Category: Elon Musk
Elon Musk Made An Appearance At A Dave Chappelle Show In San Francisco And Got Booed For Ten Minutes Straight
We know from the progeny he made with Grimes that Elon Musk is super into aliens which might help to explain why he’s spent the past year or so attempting to alienate everybody in his orbit, starting with his own family and then moving on to alienate his investors, then his own employees and customers, and last night, Elon successfully alienated an entire stadium full of Dave Chapelle fans when he joined Dave on stage to deliver the most cacophonous tight-ten I have ever witnessed. According to Forbes, Elon joined Dave on stage during a set at the Chase Center in San Francisco and was greeted with nearly ten minutes of continuous, heartfelt booing from the audience. It would seem, much to his shock and horror, that Elon learned the hard way that, while you can buy friends, you can’t buy your friend’s fans and also that alienating someone doesn’t mean they turn into the cool little outer-space dude he’s been doodling in his notebook since he was eight; it means they hate your ass. Now worse than ever.
The City Of San Francisco Is Investigating The Bedrooms In Twitter’s Offices
Now that TIME Magazine has done the right thing by NOT naming ghost-faced douchebag Elon Musk as their Person of the Year, the city of San Francisco is knocking on his door to check out a few bedrooms he had installed at Twitter‘s headquarters. On paper, it seems like a good thing; a place where tired employees can rest while their misguided master puts the whip down for a few seconds. But considering this is Elon we’re talking about, those rooms probably have timers that allow five-minute naps during a twenty-hour workday. And the Department of Building Inspection needs to investigate whether or not these rooms are up to code.
Elon Musk Made The Short List For Time Magazine’s Person Of The Year
As we all prepare to buy gifts we know we can’t afford, the richest person in the world, Elon Musk, is crying tears of joy and dabbing at his eyes with million-dollar bills after once again being added to the shortlist for Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. Or, perhaps he’s just crying because when he graced the cover last year, he wasn’t in the process of murdering Twitter with his ridiculous antics. Honestly, I don’t think he should have made the list in the first place because he’s a self-destructive demon.
Elon Musk Suspended Kanye West From Twitter After His Unhinged Day Of Antisemitism
After Kanye West appeared in a gimp mask on Alex Jones’s InfoWars yesterday and did the impossible by making Alex look like the most sensible person in the room for once when he outright admitted that he likes Hitler and declared that it’s time to stop dissing Nazis, Kanye then moved his shockingly blatant antisemitism and nearly constant ranting to Twitter. In his manic tweeting, Ye also defended Balenciaga, claimed that he “caught” Kim Kardashian with NBA player Chris Paul, and shared a pic of a shirtless Elon Musk, obviously meant to poke fun at his physique. Elon ultimately suspended Ye’s account (that he’s only had back since October), later clarifying it was because of the antisemitic stuff, not because of having his shirtless balls busted.
Alyssa Milano Made Whoopi Goldberg Sigh On “The View” By Announcing She’s Sticking With Twitter
We can’t credit Alyssa Milano for the creation of the #MeToo movement but we can acknowledge that she was one of the first celebrities to inspire my usage of the hashtag #TookToTwitter, which, despite my considerable efforts over the years to make that a thing, continues to languish from disuse, forever criminally underused and hanging by a thread much like the fate of Twitter itself since Elon Musk took over (or #TookTwitter, for those keeping track) and fired all the adults. But ever since Alyssa got a little bit of credit for helping #MeToo spread like wildfire on Twitter back in the early days of our current end times, she’s used the platform as a virtual soapbox (yes, her avatar is STILL standing on a literal one, megaphone in hand) for her burgeoning career as a leftist rabble-rouser. And she’s not going down without a fight.
Elon Musk Will Make A Whole New Phone If Apple And Google Block Twitter
You’d think that after a month of playing with a new toy that spoiled billionaire Elon Musk would have gotten bored and moved on to something else to waste his time on. Maybe “manage” his two other businesses? Nah! The man who proved that money can’t buy you cool is still wiling his time away on Twitter, hoping that Nathan Fielder will see it and become his best friend. Shockingly, the only people Elon is managing to befriend throughout this fiasco are far right-winger messes. And due to the increase in hate speech and ugly content, some users believe that this might lead to Twitter being kicked off of Google and Apple’s app stores. But the meme-stealing CEO has a plan for that eventuality: he’ll make his own phone! Please, Elon, stop “fixing” things and go hang out with your kids or something!