J.G. Hooker Reporting For Duty
If I told you last week that pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal looking like a giant cut peen in a police uniform were in your near future, you might have Saran wrapped your chair and called into your job's voicemail at 6am to tell them you're taking a personal fapping day. (Yes, I know you call in at 6am when nobody's there so you don't have to speak to a live person. You aren't fooling anybody.) But now there are pictures of Jakey looking like a giant cut peen in a police uniform on the L.A. set of the movie End of Watch and I've got nothing.
Jake has never really been my cup of sweet tea, but a dude in uniform is a dude in uniform. However, if I got pulled over and Jake sashayed up with his weapon out, I'd have to stop myself from making "Is that a gun in your hand or are you just..." jokes and then I'd tell him, "Girl, stop playing. Put down that water gun and let's go and get lavender and mint oil head massages." Even Stick-Up Kitten would be like, "Really now?"
But I see what Jake is really doing here. Jake has played a cowboy, a solider and now he's playing a police officer. When I open up The Hollywood Reporter tomorrow morning (you know, because I open up The Hollywood Reporter every morning), I expect to read the headline: "Jake Gyllenhaal To Star In A Remake Of Squanto." If you can't join the Village People, you might as well play every single one of them in a different movie. Fill up your Village People costume closet, Jake. Fill it!
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I would, oh yes I would.
He can put his Glock in my holster anytime.
Dayummmm. Now if he'd just play a hockey player, I could go to sleep and never wake up and be perfectly happy with my life. LOL
Boston Bruins-- Stanley Cup Champs 2011
Why do all cops these days look like skinheads? Is it against code to have hair? I miss the cops of days past when they had hair. The shaved head look is more intimidating and it's also a lot more douchy.
Submitted by Lemonene on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 3:21am.
Oh Becky you just have to remember thar RDJ can do no wrong.
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Such wise words, Lemonene; and oh so true!!
(Yummy pic link, too!) :)
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 5:26pm.
I'm quietly alarmed by this shaven head trend.
Matt Damon yesterday, Jakey today. While I don't find either of them attractive, there's the risk the trend could take hold and seduce someone genuinely lust-worthy, like RDJ.
Not happy. :(
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Oh Becky you just have to remember thar RDJ can do no wrong.
http://sunnyside.mx/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Robert-Downey-Jr.jpg
"Cuff me, Officer. I've been a bad, bad, bad girl."
There's something about a man in uniform...any uniform.
*imagines Jake in a nurse's uniform*
Okay, scratch that, not any uniform.
He is lookin' extra buff and macho and not too awful with the pig-shave.
Fugly, I can already picture him at 40 or 50. Not aging well. No lips either.
I would, oh yes I would. Repeatedly.
I don't care of he is bald, temporarily or permanently. 'S'all good!
Is he really ghey? For real?
Officer, frisk me!
BTW - the shaved head trend on guys with full heads of hair has really got to STOP.
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Shiitake happens...
I'm quietly alarmed by this shaven head trend.
Matt Damon yesterday, Jakey today. While I don't find either of them attractive, there's the risk the trend could take hold and seduce someone genuinely lust-worthy, like RDJ.
Not happy. :(
Oh, good Lord, Jake in a cop uniform...
*faps uncontrollably*
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"It's all fun and farts until somebody gets punched." -MK
MK, you are on a roll today!
I agree that the bald head does nothing for Jake. Normally he gives me the tingles, but not like this.
I'm definitely getting an Ed Gein vibe from him!
His handling of that gun looks about like Nathan Lane in The Bird Cage.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 8:21am.
HE IS NOT GAY, HE OWNS A GERMAN SHEPHERD, THEREFOR HE IS STRAIGHT.
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*wipes tears* ahahahahahaahhaahaha TRUE FACTS RIGHT HERE!!!!
*sits besides c.hoff*
Coma Caca!
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This movie sounds like a remake of "Colors": same cop buddies, same run-ins with the local po folks in East L.A., same Latina love interest...
Don't Believe a Word
Mmmmm I WOULD!!!!
Coma Caca!
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Do. Not. Want.
But he does seem like a lovely person and I'm sure if I was actually presented with it I would hit it long and hard.
http://mycashdragon.com/?id=1230
I know all the reasons I shouldn't...but I find him sexy...even sexier now that he has a shaved head (my weakness in men!).
I just want to climb him like a tree. Real talk.
-"Well, should we get more coffee or get two guns and shoot ourselves?"
Dayum, with an emphasis on yum!
MK you forgot he played some arabian prince in prince of persia.
Jakey poo certainly likes to dress up.
Oh --- and the fifth one down also.
GUILTY!!!
Click on the 7th thumbnail down(001.jpg.)
I rest my case.
That is the gayest police officer I've ever seen!
the shaved head is not the look for jakey..he looks like he should be starring in "the planet of the apes" as lead ape...
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Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
I think he's hot.
Help me, Officer!!
*falls down in a dramatic way*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 8:27am.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 8:21am.
Lmao!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
he is not as fug as his sister but fug nevertheless when you really look at his features...and he can't pull off the shaved head look.
I think Matt Damon is doing it better and shorty Matt is not even my cup of tea either.
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated" - Father Andrés
Ah, I like old Jakey. I think he is a good actor. He's handsome but I don't find him attractive. I need more than starring in Brokeback Mountain to believe he's gay.
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It's not that serious.
CokeyBloke ha ha me too *smokes 5 Camel unfiltered and a Marlbo Red and calls HR's VM at 6 am*
actually, now a days I just email it in, soooo much easier and less dramatic
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 8:21am.
HE IS NOT GAY, HE OWNS A GERMAN SHEPHERD, THEREFOR HE IS STRAIGHT.
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LOL!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 8:25am.
I feel that about Ryan Reynolds, too! Idk, I'm not really into the mainstream "hotties". I like guys with something a little more unique or exotic about them.
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Douchechill!
Submitted by christine the hoff on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 8:21am.
HE IS NOT GAY, HE OWNS A GERMAN SHEPHERD, THEREFORE HE IS STRAIGHT.
hahaha. Siegfried and Roy own tigers.
Don't Believe a Word
He looks good, but i like him better with hair. And he needs to get rid of the sunglasses. His eyes are one of things he s got going for him.
I want to believe he is straight, but i have serious doubts...
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
When calling in sick, set alarm ugly-early, bend over so head hangs between knees, cough hard for a few minutes until throat is rough (unless it already is from whiskey and cigs) and call boss's VM immediately w/ stupid "too sick to come in and must get back to bed before I faint" excuse."
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Wed, 08/03/2011 - 8:15am.
ITA. I feel the same way about Ryan Reynolds.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
*pats hoffer on the head*
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If you’ve got issues, psychological issues, if you’re on any kind of medication for anxiety or depression, I’m not interested. ~ Dimitri the Lover
HE IS NOT GAY, HE OWNS A GERMAN SHEPHERD, THEREFOR HE IS STRAIGHT.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Homeghey, please.
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If you’ve got issues, psychological issues, if you’re on any kind of medication for anxiety or depression, I’m not interested. ~ Dimitri the Lover
Does he get shot in ass with a Love Gun in this one too?
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 12:16pm.
suckandfuck and raul are like the goofus and gallant of sick humor.
the best.
┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
JG is so repugnant to me, my breakfast is threatening to make a return appearance.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Meh on Jakey.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Fuck the police.
I guess, in this case, literally.
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"Somebody needs to glamour A CLUE into that trick." - Sociologist Michael K
He has all the ingredients to be hot, yet doesn't do it for me. *shrugs*
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Douchechill!
He looks hot as fuck, but then again, he's handsome with/without hair.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
oh whatever MK, I text someone, what am I he-man? I don't have time to use my god damn voice to call out
and lol at "Girl, stop playing. Put down that water gun and let's go and get lavender and mint oil head massages."
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.