Hot Sluts Of The Week: b4-4

Birthdays: March 13, 1982 & December 5, 1979
Ages: 27 (Ohad) & 29 (Ryan & Dan)
Birth Names: Ohad Einbinder, Ryan and Dan Kowarsky

Original Date of HS of the Day: November 23, 2009
Claim to Fame: b4-4 was a Canadian boy band that went double aluminum foil with their hits “Get Down” and “Go Go.” They also used that aluminum foil to frost their tips.

b4-4 was only together for a quick second, because all beautiful things must come to an end. And because the guidos of 1995 wanted their look back and threatened to sue.

Where are they now? Ohad moved to Los Angeles from Canada to pursue a modeling career. This means you can find him working the early shift at Koo Koo Roo in West Hollywood or doing drag at Arena on Sundays. As for Ryan & Dan, they moved to London, shaved the bleached hedgehog off their heads and formed a new musical duo creatively called RyanDan. They now make the musical equivalent of Clay Gayken’s post-sex queefs. That’s a compliment. Click here to listen for yourself.

Why are they HS of the Week? Because of THIS:

Hot Slut Of The Week: Carmen de Mairena

Birthday: March 15, 1933
Age: 76
Birth Name: Miguel de Mairena

Original Date of HS of the Day: November 22, 2009
Claim to Fame: Carmen is Spain’s official transgender legend. Carmen is a TV star, a chanteuse and has also been known to get down in porn movies.

Where is she now? Carmen is either wrestling tarantulas in her backyard to glue onto her eyelids or she’s injecting garden slugs into her lips.
Why is she HS of the Week? Because all of us secretly wish we will be plastic-faced porn stars when we’re 76 years-old. It’s the truth.

Hot Slut Of The Week: Patty From Dallas Divas & Daughters

Birthday: 1974ish
Age: 34 (in real-life human years)
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: November 9, 2009
Claim to Fame: Patty is the Kim Zolciak of the Style Network’s Real Housewives’ knock-off Dallas Divas & Daughters. Patty is an unemployed single natural beauty, but is always driving fancy cars and wearing expensive clothes. And just like Kim Zolciak, Patty’s hair was rescued from an animal shelter.

Where is she now? Patty is most likely at her local church where regular people come to pray to her celestial eyebrows on a daily basis. If you take a few shots of tequila and squint, you can see Jesus’ palms in her brows.

Why is she HS of the Week? Um. EYEBROWS. And because Patty is so misunderstood. On this past episode, Patty showed up to a party dressed like Dianne Wiest in Bullets Over Broadway (more like Bullets Over Compton). But those dumb bitches in Dallas couldn’t wrap their simple heads around Patty’s glamour:

Hot Slut Of The Week: Dolores The Bear

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: Dolores

Original Date of HS of the Day: November 5, 2009
Claim to Fame: Dolores was just a regular ole’ bear at the Leipzig Zoo in Germany. And then for some reason, Dolores and the other chick bears (named Lolita and Bianca) lost all of their fur. While experts try to figure out why the bears have suddenly become Jude Law’s hairline, Dolores and her friends are walking around nekkid.

Where is she now? Um. Walking around nekkid.
Why is she HS of the Week? Um. Because she walks around nekkid. And because she’s a bear named Dolores. Who names a bear Dolores?! While her friends have sexy names like Lolita and Bianca, she has the name Dolores! That’s kind of hot.

Below is footage of Dolores….walking around nekkid. Someone should really put black bars over her frozen fuck parts. Privacy please!

Hot Slut Of The Week: Deidra Daley Everett

Birthday: 32
Age: 1977ish
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: October 31, 2009
Claim to Fame: Deidra has been shaking her chichichichichichiiiiiis and belly all over the internet for a few years now. Deidra mostly works as a BBW internet model, but every now and again she graces TV screens. Most recently, Deidra was a contestant on Canada’s Halloween Superstar, but sadly she didn’t win that shit.

Where is she now? Deidra is going to be on National Geographic Channel’s Taboo in a few weeks where she’ll talk about how she embraces being a BBW.
Why is she HS of the Week? I’m just going to let Deidra’s MySpace Gallery do the talking.

And below is Deidra’s triumphant appearance on Miami Ink:

Hot Slut Of The Week: Abuelita Hot Chocolate

Birthday: ?
Age: Don’t ask unless you want a knot in your forehead.
Birth Name: Abuelita. Simply, Abuelita.

Original Date of HS of the Day: October 21, 2007
Claim to Fame: I’ll let Abuelita herself explain: “Por generaciones, el Chocolate Abuelita de Nestlé ha sido parte esencial de nuestra cocina. Al ser rico y espumoso, nos brinda un exquisito sabor con “calor de hogar”. Úsalo para darle vida a tradicionales platillos, como el mole. Y para esos días en que tienes poco tiempo y mucho antojo, disfruta de Abuelita Instantáneo.” Doesn’t that just warm your inner soul, and make you want to look behind your back for flying chanklas?

And time for a fun fact: Mexican legend Sara Garcia has been the image of Abuelita hot chocolate since the olden days.

Where is she now? Probably burning some brat’s tongue for talking back. And Abuelita burns with a hot knife.
Why is she HS of the Week? Do we even need to ask?