Category: Food Fuckery
Open Post: Hosted By Gym Bros Eating Dog Food For Protein
Going to the gym is hard. You gotta find the right place that meets your needs, find the right time to go, figure out the right workout routine, and eat the right foods to support your healthy lifestyle. The rewards, like a better quality of life, are pretty cool, but sometimes waking up at 6 am to go to a spin class where an impossibly fit lady with a serial killer smile shouts at you to go faster makes you second guess if it’s all worth it. That is if you’re normal. Other people like to make their fitness life as harrowing as possible. Take, for instance, “fitness influencers” who decided that because of the high levels of protein in it, dog food would be a good option for gym gains. It’s like the Tide Pod thing but instead of Zoomers, it’s gym bros.
Open Post: Hosted By AMC Selling Their Popcorn In Walmart Now
With the movie theaters going the way of the great American mall (look at what you hath wrought, Netflix!), the big theater chains have to keep up with the changes. Some companies are brokering deals with streaming services to showcase films temporarily in theaters before quickly moving to TV screens. Other chains are thinking bigger and choosing to bring the concession stand directly to your kitchen table. Introducing: AMC popcorn! Only at Walmart! Yes, you can buy that overpriced $11 small popcorn and crunch it loudly in the comfort of your own couch!
Open Post: Hosted By The Woman Who Crashed Her SUV Into A Popeyes After Her Order Was Missing The Biscuits
When it comes to food orders, I’m pretty forgiving. If a waiter lightly screws up my order, I just smile and pick out the pickles. For someone like me, waiting an extra 15 minutes for a marginally better sandwich is not worth waiting for. However, not everyone is built like me. Especially Belinda Miller, a Georgia woman who mowed down the local Popeye’s restaurant after the server didn’t give her her goddamn hot and flaky biscuits!
Open Post: Hosted By Ashton Kutcher Admitting That He Puts Orange Juice In His Coffee
From the man that brought us “I only wash my pits and crotch after the gym” and “I poop with the door open” comes a new deranged take! As part of the press tour for his rom-less com Your Place or Mine, Ashton Kutcher appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show to tell us that instead of milk or flavored creamer, he likes pouring orange juice into his coffee in the morning. Note to Ashton, telling the audience about your nauseating consumption habits is NOT how the sexy lead of a rom-com is meant to promote a film!
Open Post: Hosted By The World’s Largest Pizza
When it comes to eating pizza with a hungry family, the larger, the better; otherwise, you end up getting two thin slices that are missing 75% of the cheese. But if a 14” isn’t big enough for your ravenous appetite, then I present to you Pizza Hut’s largest pizza, clocking in at 13,990 square feet. That’s enough to last like three dinners!
Open Post: Hosted By Hellmann’s Asking You To Put Mayo In Your Eggnog
Hot on the hells (typo and it stays) of Lindsay Lohan and Pepsi trying to make Milk Pepsi happen (very fetch), Hellmann’s have come up with their own holiday abomination. If you thought your eggnog was missing that special something, grab some room-temperature mayonnaise and throw a glob of it into your nog! If this is what bringing out the best means to Hellmann’s, I might have to switch condiment providers.