Sorry fellas, you missed your chance. Wendy Williams is taken! Page Six reports that Wendy recently posted a picture of her latest gentleman friend on Instagram, and while we don’t know many details about her mystery man, he’s been described as “a middle-aged white man wearing a gray T-shirt.” Wendy’s coy caption for the photo, which reads “My son’s 21st birthday party on the yacht in #Miami was everything he wanted! Even my boyfriend,” leaves much to the imagination. Like, did she pass out while typing or what?
Even though Nicolas Cage is currently working on two different projects (his turn as Tiger King Joe Exotic for an 8-part miniseries and his is turn as Nicolas Cage in the movie The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent) he’s bored enough in quarantine that he’s considering teaching his pet crow, which eats Sheba Perfect Portions cat food, to say “cock” instead of calling him an asshole every time he walk in the door. At least that’s what he told his friend Marilyn Manson in a recent interview for Interview magazine. In fact, Nic and Marilyn spent a good portion of their interview talking about cocks (Marilyn compared his to a mummified hand Nic once owned, which tracks) but they managed to keep them in their pants long enough to talk about a the time Nicolas won $20,000 at roulette and gave it all away to a Bahamian orphanage. Which also tracks.
I’m not sure which planet, in which galaxy, dictates Nicolas Cage’s circadian rhythm, but he’s recently come out of dormancy, cycled into an active phase and was spotted roaming a New Orleans cemetery. Nic, having molted his previous leather skin, visited his own tomb in St. Louis 1 cemetery wearing shiny new leather skin. And he’s taken a new mate. According to People, Nic stopped by to commune with his eventual final resting place on Fat Tuesday wearing matching leather outfits with a new “mystery woman.” Coincidentally (?!?!), next month marks the 1 year anniversary of Nicolas Cage’s 4-day marriage to Erika Koike.
Denizens at the Ecuadorian embassy in London are probably planning a celebratory luncheon today, and for once, won’t have to worry about the leftovers disappearing. Any leftover cake can safely go into the office fridge because the world’s most notorious lunch thief, Julian Assange, was evicted today, kicking and screaming as he was arrested by British authorities. And his good friend Pamela Anderson is mad. Big mad.