Category: It’s Not Easy Being A Cunt
Clint Eastwood Wants All You Pussies To Get Over The Racist Stuff That Trump Has Spewed!
Seen above looking like he’s posing for the mug shot that was taken after he shot at a bunch of kids who really, really wouldn’t get off his lawn, Clint Eastwood did a joint interview with his hot piece son Scott Eastwood for Esquire and he said a bunch of Clint Eastwood type shit.
So, It Looks Like Keira Knightley And The Director Of “Begin Again” Are Never Going To Work Together Again
John Carney, the director of Once, is out there pushing his new movie Sing Street and while he’s got our attention, he’d like to tell us how he pretty much hated working with Keira Knightley and that he learned he’ll never cast a “supermodel” like her again.
Begin Again starred Keira Knightley as a singer-songwriter type who gets discovered by a once-successful record executive played by Mark Ruffalo. Adam Levine is also in it and he basically plays Adam Levine. I watched Begin Again a couple of years ago after it came out on HBO or Starz or whatever, and I didn’t think it was the worse thing and I definitely didn’t call up my cable company and say, “You better give me a partial refund, because I just struggled through a shit show of a movie that killed pieces of my soul and it’s all Keira Knightley’s fault!” (However, I may have done that after watching A Dangerous Method.)
But John Carney, who directed Begin Again, thinks that main problem with that movie was KK. John started off his interview with The Independent by shitting on Keira right out the gate.
Morrissey’s Prince Tribute Is So Morrissey
Morrissey posted a written tribute to Prince on his fan site True-To-You, and being the cat lover he is, you’d think that he’d slap at Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness for tearin’ up so many pussies. But Morrissey applauded Prince for not eating animal stuff. Morrissey was also mad that in England, Prince’s death was overshadowed by THE QUEEN’s 90th birthday extravaganza. Morrissey’s Prince tribute isn’t so much a Prince tribute as it is slap down against the British royals. It’s as if Morrissey got on the stage and said, “I am here to pay tribute to the beloved Prince,” before pulling out a replica of THE QUEEN’s crown and then shitting on it. It’s 100% Morrissey, it’s 100% messy and I love it. You really can’t spell Morrissey without M-E-S-S-Y. It’s after the cut.
To The Shock Of Us All, A Noted Shit Head Did Something Shitty
In case you haven’t heard about the sad and messy tale of the R &B singer Kehlani’s suicide attempt, it all started when her ex-boyfriend, rapper/singer PartyNextDoor (born name: Jahron Anthony Brathwaite), recently posted an Instagram picture of his hand holding her hand while in bed together. Many thought that Kehlani was still with Cleveland Cavaliers player Kyrie Irving, so social media went in on her and labeled her a cheating harlot slut whore tramp trollop hussy with a wandering poon. The hate that social media threw at Kehlani got to her so much that she tried to kill herself. On Monday, Kehlani posted a picture on Instagram of her lying in a hospital bed with an IV in her arm, and she added this caption:
“today I wanted to leave this earth. Being completely selfish for once. Never thought I’d get to such a low point. But… Don’t believe the blogs you read… No one was cheated on and I’m not a bad person… Everyone is hurt and everyone is in a place of misunderstanding… But as of today, I had no single wish to see tomorrow… But God saved me for a reason, and for that… I must be grateful… Cuz I’m not in heaven right now for a reason… On that note.. Bye Instagram”
Before Kehlani hit the delete button on her Instagram and Twitter accounts, she said that she never cheated on Kyrie Irving. She was already broken up with him when she got back together with PartyNextDoor (not to be confused with my rapper name PartyInTheBackdoor). Kehlani thanked PND for saving her life. And that brings us to the piping hot wet turd that appeared in Chris Brown’s thought bubble when he said something about this on Twitter.
The Time Madonna Made Rita Ora Kneel Before Her
Seen above looking like her makeup was done by an airbrush t-shirt artist at the mall, Rita Ora told The Mirror a story that made my head spit up more question marks than yours does whenever you see the name Rita Ora.
Rita says that at the Chime For Change charity event in London in 2013, she met her royal madgesty and the first thing Madge did was tell her to bow down, bitch. Madge apparently travels with her own lighting and didn’t want Rita to block it, so she asked a trick to kneel on the floor. Now, my life rule is that the only time it’s okay to kneel for someone is if that someone has a hard dick and is waving it in front of you, but Rita got on her knees anyway, because a thing called dignity doesn’t run through her veins.
“I was once doing a charity event and I met my idol Madonna. I was waiting for her and I was shivering. And my sister said to me, ‘Are you OK? You look really crazy’. And I was like, ‘I think I am going to be sick’. And Madonna walks in with lighting all around her.
I said, ‘Hi, it is so nice to meet you’ and she was like, ‘This is the lighting here. Can you just kneel down here on the floor?’ I was like OK. So I kneeled down on the floor and we had this conversation where I was on the floor. Can you believe that? But that is Madonna and she can do whatever she wants. That was major. Everything is a learning curve.”
Rita, who was the face of Madge’s clothing line for Macy’s and did a cameo in the Bitch I’m Madonna video, says that they’re totally friends now. To which Madge said, “Who?”
What’s weird about this story is that Madge didn’t do what she normally does when she meets a pop trick: suck that life force out of that youngin’. I’m guessing that Madge knew that she wouldn’t be able to handle all of the star power and talent that Rita possesses. I’m also guessing that Madge told that trick to get on the floor, because she knew that if they stood next to each other, she would become a dehydrated piece of chopped liver next to the charismatic goddess that is Rita Ora!
Pic: Wenn.com
Salman Rushdie Called Padma Lakshmi “A Bad Investment” And Other Bits From Her New Memoir
The pinnacle of memoirs and memoir writing, Katie Price, has a new esteemed colleague in the world of celebrity biographies. Let’s give a warm welcome to Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi. That’s right! Give her a hand! Padma, please tell us about you, your life and the days of it. The New York Daily News got their hands on a copy of Padma’s forthcoming autobiography, Love, Loss and What We Ate.
The bulk of what’s been released has to do with Padma’s messy relationship with author and Taken villain-looking person, Salman Rushdie. She and Salman met in 1999 at a party when she was 28 and he was 51. He was also married at the time. Despite that, he wanted her body bad and chased after her. They eventually went out and she says they ended up sans ropas that first night. Of it, she writes, “At 3am, I woke with a start. I’m naked in a married man’s bed.” I can’t read that without going directly to the part in cinematic masterpiece, Obsessed, where Beyonce shouts “Naked?! In your bed?!”