Behold, The Best Ass On Primetime

You should remove the tip of your tongue from your screen now. Your co-workers are staring. Actually, fuck ’em, don’t let them keep your tongue from the Meloni ass.

Christopher Meloni was on Conan the other night and the subject of his bubble butt from the Gods came up, because his bubble butt from the Gods comes up in every conversation that involves Christopher Meloni. Conan said that Rachael Harris, Chris’ co-star in that now dead FOX show Surviving Jack, was on the week before and wouldn’t slob slobbering at the mouth about how his rock hard ass is so rock hard that you could chip a toof if you tossed his salad and his ass is so glorious that it makes your face wish it was the seat of his chair. In November 2012 when us Americans went to vote for President, we also voted for something much more important: Who’s got the hottest man ass on primetime? Chris Meloni won that poll and he bragged about it on Conan. Chris said that keeps his ass sitting high up with squats and also talked about how gay dudes try to pick his ass up in the gym shower. Christopher Meloni talked about all of that while dressed like a South Beach florist who still mourns the loss of the International Male catalog.

And if you need proof before you can agree that Christopher Meloni has the hottest ass in primetime (well, HAD that hottest ass in primetime, see: his show getting canned), after the jump is a NSFWish iconic GIF from Oz of him busting out a prostate exam pose.  Continue reading

Christopher Meloni Might Be On True Blood Next Season

Alan Ball’s never-ending quest to fill True Blood with more man meat than John Travolta’s Scientolohole continues. The True Blood men’s gym, where Pam cracks a whip at man pieces while they do a million crunches in between takes, is about to get another member. TVLine is saying that Chris Meloni is in talks to return to HBO where he can proudly get dick out nekkid without censors clutching their rosaries.

TVLine’s source says Chris might play an “incredibly powerful vampire” who is a major part of next season. HBO is closing their lips to this rumor.

Every time I blink, True Blood’s moved in a new damn character. Characters are falling out of the sky on that show. Bong smoke has eaten away most of the memory chip shoved into my dead brain, so I have a hard time keeping track of all those new bitches. BUTT! I will approve of this if Alan Ball does the right thing by casting Chris as Count Cockula, a powerful vampire who only wears a cape and can only receive nourishment from sucking on the dick veins of werewolves (see: Joe ManJello). What I’m getting at is that Alan Ball better not give us another hot piece who slobbers over Sookeh’s fairy pussy. I can’t.

Christopher Meloni Even Makes Empire State Building Statues Cum

And he so knows the power his hands hold. Look at him softly caress that statue’s undercarriage too. The Empire State Building’s no smoking policy is temporarily void today, because it’s going need a few cigarettes after this.