Category: Food Fuckery
Open Post: Hosted By Ashton Kutcher Admitting That He Puts Orange Juice In His Coffee
From the man that brought us “I only wash my pits and crotch after the gym” and “I poop with the door open” comes a new deranged take! As part of the press tour for his rom-less com Your Place or Mine, Ashton Kutcher appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show to tell us that instead of milk or flavored creamer, he likes pouring orange juice into his coffee in the morning. Note to Ashton, telling the audience about your nauseating consumption habits is NOT how the sexy lead of a rom-com is meant to promote a film!
Open Post: Hosted By The World’s Largest Pizza
When it comes to eating pizza with a hungry family, the larger, the better; otherwise, you end up getting two thin slices that are missing 75% of the cheese. But if a 14” isn’t big enough for your ravenous appetite, then I present to you Pizza Hut’s largest pizza, clocking in at 13,990 square feet. That’s enough to last like three dinners!
Open Post: Hosted By Hellmann’s Asking You To Put Mayo In Your Eggnog
Hot on the hells (typo and it stays) of Lindsay Lohan and Pepsi trying to make Milk Pepsi happen (very fetch), Hellmann’s have come up with their own holiday abomination. If you thought your eggnog was missing that special something, grab some room-temperature mayonnaise and throw a glob of it into your nog! If this is what bringing out the best means to Hellmann’s, I might have to switch condiment providers.
Open Post: Hosted By McDonald’s Ugly Happy Meal Toys For Adults
In a world where reboots of classic 80s and 90s films abound and Disney adults exist, it’s no surprise that McDonald’s is trying to get into that game. Nostalgia means money, baby! The fast-food giant announced the launch of its limited-time only Happy Meals for adults. It has everything that you recall from your childhood: the classic golden arched box, junk food that your slow metabolism can no longer fully process, and disturbing toys! Apparently being a grown-up means that every aspect of your life must include some form of horror, even the whimsical Happy Meal.
Open Post: Hosted By Pepsi’s Limited Edition S’mores Sodas
Mooooooooove over, Pink Sauce. Beat it, Taco Truck Jelly Beans! A new disgusting creation has come onto the scene: Pepsi S’mores! But in an effort to make it slightly viler, this version comes in three flavors: toasty marshmallow, graham cracker, and chocolate. It’s more of a collection than just a simple drink. That’s what you can tell people when you want to sound fancy about your beverages that can clean drain pipes.
Open Post: Hosted By The Kellogg’s $5000 Competition That Wants You To Eat Cereal For Dinner
Big news for people who don’t care about nutrients in their meals! Cereal has often been touted as part of a “balanced” breakfast, but have you ever thought of sprinkling in some Special K (not THAT Special K!) into your spaghetti and meatballs? Kellogg’s is giving people the chance to win $5000 if they start making cereal part of their dinner place. Swap a succulent leg of lamb for some Frosted Flakes? You don’t have to ask me twice!