GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURL
I would mourn the loss of Marc Jacobs' personal style by covering my face with my abuelita's funeral veil, but this has put me off black lace for a while. This is the fancy ball version of the "prep school 4th grader at Liberace's Thanksgiving pageant" mess that Marc wore in March. The memory of the Niña, the Pinta and the Santa María don't deserve this. I can take the shoes since they look like they were worn by the first settlers of Plymouth Cock and I can almost take the dress since it shows off his nipples, but I will not and cannot take those Fruit of the Loom boxers. Marc thinks he's being different, but this isn't different. This exact outfit was worn by a man whose trick's husband came home while they were just about to do each other in her grandma's bedroom. Dude grabbed one of grandma's favorite funeral dresses (without the lining) and grabbed the shoes she wore when she was a chorus member in her senior center's production of a musical based on the life of the Quaker Oats guy. This is an outfit you wear when you have no other choice.
Marc could've saved this look if he wore a matching black lace thong instead of those Kmart special chonies. Oh, Marc, you are not Sharon Stone at the Oscars and those white boxers aren't a t-shirt from The Gap. How dreadful.
There are a million pictures from last night's Met Ball and I'm sure you've seen them all, but let's do it again anyway. Here's more than a few with my ten second thoughts (keep the GONG handy):
Elizabeth Banks - I love it when hos make a dress using only materials from wallpaper books at Home Depot.
January Jones - Are those alien eye tits or stoned bee in need of some VISINE tits?
Karolina Kurkova - This is the reason why gold sequins is on the endangered species list.
Lea Michele - Lea usually looks like a Romanian male gymnast in drag to me and she still looks like a Romanian male gymnast in drag here, but at least she's not making sexyface.
Sofia Vergara - Was that dress made with the wings from a Rite-Aid fairy princess costume? And is that one of the White House crashers behind her?
ScarJo - That dress says "worn a million times before" and that hair says "I no own no combs."
Kristen Stewart - That 80s hooker mess looked a lot better when it was worn by one of The Misfits.
Squinty Zellweger - If Squinty is sick of dating only gay guys, she should wear a dress with arrows pointing to her vagina instead of away from it.
Amber Heard - The color of that lipstick and the color of that dress can't be friends.
Amy Poehler - WHY, AMY, WHY?!!!! It's like Black Swan suffocating in a Hefty bag.
Ivanka Trump - Nope.
Melania & Donald Trump - Melania looks like she just made a fart and Donald looks like he's in the process of making one. Please tell me that sometime during the night, Donald leaned his head on Melania's shoulders and her ice pick shoulder pads cut the dog butt from his head.
Christina Ricci - Bitch look like a knit Kleenex cozy with silk tissue coming out of it.
Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough - Midget Ken and Beard Barbie!
Eva Mendes - Why do I suddenly want candy corn and black licorice?
Kiki Dunst - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's like a 1930s school marm who slaps kids with a ruler for sport.
Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz - Yes, Alicia's crotch looks like the back of a full diaper, but that's the least her problems.
Marion Cotillard - No shade.
Florence Welch - Bitch looks like a flamenco angel Christmas tree topper and I'm kind of into it.
Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake - Fix your hem, ho!
Carey Mulligan - I just want to put her on a Christmas tree branch right under Florence.
Paula Patton - No shade.
RiRi - RiRi felt uncomfortable and uneasy all night until she realized that it's because you can't see her nipples or the print of her coochie lips. Being so covered made RiRi feel so naked.
And finally....TOM BRADY'S HAIR:
Tom and Jizz need to stop trying to make him the David Beckham of American football. Dude does not have the face to be edgy. It looks like he gets his hair gel from a dick. It's very There's Something About Derpy.
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I found a Louis Vuitton Outlet webiste ,i am so shocked because they are offering a very very cheap louis vuitton products,so i bought something not long ago.I am a little dispongted when i receive them ,because they are copys of louis vuitton. However,i am very happy with the quality of the handbags,so i will buy more from Louis Vuitton Online Outlet website.
i appreciate that no shade was thrown at marion cottilard. she's fabu. but i honestly wasn't impressed by any of these outfits...yawn.
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Marc never listens to anything I tell him. I told him black boxers, but NOOOoooo!
ASSHOLES ON PARADE
Poor Marc gotta pull these stunts to be noticed, since nobody cares that he is riding on Harry Louis 9.5 inch dick and getting fisted.
Marc shouldn't wear those outfits, Especially WHITE shorts, seeing that he loves getting fisted. If somebody at the party cracked a joke and bitch laughed too hard, the brown stuff will start to leak out and people will know cuz he is wearing WHITE shorts.
Submitted by islandgirl on Tue, 05/08/2012 - 3:37pm.
Kirsten Dunst looks like a pissed off extra in the remake of 'Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS'.
hahahaha. I don't even get what this event is, but it gets sillier and sillier each year.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
So many badly dressed people at the Met Thingy - oh dear!
Indeed Marion Cotillard succeeded where Beyonce and Marc Jacob failed.
Reading is fundamental!! -Ru
Shit just got tyrannoserious - MK
"There's Something About Derpy" @MK, lmatfooo!! *half off the chair, westerly-laying to bed attempting to get thefk off here* Is Brady the fk for real??/?! ROTFlL that hair! And Mark. WTF. *crack ups!
etaa!: re "Scar Jo, that hair says "I no own no combs." DBL LMATFO, Mk!!!
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP MCA, "no sleep til Brooklyn") *caprica six was/is here*
Sofia Vergara is perfection!
Marc Jacobs irritates the shit out of me with his stupid attention whore way of dressing. We get it, you are so edgy and confident, you can wear anything! PLEASE!
And I am not fond of his clothing line either. Never understood why women slobber over this designer. He is just an asshole IMO.
Oh, and the Met Ball also irritates the fuck out of me. All these women trying to be the top dog, and most look like damn fools.
MK, this is why I visit your site. XOXOXO to you. I swear to God, Tom Brady is just goading other teams' defenses to pound the shit out of him, knowing they'll get penalized for doing it.
Fashion people occupy a world where no one has the balls to tell them they look ridiculous.
Werque!
: ) What a fantastic post! Looks like nearly everyone tried just too hard.
Christina Ricci's dress is lovely, but it sort of swallows her though.
I guess these outfits are supposed to be "edgy". Far from it!
(973) Jersey Strong
Is this MET thing similar to the Kentucky Derby in that let's see who can wear the most ridic hat vs. who can wear the ugliest outfit?
Tom Brady has a kewpie doll head...
What is the point? Let's see how serious one can look wearing a ridiculous outfit? One get-up was uglier than the next. And SJP should consider wearing a feedbag over her head to really take it home... As for Donatella Versace, there are no words for her level of foul.
Never mind tonight when i lay my head to rest my lips will be suckling on Tom’s crisp pompa-hawk. Hawt bixch!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/05/tom-brady-would-like-to-show-off...
Someone needs to tell Tom Brady that Gumby's hairstyle is so NOT the thing.
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"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
--"The Little Prince", Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Why wouldn't he wear black underwear, that'd make more sense, if that outfit made sense to begin with.
And that is like the third time I've seen him posing in those tired ass leprechaun shoes.
I absolutely despise the fashion world and the fact that women listen to what bitter old queens say is fashionable. FOH
oh how I long for old hollywood cause wtf with these looks.
I seriously think all the stylists are in cahoots with one another trying to see who can make their client walk out the door looking the most ridiculous. Then they sit back and laugh.
the fact that these bitches can't even take a stand and say "hey, don't you think I should at least comb my hair?" means they deserve looking like fools.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
@Twat, @JTROS and @Foxxy Brown
Thank you so much for responding, I really appreciate it! Sadly its a small firm so my boss is the HBIC here. I'm going to have to talk to him and tell him that I can't do the paperwork since I could have issues with the character fitness applications in the future like JTROS indicated.
My boss is a nice guy just that it seems like hes getting caught up with living the life(Big house, fancy car, ect.) I just don't think it's fair for our clients who paid to get a decent service. I'm going to look up certified paralegals that can assist him.
I really appreciate your input just that I've never had any types of issues with my boss and didn't know if I was in the wrong and I wasn't sure how to address this with him since he doesn't seem to get that I don't know what to do.
Thank you!
There's a lot of tragedy taking place here. Marc Jacobs should slit his wrists for showing up at that event in that kind of outfit...wearing "Pilgrim shoes" he's already been seen attempting to scandalize in. Jessica Biel's face is a disaster and those bangs are not throwing enough shade to hide the damage.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
Wow this event is a parade of ugly dresses. Jessica Biel, you are a pretty girl. Why do you dress so horribly? And why do you date that tool?
Elizabeth Banks... oh my.
And what is with all these fugly bangs? So few women look good with them IMO.
Marion Cotillard... you are gorgeous but that hair? And I'm sorry that dress is fug and reminds me of Bitch-please-yonce's.
I just looked at every picture and you know things are bad when RiRi looks the best of them all. :(
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Submitted by lora on Tue, 05/08/2012 - 3:19pm.
Lora, i'm an atty and do Ch 7 and 13 bankruptcies among other things. i agree with the others who say you are being improperly (and unethically) asked to practice law. take it to the firm management, and good luck
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
George Washington meets Peenochio.
HIS SHOES. LMAO
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Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.
lora -- I totally agree with JTROS. It is totally unauthorized practice of law. Your boss is a lazy fuck for not doing the work himself. He's billing for attorney work yet an attorney is not doing the work. I know the economy is difficult, but if I were you, I'd seriously start looking at other law firms. At this point, you have a good 6 years of experience and I'm sure another firm would be lucky & happy to have you. You sound very conscientious. Good luck.
I don't care what you bitches say, Florence Welch and Sofia Vergara can do no wrong.
Tom Brady, on the other hand....
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"There'll be war and there'll be peace
Everything one day will cease.
All the iron turns to rust
All the Cloud Men turn to dust."
- Pink Floyd "Childhood's End"
It always amazed me that these people, who have so much money and stylists, cannot dress well...most of these are fug. ScarJo looks terrible, so does Kristen S...not too many that rocked the look at this event.
I love Milla so much I didn't even notice Marc Jacobs! LOL
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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@ lora
You have every reason to feel uncomfortable. In most states, what your boss is asking you to do could be (arguably) the Unauthorized Practice of Law (UPL). He can get disbarred for that and you, if you ever decide to go to law school and take a Bar exam, may run into issues because a lot of character & fitness applications ask you to attest to the fact that you have never done UPL.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that BS situation, it's a tough place to be in.
No Cameron Diaz?
I had no idea she had a boob job until just now when I saw pics of her from the MET ball.
WHY, oh why would anyone get huge, lopsided ugly porno boobs at the age of 40? She always seemed to be okay with her itty bitties and rocked them throughout her whole career. Why now, UGH.
edit: Oh, and apparently she had it back in December or January? Where have I been?
Why does MJ have to fight the hot with an iron fist? why?
Most of these hos look like they've been starving for weeks. I do like Sofia's dress though. Paula too.
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Damn! Nice hooker shoes, baby. Can you dance in those things?
Daddy Spears
love Mila
Marc Jacobs must have gotten a deal on those shoes. This is about the 6th event he's worn them to and it's tired. Remember the '80's when he was still cute?
lora -- I hate to say it, hon, but does your boss realize he's being a stupid ass? If he fucks up that client's case he could end up being sued for malpractice. You are not an attorney and he's asking you to do attorney. I can't tell you how wrong he is asking you to do that work. I used to work for one of the top litigation firms in Chicago that also did bankruptcy work. There's no way shit like that would have gone down.
Goodness gracious.
Melania Trump has a serious case of the squints. Perhaps she fell on her dress before she put it on?
Tom Brady - like david beckham - has 'tinymeat-face'
Florence Welch is 25? yeesh, she is aging horribly. She looks close to 40.
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Bad (ba-a-ad) blood (blo-o-od)
The bitch is in her smile
The lie is on her lips
Such an evil child
Submitted by Twat Muffin: "...I cannot believe Florence Welch is 25; that woman looks at least 40 or more!"
SHE'S 25?!?!?!?!!
Oh hell no. I thought she was MY age (I'm 41). Granted, I've only seen her a few times briefly, but... Wow, she has one of those faces.
Carey Mulligan has that thing with her face that reminds me of the girl who played Audrey in "National Lampoon's European Vacation". I know she's supposed to be beautiful and the Gucci girl or something, but that's all I see when I look at her.
ETA: She gets points for having her own look, though. I never get her confused with other actresses.
@ Hekki
I was just gonna comment on his pilgrim shoes. He just can't quit them!
LOL
Wow, what a collection of fug!
MK is GOD. This post is just fucking brilliant!!
And Marc Jacobs looks good IMO. Dude clearly has lost it and I'm enjoying every single one of his attention whore antics.
No comment on stupid Milla Jovovic though.
The only dress I liked was Goopy's and Marion's. But dear God, is Eva Mendes absolutely busted in face or not?!
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Trailer Trash.
Is that Gizz' weak interpretation of THE LEG!? (Other way Gizz) And was Tom going for the ALFALFA?
Agree that Amber is in a league of her own but MK is right, the shades do clash! Minor compared to the rest of this mess! haha
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♫"Now if you're sad and you're feeling blue
Go out and buy a brand new pair of shoes"♫ - Maggie M'Gill
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Marc Jacobs has been trying to make those pilgrim shoes happen for a looooong time. Quit it, honey.