As we walk through the valley of the shadow of death while making our way to the afterworld, we can all tell ourselves that we’ve learned everything there is to learn about life, because we know that Geraldo Rivera shaves his pubes. Twitter can shut down now, because I’ve seen everything and I don’t want to see anymore.
Last night, all the moisture on the Earth’s surface dried up when the freshly shaven Fox of Fox News, Geraldo Rivera, tweeted this bathroom selfie of his 70-year-old nipples and smooth pepaw crotch, and he added the note:
70 is the new 50 (Erica and family are going to be so pissed…but at my age…)
This picture is what you would see if you looked at Grindr while in the middle of a retirement community in Boca. Jesus be a flying chair to hit me in the head and knock out the image of a naked Geraldo Rivera.
With all that being said, no, I would not hit it, even with Geraldo’s rose-colored glasses on. Rose-colored glasses are strong, but they’re not that strong. (And the sad truth is, I probably would hit it. It’s the downfall of being a shameless, desperate slut.)