Would You Hit It?

August 16, 2012 / Posted by:

No, this isn’t the old man from Up after Charlie Sheen-izing himself by getting a blood transfusion from tigers. This is Corey Feldman and his color-coordinated skanks looking like Charlie Sheen on a budget at will.i.am’s album release party in L.A. the other night. I like that Corey is still growing out that front rattail. If you’re ever in the presence of Corey and you get the faints from being that close to his chiffon-covered nipples, you can grab that rattail so you won’t fall backwards and break your head open. Corey is always thinking of you.

And no, I would not hit it today, tomorrow or today and tomorrow in my next life. How can I bump taints with a trick who wears one of Blanche Devereaux’s blouses and doesn’t have the style smarts to know that you should only wear it with a black lace camisole, sequined harem pants, gold gladiator sandals and a white leather clutch. And I bet his pits don’t even smell like Jean Naté. If you’re going to wear a horny old lady’s blouse at least have the decency to wear it all the way.

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