You Can Take The Hillbilly Chipmunk Out Of The Country….

Even though Miley Cyrus is a former A-list Disney child star turned current world-touring drug-gobbling coochie-poppin millionaire, and the daughter of a cultural icon (I’m of course referring to horse-faced hyacinth blossom Tish Cyrus), she’s always more than happy to remind us that she’s just a G-droppin’ banjo-pickin’ chicken-fried Mountain Dew-dipped down-home hillbilly river rat at heart. This weekend, Miley attended a hillbilly hootenanny in the woods with her ol’ pal (literally, too old to be hanging out with her ass) Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips where they dressed up like meth-smoking hicks and got drunk on moonshine. And of course, Miley made sure to Instagram all of it, including a picture of her pissing on a tree. Thank god! I’ve always been curious about what the glue-huffing dirtbag teenage son of the Blair Witch looked like.

But Miley’s “Ah is so cuntry, y’all!” act didn’t end with marking her territory against an oak tree in a pair of cut-offs. No, Miley managed to one-up her own faux-hillbilly self by adopting a pet pig that she named Bubba Sue. Continue reading

For Those Who Want To Learn About Chipmunk Mating Rituals, Miley’s Bangerz Tour Is Finally Here

I know I pooh-poohed Miley Cyrus when she claimed that her Bangerz Tour was going to be a high-art educational experience, but I’ll say it: I was wrong. These pictures from the first stop on her tour prove that it’s clearly the kind of thing that will draw great minds like Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson. Honestly, this should be enough to convince any number of Ivy League Universities to grant Miley an honorary PhD for her work on this tour, but if they need something in writing, she could easily provide them with dissertations on the following:

Contemporary Amateur Hillbilly Stripping

Understanding Severe Histrionic Personality Disorder

Lack of Awareness, Accountability in a Post-Feminist Age

Fucking on a Hot Dog

Sorry, did I say Bill Nye and NDT? I meant to say Micaela Schäfer and the dirty g-strings from Courtney Stodden’s laundry hamper. I hope the Bangerz tour is sponsored by Lysol, because it looks FILTHY. And not filthy like “Damn girl, you a filthy ho!” but filthy like “Damn girl, you should have a three-way with soap and water”. Immediately after I looked at these pictures, my eyes crusted over with pink eye and my vagina sent me a text that said “Not sure what just happened, but I’ve developed this weird rash and it burns when we pee” followed by a bunch of worried-looking emojis.

Here’s more of Miley being Miley in Vancouver by popping her puss on whatever’s available, presenting her b-hole like a barn cat in heat, pretending to give Bill Clinton a blow job (how current; did she follow it up with a Who Shot Mr. Burns reference?) and ripping off Dirrty-era Xtina (HOW DARE YOU). None of the pics are NSFW, but they are NSFTWATRR (Not Safe For Those With An Allergy To Raunchy Rodents) so viewer discretion is advised.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to call Detectives Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler to report the neglect and abuse of two very special victims: Miley’s poor pussy lips.

(Pics: Splash)