And Several Mid-To-Late 30-Something Women Just Creamed Their Hanes Her Ways

I don’t know about you, but if I was a junior high school girl circa 1987, I would be experiencing my first downtown moistening after seeing these pics of New Jersey’s finest – Jon Bon Jovi – showing off the bod. Can you tell I’ve had an entire bottle of champagne, two White Russians, and three shots of Bailey’s in CHOCOLATE CUPS YOU CAN EAT? It’s like a fat drunk’s greatest fantasy – a shot of booze YOU JUST STUFF IN YOUR MAW. And to the commentator who snarked that Boston can’t be a drinking city because we don’t have a legal happy hour – think again, chief. We work around that shit.

Jon is shooting us down in a blaze of glory by showing off his middle-aged millionaire bod on the beach at St. Bart’s. Rich people have a lot of time on their hands. So much time that photographing kelp is a cherished pastime. Seriously, all Jon Bon has to do is tour every five years and shit out an album with a passable adult contemporary single and money falls on his face. That’s a hot job.