Open Post: Hosted By Satan’s Meat

March 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Get your damn head out of the gutter! It’s Easter weekend. Stop thinking about red, horned peen, you filthy pervert. Being a religious holiday weekend, I thought it important to acknowledge the other side of the coin. Namaste. This picture of a rib steak was taken in La Paz in Baha California Sur and has sent the internet, specifically the Mexican internet, into a rosary clutching, Dios mio tizzy.

The Mexican news site El Metichon (via Daily Mail) reports that the rib steak is Mexico’s newest super sexy controversial celebrity superstar because it comes from Mexico’s largest meat processor, SuKarne. For those of you that don’t habla Spanish, that name is a play on “su carne”, which means “your meat”. The more you know. And, again, get your head out the gutter, ya filthy pervert. Apparently, loads of people have been offering their bodies to the dark side by commenting on the original post saying they wanna grill it up and get their hell fire on. Real detective sleuthing has also revealed that the butcher who cut this piece was made fun of by his co-workers and was even asked by a local paper if he’d performed a satanic ritual so as to create this masterpiece of flesh and bone.

We’ve all had just about enough of Jesus toast, so good thing another religiously affiliated food miracle came along at this holy time of year. It acts as a reminder for us all to be good little Catholic school girls lest we be tempted into sin and Satan jumps out of a steak and steal our purity. I hope your tomorrow is full of eggs and chocolate and lots of crafting. Yes, I’m being super nice because Easter is my favorite holiday. Stay pious!

Pic: El Metichon

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