Romaine Lettuce Is Dangerous

April 21, 2018 / Posted by:

This wasn’t a known quality? Anything green and supposedly “healthy” will kill you eventually. Good nutrition is a myth. The evidence? I’ve been eating Lil Debbie snack cakes on the regular since I was but a slip of a girl and I’m still breathing. Barely, but still – breathing.

According to The Washington Post, public health officials are warning everybody to avoid “any types” of romaine lettuce because it may carry the reason some of us stopped eating at Chipotle for a long time: E. coli bacteria.

On Friday, the Center for Disease Control reported that romaine lettuce out of southwest Arizona is responsible for cases of E. coli in 16 states with the hardest hit being Pennsylvania and Idaho. At least 60 people got sick, including eight inmates in an Alaskan prison.

Originally, the CDC was warning against eating chopped romaine. They have now expanded their list of deathful greenery to include “any type of romaine lettuce, including whole heads and hearts of romaine.”¬†And they ain’t playin’ with this warning. 31 people have been hospitalized, and five of them have developed a type of kidney failure called hemolytic uremic syndrome. Luckily there haven’t been any fatalities

They’re not sure of the exact source of the outbreak, but they’ve narrowed it down to the city of Yuma, Arizona. And they’re urging Americans who have store-bought romaine in their crisper (including the lettuce in salads and salad mixes) to chuck it. This is even meant for the people who have already partaken of it in their homes and didn’t get sick. Err on the side of not dying from explosive diarrhea and throw it out!

Your weekend blogger is famously known for not eating lettuce. “What do you mean you don’t eat lettuce? It has no taste!” they shriek at me. Oh yes, it does. It tastes like I imagine grass tastes like. And there’s this malodourous non-odor that just ruins everything it touches. It’s Satan’s leaf! And Satan’s leaf will always bring the evil!

Pic: Wikipedia Creative Commons

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