“Nashville” Will Live On!

June 10, 2016 / Posted by:

Some people who watched Nashville considered it their “guilty pleasure,” but I never called it that. Nashville was a high-class piece of television art compared to the other crap I watch. My DVR looks like the inside of a backed-up toilet in the bathroom of a porn theater that has a taco bar in its lobby. It’s full of used condoms and shit. Nashville was one of my pride and joys in my DVR lineup. So when ABC announced that they were canceling it, I wondered what show I would bring up at parties in front of fancy people while they talked about last week’s episode of whatever fucking boring PBS show they’re watching. But thankfully, I can keep impressing and dazzling them with my knowledge of Nashville, because it’s been picked up by another network!

Entertainment Weekly confirmed that the rumors of CMT saving Nashville from death are true. CMT has picked up the show for a 5th season and they have ordered a total of 22 episodes. Nashville will also stream on Hulu. The deal happened with help from $11 million in local tax incentives from the state of Tennessee. Because of those incentives, Nashville can continue to shoot in the city it’s named after. The president of CMT released this statement:

“CMT heard the fans. The wave of love and appreciation they have unleashed for Nashville has been overwhelming. Nashville is a perfect addition to our evolving line-up of big music specials, documentaries, and original series. We see our fans and ourselves in this show and we will treasure it like no other network. Nashville belongs on CMT.”

The main cast, including Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere, are reportedly under contract for 2 more seasons, but that doesn’t mean they have to be regulars. They can apparently decide that they want to be demoted to supporting or recurring or whatever. CMT hasn’t announced who’s coming back yet.

Hayden and Connie are probably expensive, so I have an idea that will keep the budget down and bring in at least 45 million new viewers. In the season 4 finale, (SPOILER ALERT) a private plane carrying Juliette (Hayden’s character) goes missing as she’s flying to reunite with her estranged baby father. Well, in the season 5 opener, we find out that Juliette’s plane crashed into Rayna’s house. Rayna is Connie’s character. They both live, but their faces get severely jacked up and they need tons of plastic surgery. When the bandages are removed after all of their plastic surgeries, Rayna will come out looking like Jamie Luner from Savannah and Juliette will look like Shannen Doherty. Sure, Shannen is a lot older than Hayden, but she’s an ageless beauty who can play any age. The ratings would skyrocket to infinity and beyond! I know, I was totally lowballing with 45 million. More like (insert the earth’s entire population here)!

Pic: ABC

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