Category: Crimes Of Fashion
Open Post: Hosted By The 7-Eleven/Crocs Collaboration
There is a certain subset of folks in the world who actually believe in the power of ugly and evil Crocs. So in keeping up with a good marketing gimmick, longstanding convenience store 7-Eleven has teamed up with Crocs to reveal a line of shoes that look like something from a wacky anime fever dream. In other words, it’s high fashion at its best.
Open Post: Hosted By Balenciaga’s $1,790 “Trash Pouch” Handbag
With gas prices still as high as a giraffe’s ass and inflation heavily affecting things like groceries, leave it to the luxury industry to laugh at the expense of the average American by creating knockoff poor people shit and selling it at a premium. Balenciaga has done this before, like that time they made Croc stilettos or a bootleg Ikea bag and charged thousands of dollars for them; this time they’ve crafted a calfskin handbag that would give Oscar The Grouch the down-low tingles, because it’s basically just a leather trash bag that they’ve deemed the “Trash Pouch.”
Kim Kardashian Is Now Selling Elbow-Length Swim Gloves
Are you tired of getting your hands wet while bathing in the French Riviera? Does it bother you that the sun may be giving you an unsightly tan on your fingers? Worry no more! The master of pimping out products that add very little value to your life but still cost at least a month’s wages, Kim Kardashian is back with a new superfluous piece of clothing that is sure to impress those who hate seeing naked fingers in the water. Swim Gloves. It’s like wet socks for your hands. No, Kim didn’t invent swim gloves, of course. They’ve been around for a while and have been used for swimming and surfing and such, but Kim is trying to make you think you need $48 evening swim gloves to “elevate your swim look.”
Open Post: Hosted By Julia Fox’s Mega Low-Rise Pants
It’s been a while since we’ve heard anything about America’s sweetheart Julia Fox around these parts. After her contract with Kanye expired in February, Julia, seen above working a pair of Sharpie alien brows last month, reassessed her life and fashion choices and decided that being low-key was the best way forward. KIDDING! She’s still choosing to wear fashion that one might describe as “Met Gala meets space ho.” And today’s choice of glamour wear: the jeans that require you to get a crotch waxing unless you want to accessorize your look with a bouquet of pubes (another elegant touch!). But if you thought showing your hip bone was low, then you have not explored the world of crotch bone jeans!
Kim Kardashian Probably Damaged The Marilyn Monroe Dress She Wore To The Met Gala
Unless you decided to go off the grid and were hunkered down in the dressing room of an abandoned DASH Boutique in a shuttered strip mall in the Valley for the past month, you know that Kim Kardashian wore Marilyn Monroe’s “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” dress for like five whole minutes to this year’s Met Gala while she slowly waddled the red carpet with boyfriend, Pete Davidson. This stunt was met with disapproval from historians, Bob Mackie, and any member of the general public who has had to throw away tattered years-old underwear because we all know what happens to aged fabric when it stretches. In “when is someone finally going to tell this trick ‘no’” news, there’s now a photo showing damage to the back of the dress and anyone who has working eyes (and Paris Hilton) could have predicted that this would happen.
Justin Bieber Was An Oversized Menswear Mess At The Grammys Last Night
Most rich, famous red carpet-going people work with a stylist, which is truly the easiest way to get dressed before a big red carpet event. I could look up the name of the person with which Justin Bieber finds himself before a big event. But based on the look he wore to the 2022 Grammy Awards last night, it’s more fun to assume who Justin’s stylist was. And the easiest guess would be: Someone who didn’t know Justin’s suit size beforehand, ran into an NBA player’s closet on the way to Justin’s house, and screamed, “Oh god, please tell me you have something smaller than a 3XL in here.”