor/feminist traffic cop.
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Hand me my shank.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 05/13/2011 - 9:14am.
Maybe, in their own fit of hubris, the producers want to prove that any idiot can read their writers' brilliant lines and make the show succeed?
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Well, they've already proven a barely coherent crack zombie can read their lines and make the show succeed. Shouldn't they just quit while they're ahead?
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