They're Trying To Remake Heathers Again
Because Hollywood (and now Bravo) just can't let our dead gay classics rest in peace, they're still trying to pull Heathers out of its beautiful grave and fuck it gently with a chainsaw by remaking it. Over three years ago, I shed a single tear as Hollywood pulled my dick (not in a sexy way) by announcing they were rebooting Heathers and now Bravo is pulling it harder by saying they're turning Heathers into a damn fucking TV SHOW!
The Hollywood Reporter (via Vulture) says that Bravo and The Big C's Jenny Bicks are redeveloping Heathers into a scripted TV show that they hope will terrorize our screens next year. We all know that Veronica went to college in London, got kicked out after she had an affair with a professor, moved to NYC and published a few of her own zines before giving up on writing to spend her days throwing lit matches at people from the stoop of her Brooklyn apartment building, but Bravo has other ideas about what happened to her. This is what they think:
In the updated take, Heathers picks up 20 years later, with Veronica (Ryder's character) returning home to Sherwood with her teenage daughter, who must contend with the next generation of mean girls: the Ashleys: the daughters of the surviving Heathers.
Yes, that is what it feels like when somebody shits in your eyes. That is awful and since this is Bravo, we already know what the cast list is going to look like:
Veronica: Heather Dubrow from The Real Housewives of Orange County
Veronica's daughter: That girl from Gallery Girls who sort of looks like a slow Clara Bow
Ashley 1: Gia Giudice from The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Ashley 2: Andy Cohen in a blond wig
Ashley 3: The slutty singer chick who saved Aviva's stupid party by being a mess
Martha Dumptruck: Cousin Rosie from The Real Housewives of New Jersey
In other words: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOO!
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Andy Cohen needs a cup of Big Blue if he's going to do this! He also needs to save the speeches for Malcolm X.
Although Cousin Rosie as Martha Dumptruck is brilliant MK!!!!!
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
She always said you couldn't accessorize for shit.
JD needs to find the boiler room of the Bravo offices and blow up a shit-ton of explosives.
Here go hell come Part II. No is right.
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“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” —Carl Sagan (RIP C.Hitchens, Winehouse, Houston, MCA, Dillon, Armstrong) *caprica six was/is here*
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CORNNUTS!!!!
How would Veronica Sawyer react to Andy Cohen...oh, I know: "GET A JOB!"
Let us not forget the OG Ashleys from Recess
This would fit on ABC Family better than bravo.
"If I have to hear another chorus of Cumbaya..."
Boycott this fuckery.
I'll only watch it if Veronica and her mini-me daughter get to raise hell at the network and force feed corn-nuts to the Real Housewives.
*sigh* Another show I'll never watch... ;)
Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
I ♡ Heathers
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by CeeCee on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 3:20pm.
They're still one generation of names behind. It wouldn't be the Ashleys it'd be the Emilys.
Or maybe the Madisons, each one with a different spelling of course.
Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.
This cannot be remade. This was my favorite movie back in the day. My favorite line was, 'I love my dead, gay son'.
Great pate guys, but, I gotta motor if I want to make that party tonight. Later...
Submitted by agirl on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 3:16pm.
Submitted by kate773 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 2:51pm.
The only way this works is if they make an actual movie (not a shitty tv series) about it, and all the original actresses come back. Since the lead Heather is dead (the one in the middle), I don't see that happening. Unless they make her die in the movie too.
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The head Heather died in the original movie.
(Drank drain cleaner in orange juice and fell through a coffee table.)
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Oh yeah, doy.
Wow...I just looked it up. That poor woman...Kim Walker. She played the HBIC - the head Heather. She had a brain tumor, and she died at age 32!
She seemed to be a really decent lady - many have commented on how truly nice she was. Here is a scene from her last movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLIb2McjRuk
What a waste - I liked her a great deal!
The lead Heather is dead? I had no idea...that SUCKS!
Where's your urge to purge?
This is plain wrong. I loved this flick as a kid. I am so sick and tired of Hollywood and their inane, slow-witted, and uncreative asses.
When I first moved to Los Angeles, one of the studio heads and Buena Vista agreed to meet with me. This was one of those informational interviews - just to get an idea of what working in the business of film was like.
I saw AT LEAST ten screenwriters sitting in the lobby just dying to speak to this studio head. It was like a movie...one was pacing back and forth reciting his script. Another screenwriter kept asking me if I was an exec at the studio. You could see the desperation.
If they could just get some original material, give ONE of these screenwriters a break, then maybe our classics will no longer be remade into total crapfests. We shall see.
Um...... NO.
Hope someone here also saw this and can help me:
A phone photo taken in Walmart / Target / somewhere like that
Shows the Bic Pens for her in the Feminine Products Aisle between "those" products.
Anyone know where I saw it?
If you want dry humor on the subject
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B004FTGJUW
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Sword fight in Veronica's mouth after school ! !
I'm so not there. That's ghey.
As the sage of Dlist once told me, "no crossin swords brotha."
OH HELL NO!!! I love this movie. Why can't they leave it alone already? Hollywood need to invest in some creative, talented writers if they are going to keep pulling this shit. That's why I love independent films, they are low budget but at least there is creativity.
Gross.
First they asked to be red, knowing that I am ALWAYS red!
Those stupid fucks.
Submitted by Migraine Sally on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 2:50pm.
Heather: You stupid fuck.
Veronica: You goddamn bitch.
Heather: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.
LOL! All these years I though it was, "I got PEED in puke"
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 2:58pm.
GG - the characters name was Peter. Not a major character.
Was that the editor of the school paper? I echo everybody else. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Blasphemous! Leave the classics alone!
"Answer him, dick."
"Dear Jesus, God in Heaven....why'd you have to kill such hot snatch?"
No, I don't fucking think so. Who's going to play JD, Zac Efron? I'm in a band called The Very because we love this movie. UGH.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Looks like the video to Addicted to Love!
They're still one generation of names behind. It wouldn't be the Ashleys it'd be the Emilys.
Of course, the real movie sequel to Heathers should be called 'What ever happened to Martha Dumptruck?' and should pick up with Martha Dunstock all these years later, right before the class of 1988's 25th High School Reunion. It would be fucking amazing. You'd have Veronica and Betty Finn back and all the others as well as an honor wall for the "fallen classmates". And Big Fun could play the Reunion.
It would be a better high school reunion movie than 'Romy and Michele's' and 'Grosse Pointe Blank' combined!
Submitted by kate773 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 2:51pm.
The only way this works is if they make an actual movie (not a shitty tv series) about it, and all the original actresses come back. Since the lead Heather is dead (the one in the middle), I don't see that happening. Unless they make her die in the movie too.
--------
The head Heather died in the original movie.
(Drank drain cleaner in orange juice and fell through a coffee table.)
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 3:05pm.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 2:54pm.
Loopy, why aren't you in my REAL life? :(
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lol GG load up Yoo-Hoo in your mp3 or ipod and play it, then slow-mo walk.
*puts on cheeta print platforms to slow walk at the market*
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 2:54pm.
Loopy, why aren't you in my REAL life? :(
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Christian Slater in this movie was the hotness, I'd have offered him my virginity on a silver platter.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Submitted by kate773 on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 3:03pm.
I feel the dialogue is very underrated.
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Indeed. Very > Fetch
"I'm gonna have to send my college application to San Quentin instead of Stamford..."
There were so many great lines in that movie. The dialogue is very underrated. It should be quoted way more often than it is.
Jawbreaker was just on tv last night.
"I killed Liz. I killed the teen dream. Deal with it."
GG - the characters name was Peter. Not a major character.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
MK if you are reading this.... bitch i know you slow-motion walked to "Yoo-hoo" before or thought about doing it.
Submitted by annobanano on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 2:54pm.
omg that makes 3!!! we can slow walk to that song now lol
Ok, reality check, Liz is in the trunk of this car.
And she is dead. That is a sad, fucked up thing, but you are going to walk into that school and strut your shit down the hallway like everything is peachy fucking keen.
OKAY?
(yes i know its from jawbreakers, but its my favourite line to use on bitches when they panic cuz of a pimple on her chin, and i gotta pass them a concealer stick)
@ richbitch & loopygorilla - HAHAHAHAHA! We are kindred spirits Loopy! I have 'yoo-hoo' on my ipod for all potential slo-mo walking occasions! :D
Me three - love that song!
MissJaneTexas, I dont remember that character.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
♪ Suiciiiiiiide, don't do it! ♪
Submitted by RichBitch on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 2:43pm
Yes and the kid in the movie who prayed never to commit suicide...went on to commit suicide in real life.
Creepy.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
The only way this works is if they make an actual movie (not a shitty tv series) about it, and all the original actresses come back. Since the lead Heather is dead (the one in the middle), I don't see that happening. Unless they make her die in the movie too.