Linda Evangelista Has Settled Her $50 Million Lawsuit With CoolSculpting

To quote a little gay me after seeing Linda Evangelista in George Michael’s Freedom! 90 video, “We’re living in the era of Linda Evangelista!” Because Linda is back and the Evangelistaissance is upon us. A couple of days ago, Linda made the emotion-less faces of Kendull Jenner and Bella Hadid actually come to life with immense fear over their modeling futures after Linda shared her new Fendi ad, which is her first modeling gig in a bit. And that’s because Linda, seen above in 2009, says that getting CoolSculpting fucked with her body and spirit and turned her into a recluse. Linda sued CoolSculpting’s parent company for $50 million for lost wages and emotional damage. Well, that lawsuit has been settled and now that it’s behind her, one of the greatest models to ever do it is back to show these bland tricks how it’s really is done.

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Linda Evangelista Makes Her Return To Modeling In A Fendi Ad

Last fall, Linda Evangelista opened up about the reason she’s been so reclusive the last several years; the 57-year-old supermodel (pictured above in 2013) claimed she’d been “brutally disfigured” by a CoolSculpting treatment gone wrong. The non-surgical procedure is supposed to shrink fat cells with freezing temperatures, but Linda’s cells got bigger, leaving her with hardened, fatty bulges in her chin, thighs, and bra area. It’s a rare side effect called paradoxical adipose hyperplasia (PAH). Linda filed a $50 million lawsuit against Zeltiq, the company that marks the procedure, for failing to warn her about the risk of PAH.

In February, Linda did an interview with People, and showed off her new body in a photoshoot. The pictures presented a very serious, glum-looking version of Linda. Which is a bummer, because, she’s Linda Evangelista, the Supermodel’s Supermodel! The Chameleon! The badass who doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day! Thankfully, as HuffPo points out, Linda rectified this situation by making her official return to modeling in a new ad for Fendi. Phew, order in the universe has been restored. Continue reading

Linda Evangelista Revealed Her CoolSculpting Nightmare Which Left Her “Brutally Disfigured” And A “Recluse”

Linda Evangelista will forever be one of the greatest supermodels in the game and should be booking shows and shoots left and right. Like, booking agents should regularly be saying, “Oh, Linda’s not available. Get one of those Hadids then, I guess.” But Linda has been pretty MIA the last several years. Last night, Linda revealed that while a lot of her 90s supermodel peers are back in the spotlight and thriving, she has been hiding away from the public on purpose calling herself a “recluse” after a CoolSculpting treatment left her “brutally disfigured.” It seems that the procedure can backfire and trigger something where instead of fat cells shrinking, they grow. I know what you’re thinking: the Kardashian Koven should be on high alert!

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The Future President Of The United States And The Future First Lady At The Correspondents Dinner

The White House Corespondents Dinner (aka the event that Sarah Palin rage watches on TV every year like a lonely 11th grader sitting all alone in her car parked in the lot of the prom she wasn’t invited to)  happened in DC last night and it’s usually a real trash heap of an event filled with gutter skanks like Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan and Spencer Pratt. But they decided to switch things up this year and bring in some real stars and beauty! Sure, there were still some hos there whose one brain cell would spit out an error 405  if you asked them to spell “correspondents” (see: Jessica Simpson), but the presence of ROJO CALIENTE made up for that!

Rojo Caliente blessed the WHCD with her glorious gingerness last night, because she’s in politics now and it’s only a matter of time before she’s voted in as President and moves into the White House (sorry, Hillary). Our future First Lady Cynthia Nixon was Rojo’s date and judging by that dress, we know her focus will be recycling when she moves into the White House. Because you know that ratty couch from the 60s your hoarding memaw just couldn’t let go of and put on the back porch where it became a bed to the raccoons who troll around her yard? Well, Cynthia Nixon ripped the fabric off of that back porch couch and used it to make the dress she wore last night.

Believe it or not, last night’s events weren’t canceled so that everyone could watch Rojo eat and slowly sip champagne. The events and jokes went on. Obama told jokes between two ferns!

And the poster child for good plugs Joel McHale told jokes too!

But the real entertainment came from watching the beige polyester panties of all the old people bunch up into their ass cheeks as they got highly offended by Joel’s jokes.

And here’s a few pictures from last night’s nerd prom including my best dressed of the night Rose McGowan who delivered some boudoir chic by wrapping a black silk sheet around a teddy.

Pics: Getty, Splash

Elizabeth Olsen Replaces Ashley As Mary-Kate’s Date, Looks Thrilled While Doing So

Whenever I see pictures from ~fashun~ events, a cold sense of fear covers my body and a creepier, a cappella version of the Troll Song crawls into my ears, because Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are usually there together looking like two giddy, little evil bridge urchins who are about to ask you to solve an unsolvable riddle. But a strange thing happened at the CFDA Fashion Awards in NYC last night. Ashley Olsen was not there!

Did an enchanted forest giant accidentally stomp on Ashley while she was collecting mushrooms to make a potion with? Was she a guest at that red wedding shit? Did Gandalf get her when she was trying to snatch Bilbo Baggins with her fellow goblins? Did her housekeeper once again mistake her for a greasy hairball that fell out of a cat’s mouth and vacuum her up? Whatever the case may be, Ashley Olsen was not there last night. Ashley and MK’s younger sister Elizabeth Olsen showed up in her place and made the face anybody would make if they had to pose next to a Trollsen while dressed like a warlock priest.

Elizabeth Olsen tried, but she just can’t prune as good as her sisters can. What’s really disturbing is that Mary-Kate can prune even when Ashley isn’t next to her. I thought their prune powers were only activated when they were standing next each other? I guess not. We should all be scared by this.

Here’s a few pictures from last night’s CFDA Fashion Awards, which are like the Golden Globes to the Met Gala’s Oscars. In order after the Olsens: Miranda Kerr, Zang Toi (wearing Kanye West’s next stage outfit), Betsey Johnson, Sofia Vergara, Nicole Richie, Ethan Hawke, Michelle Harper (thank the lord a Kardashian wasn’t there or they would’ve fucked that black rod on Michelle’s head), Zachary Quinto, Jessica Chastain, Linda Evangelista, Ireland Baldwin, Karolina Kurkova, Adriana Lima, Juliette Lewis, Jess from Girls (bitch, you ain’t Martha Graham), Rooney Mara and Kerry Washington.

Linda Evangelista Isn’t Getting $46,000 A Month In Child Support

Because of the Met Ball avalanche that hit me yesterday (I’m still plucking Beyonce’s feathers out of my mouth and putting ice over my eyeball from getting poked by Anja Rubik’s hip shank), I didn’t have time to get to the Linda Evangelista child support case. But to quote Francois-Henri Pinault every time one of his girlfriends tells him that she’s gotten her period after a pregnancy scare: better late than never, bitch!

For days, Linda and fashion mogul Franny were fighting it out over the $46,000 she wanted a month to take care of her 5-year-old son Augie. Even though the custom-made panda fur toilet paper Franny wipes his ass with costs more than $46,000 a roll, he didn’t want to pay that and told the court that Linda was going to use most of the money on herself.

Finally, after spending the weekend fighting it out, Linda and Franny came to an agreement on Monday. Linda, who gave us serious businesswoman with MONAY glamour, sashayed into a Manhattan court yesterday to sign the agreement after the judge approved it. The agreement has been stuffed into a condom and sealed forever, so the details aren’t known. But a source tells the NYDN that the settlement is “nowhere near $46,000 a month.”

But is it over the $19,000 a month (the current New York State record) Diddy pays, because us appreciators of gold diggers need to know whether or not we should raise our shovels in victory? Franny is a dead-hearted piece of trash if he’s giving Linda less than $19,000 a month in child support. How is she going to live on pennies?! I guess we’ll know if we see Augie shuffling around the street and instead of an armed bodyguard at his side, he’s got a whistle around his neck and some pepper spray in his hand. And instead of a 24-hour nanny holding his hand, he’s holding a walkie talkie his mom gave him. That better not happen, because just like Joan Collins, it’s not right for Linda Evangelista to play poor in real life, fake life or ANY life.