Category: Amanda Bynes

A Touching Moment Between Courtney Love And Amanda Bynes

May 28, 2013 / Posted by:

Courtney Love gave Amanda Bynes a little advice from one mess to another mess on Twitter yesterday:

If Courtney told any of us to get it together, we’d find out what “it” is and immediately get it together. Because when Courtney tells you to get it together….

But of course, Amanda stayed sitting in the mean girls section of the junior high school cafeteria and shot back with this:

And that ends this touching moment between Courtney Love and Amanda Bynes.

The NYPD Says That A Cop Never Slapped Amanda Bynes’ Vagina

May 28, 2013 / Posted by:

The NYPD investigated Amanda Bynes’ claim that a cop slapped her cooch while arresting her for throwing a bong out the window and decided that she made it all up. A rep for the NYPD said in a statement to Gossip Cop that there’s no evidence to prove that Amanda is telling the truth (Side note: Did they interview her slapped snatch per chance?) and a very credible witness never saw the cops handling her crotch area wrong. Amanda responded on Twitter and surprisingly she didn’t cry, “POLICE COVER-UP,” but she did tweet out some shit that made me laugh and cry at the same time:

My lawyer is getting my case dropped! There was no proof of sexual harassment or drugs. Instead of me asking for the cop to be arrested for sexual harassment, I want my case dropped as well. His punishment will be being the cop who sexually harassed someone who would never find him handsome enough to be my boyfriend. That’s worse than any time in jail. But I am suing him for money compensation. I love having more money in my bank!

Oh, that Amanda’s always looking on the bright side and the bright side is always prettier than you.

Amanda Bynes truly missed her calling. Since she’s obsessed with the American legal system and is always spewing out crazy shit that doesn’t really make sense, she should’ve been a lawyer! Shit, she should’ve been Jodi Arias’ lawyer! Yes, Jodi still would’ve been found guilty, but Amanda would’ve given the jury something to think about by saying, “Jodi is going to spend the rest of her life behind bars, but all of you will spend the rest of your lives trapped behind an ugly face and that’s worse than being in prison! Eww!

And I’m trying to decide if Amanda’s bangs glasses are the look or not the look?

Amanda Bynes Wants To Sue The NYPD Now (UPDATE)

May 27, 2013 / Posted by:

In “What kind of foolery did Amanda Bynes spit out on Twitter today?” news, Amanda Bynes stepped away from her one-sided war with RiRi for a second to get back to what she’s really good at: threatening to sue whores! The courts better get a bigger file room, because they’re going to need a lot of room to house all the lawsuits that Amanda Bynes is going to file.

Amanda plans to sue the NYPD for every wrong they did to her (although, she didn’t mention getting slappity slap slapped in the vagina.) Amanda is highly offended, because she’s a good girl who’s allergic to booze and the good shit. Take it away, Amanda:

For once and for all, this is the last thing I’ll say about the mistaken arrest. I’m suing NYPD for illegally entering my apartment, lying about drugs on me and lying about me tampering with non existent drug paraphernalia, then I’m suing for being put into a mental hospital against my will, then locked up overnight for coming home after a facial and working out with my trainer like the good girl that I am. I’m allergic to alcohol and drugs and don’t partake in any of the above. I’m so offended by all of this but so proud to not be a drug or alcohol user. I don’t need to talk about this anymore. My lawyer and I are taking this offense so seriously! Everything they did was against the law and The judge saw that there was no drugs on me or proof of any type of bong or mental illness (I was so offended to even be taken to a mental hospital and they would not let me call my lawyer until the next day after being in jail all night, then I went to court and was immediately released because the judge saw that I was wrongly arrested. The cops found no proof of any type of drug use or evidence of drug paraphernalia such as a bong in or around my apartment) I’m also suing my apartment complex for lying about me smoking in my building. I’m free forever! You can’t lock up an innocent person! Thanks for caring! Look forward to seeing me in music videos! I’m getting in shape and getting a nose job! I’m looking forward to a long and wonderful career as a singer/rapper!

And Waka Flocka Flame just had to add fuel to the insanity by tweeting this:

@AmandaBynes when people hate and the media lies……. That means you popping #FlockaFacts

He’s not helping….

Amanda has already said that she’s going to sue all the tabloids and anybody who uses a picture of her without her approval, and now she’s going to sue the NYPD and her apartment building too. Amanda is basically suing everyone and I fully expect her to be in every episode of Judge Judy next season.

Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan broke out of Betty Ford, ran over a few babies, robbed a few pharmacies and is terrorizing the streets, but we’re all too busy caring about this Amanda Bynes saga to notice.

UPDATE: Amanda went back on Twitter today to say she never called RiRi an ugly bitch who got her ass beat by Fist Brown because she wasn’t pretty enough. Amanda says that her followers “mocked” those “fake” tweets and she wants to do a video with RiRi one day. Pretty much everyone with at least 1/100th of their common sense gene intact called this.

I saw a bunch of mocked up tweets about me bashing Rihanna in my mentions. I’m followed by so many people that someone is always mocking up fake tweets so I feel the need to address them! Rihanna and I met and I’m sure we’ll be in a music video together one day! That’s one of the mocked up images, they took photos of me from outside and morphed them onto someone else’s body. I am allergic to marijuana and alcohol but I smoke tobacco. Why does Rihanna smoke weed and not get in trouble for it but I smoke tobacco and people think I’m on drugs? I refuse to be treated like someone I’m not, which is why I fought for myself and am suing everyone involved. I don’t need to go to rehab. There is never a drug or alcohol in my system! I’m sick of all the lies! What would you do if someone accused you of things you didn’t do and yet you still had to be in jail at all over it! I’m so offended but I am so educated that I know cops cannot illegally enter my apartment, sexually harass me, arrest me, take me to a MENTAL HOSPITAL, then lock me up for a crime I didn’t commit. I’m suing them all for this upsetting nightmare. My lawyer knows I’m a model citizen who doesn’t partake in drugs. He’s going to court this week to set the record straight again on my behalf. Thankfully I’m an educated multi-millionaire who knows better than to speak to perverted unjust cops without my lawyer.

I just don’t even know anymore. Not that I ever knew. And that “thankfully I’m an educated multi-millionaire” line of insanity says everything.

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The Amanda Bynes vs. RiRi Feud That Nobody Asked For Is Here

May 26, 2013 / Posted by:

When the judge released Amanda Bynes back into the wild, they should’ve released her only if she agreed to two things: 1) to turn her polyester wigs into the proper authorities (because those things should never be allowed on the streets) and; 2) turn in her Twitter account immediately. Because Amanda spread the fuckery in heavy, heavy doses on Twitter today. Amanda has stopped throwing bongs out of windows (I think), but now she’s firing shots on Twitter. Amanda went after RiRi for no reason other than she’s Amanda Bynes and she’s as crazy as that wig on her head.

I didn’t think I’d ever tell anyone to step away from the bong, but Amanda Bynes needs to take four steps backwards away from her bong and she needs to take a hundred steps backwards away from Twitter. Weed + Amanda Bynes = not a good look. To Amanda, the good shit is the bad shit.

RiRi could’ve responded several ways and since I’ve seen her responses to haters on Twitter before, I sort of expected her to pull off Amanda’s wig and beat that trick with it. But she tweeted this gem instead:

And Amanda kept the crazy going….

When RiRi comes off as the classy and sane individual, I just don’t even know anymore.

And in about 45 seconds, Amanda will claim she was hacked and will sue Twitter, RiRi, the canine community, the producers of Hackers (for teaching people how to hack) and ugly people (aka everybody but her).

via ONTD

And Now Amanda Bynes Claims That A Cop Slapped Her Vagina

May 25, 2013 / Posted by:

And the messiness gets even messier. Amanda Bynes defended herself on Twitter today and said that a cop Zsa Zsa’s her chocha and lied about her throwing a bong out the window. Doesn’t the NYPD know that only Drake is allowed to commit a violent crime on her cooch? Here’s the truth according to Amanda:

Don’t believe the reports about me being arrested. It’s all lies. I was sexually harassed by one of the cops the night before last which is who then arrested me. He lied and said I threw a bong out the window when I opened the window for fresh air. Hilarious. He slapped my vagina. Sexual harassment. Big deal. I then called the cops on him. He handcuffed me, which I resisted, quite unlike any of the reports stated. Then I was sent to a mental hospital. Offensive. I kept asking for my lawyer but they wouldn’t let me. The cops were creepy. The cop sexually harassed me, they found no pot on me or bong outside my window. That’s why the judge let me go. Don’t believe any reports.

I don’t even know what to think anymore. But what I do know is that Amanda’s wig will forever be embedded into a special place in my nightmares and this entire situation has made me think of her vagina more than I’d like to. If Amanda’s telling the truth, I’m shaking my head at this shit. If Amanda’s not telling the truth, I’m shaking my head at this.

Wheelchair Jimmy, come get your girl already.

Amanda Bynes Is Not Crazy Enough For A 5150 Type Situation

May 25, 2013 / Posted by:

Before a judge released Amanda Bynes back into the wild and didn’t keep her in jail for throwing a bong out her apartment window in Manhattan, she underwent a psychiatric evaluation at Roosevelt Hospital. Even with a SCREAM FOR HELP wig on top of Amanda’s head, the psychiatrists at Roosevelt didn’t think she needed to be held in a psych ward involuntarily. TMZ says that Amanda’s parents want to become her conservators, but she hasn’t been acting insane enough for a judge to make them the CEO and CFO of her life. I know, that gutter ass wig says otherwise.

TMZ’s sources say that Amanda has never been diagnosed with any kind of mental illness, but her parents, who live in California, think she might be schizophrenic or bi-polar. It’s been hard for them to find out for sure, because Amanda shakes her wig “no” when they ask her to see a psychiatrist. Apparently, the authorities want to put Amanda in a mental facility for 72 hours so she can get a full mental health evaluation, but there’s just not enough evidence for a judge to approve that. I guess Amanda’s crazy behavior just isn’t crazy enough for the judge to force her to do anything. TMZ says that a judge can force her to get a full mental health evaluation if they think she’s not clear in the brains enough to understand the felony charges against her.

And here’s Amanda in court yesterday morning.

Why did I keep waiting for Amanda to scream, “BRING IN THE DANCING LOBSTERS!!!”

Amanda was back on Twitter last night and once again spread thick layers of delusion by saying that she doesn’t smoke the good shit.

What more is there to say? If this was an episode of the Twilight Zone, everybody would be the crazy ones and Amanda would be the sane one. Because everybody is smelling weed smoke instead of tobacco smoke and don’t know the difference between a vase and a bong. Well, but at least Amanda knows that her wig looks like something was pulled off of a dead morning-shift hooker lying in a ditch.

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