Back in the day, the best part of the holiday season wasn’t Thanksgiving or Hannukah or Christmas. It was the day on Oprah’s talk show when she released her Favorite Things list and surprised an audience of middle-aged women who lost their shit over the truckloads of free crap they were about to receive. It could have been an iPad or brownies or even a subscription to her own magazine – it didn’t matter! As long as it was free, you were guaranteed to see tears and even a few elbows to the face from audience members trying to get to their share of the pie. Even though Oprah is off the air, she still releases a list of her Favorite Things, and she just dropped the 2018 lineup. Thanks to people like Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop, Oprah’s list of must-haves almost seems down-to-Earth!
People says one of Oprah’s marquee item to give away this year is a foot massager that retails for $199. She blabbed on about it:
“When I tried this foot massager, I swear fireworks lit the sky, waves pounded against the shore, and a choir of angels sang. When I tried this foot massager, I swear fireworks lit the sky, waves pounded against the shore, and a choir of angels sang.”
It’s unclear if that TruMedic massager gave Oprah a happy ending to her foot rub, but that description will surely keep the massager aisle at Target busy this holiday season. Two of her magazine minions doubled down on it while on Good Morning America today:
$199 is nothing to sneeze at, but I saw this and the complete list on the Oprah Magazine website and got concerned. Popcorn? Socks?? A hand mixer?! Where is Oprah?! And why did my great-great Aunt Ethel’s Christmas list somehow get mixed up with Oprah’s?! Just before Gwyn and the Goop guerilla fighters could haughtily press send on their holiday list of $1,400 undershirts, I finally scrolled to the bottom to see Oprah still managed to eek out a few items that – if she still had a live TV show – audience members wouldn’t think twice about auctioning off their own mothers in order to possess. There’s a $1,300 TV, an $800 Apple Watch, the latest iPhone, and – my personal favorite – a $30 lasagna pan that lets you cook THREE different lasagnas at the same time: one for you and one for the Gayle AND the Stedman in your life! Or in my case, three lasagnas for me and me alone!
Pic: O Magazine/Ruven Afanador