The CAPTION THIS Contest

OK Goopy we get it. Your backyard cookout is way, way better and more sophisticated than ours. - citizenstrange

Runners-up:

Chelsea Lately overdoes her sunbathing again and has to be scraped up by her assistants, who never let a good opportunity go to waste. - LaChaylo

Kirstie Alley goes to Hell. - cs182

When John Travolta heard about a piping-hot hole surrounded by wieners, he came running--but left disappointed. - FluffKitteh

OK, when the Kitchen Nightmare cameras zoomed in real close I understand why Ramsey sent this pizza back. - TexnDoc

Runners-up:

The yearly cleaning of Mama June's chin folds is going well...no casualties as of yet. - faux_0

Porn from 2025: Middle-Aged Mom Farrah Abraham in Prolapse Boogaloo 14 - Cookie-Slore

In the Crème de menthe liqueur wrestling contest, the "I can lick my own taint' guy always wins. ALWAYS. - AnointyNointy

via Izismile

Rejected by the Macy's parade committee, the Def Jam balloon featured a tribute to Russell Simmons and the hot dogs that were surgically removed from Kimora Lee's neck. - Dawn Davenport

Runners-up:

After much begging and pleading from PMK, The city of Los Angeles finally agreed to give Kim Kardashian her very own float for the upcoming Memorial Day parade. - N.

Oh, look! Jennifer Aniston's honeymoon balloon ride 'accidentally' crash landed on St. Angie's property. Well played Jennifer, well played. - seejaneclick

via Boing Boing

Poor Goopy knows exactly what to expect when she goes to the restroom after having a coke and an Oreo. - LaChaylo

Runners-up:

The real reason for the break up... this is what Ryan Seacrest saw every time he looked at Julianne Hough. - tojo

I don't see what the big deal is. It's just proof that Federline jacked off last time he was at the beach. - Skinnymalinky

Being an epileptic at SeaWorld also has its advantages! - BaconSlut

via PIU

Courtney Stodden was afraid jumping out of a cake for her husband's birthday party would mess up her lip gloss, so she opted for plan B. - jellin76

Runners-up:

So...your prostitute's name was Tucky Charms, who kept bragging about being "Magically Suspicious", and you woke up this morning with a weird phallic shaped bruise on your face? Well, that is a mystery... - cs182

It was only a matter of time before someone found another use for that lickable wallpaper from Willy Wonka's factory tour. - Migraine Sally

Charlie Sheen knew exactly what to get his twin boys for their fifth birthday. He wasn't worried about the size - they'd grow into it. - LaChaylo

via Fail Blog (Thanks, Darla)

Meals on Wheels: Zombie Apocalypse Edition - Sweetas

Runners-up:

Pro tip: ALWAYS use a professional escort to fulfill your "UPS Man" fantasy, otherwise you'll get what you pay for. - Furry-Hunk-Of-Man-Beef

When she heard "$2000 for anything you can push, pull, or drag in!" it was as if her prayers had been answered. - GingeMinge

via Break

Donald Trump was forced to drop his lawsuit when photos of his biological parents emerged. - H321

Runners-up:

Go to Australia, they said. The hot little natives there will be jumping all over your crotch, they said. - ImpertinentVixen

Abandon me in Germany? Look at me now bitch! - daisy100

Farrah, thought the money was going to your child's education? Not on a topless beach vacay in St Tropez. - El Bastardo

via Izismile

Marlee Matlin signs "BOY that's a noisy model." - TexnDoc

Runner-up:

The rejects from the Hamburger Helper auditions opted for a career in fashion. - dbella

via The Chive

Never before seen maternity pictures of Dexter Morgan's birth mother. - Classof1997

Runners-up:

Warning: Misuse of the female condom can result in pregnancy, entrapment, and looking like a dumb ass. - killerswan

Some smart husband got a new car and is ready for that water to break this time. It's wear that or she walks to the hospital. - TexnDoc

Oddly, the "Laura Palmer" was not a popular choice for maternity photo shoots.- Fruitibras

via Awkward Family Photos

Mama June's wedding reception met every expectation. - oryx

Runners-up:

Stills from the Miley and Liam sex tape nobody needed. - cmclaughlin09

Even the most exotic people still have the same old pedestrian argument about should the toilet paper go over or under. - citizenstrange

via The Chive