Betty White Wins Again!

/ March 9, 2010

Lorne Michaels recently said that he’s in talks with Betty White to appear on Saturday Night Live, but it hasn’t been confirmed CONFIRMED until now! At an Oscar party on Sunday, Betty White told People that she is doing SNL. Betty didn’t say if she going to be a part of the “Women of Comedy” with Tina Fey or if she’s going to handle that bitch by herself. Betty’s lips are sealed for now.

You now have a reason to take a piece of cheesecake, throw it in a blender, add a bottle of anything that’s 90 proof or more, pulse away until it’s the consistency of puppy barf and then chug away while humming the Golden Girls theme song. Actually, once you drink it, I think your bowels will hum the Golden Girls theme song for you.

And if you don’t have cheesecake, you can make this “refreshing” coffee cocktail courtesy of everyone’s favorite drunktard Sandra Lee! It’s basically Sanka, stale coffee beans, heavy cream and every kind of li-kooooor you’ve got in your cabinet. Gorgeous!

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The Betty White/Quween Feud Lives On

/ February 24, 2010

Last week, Betty White and Quween on the Scene had a little quarrel outside of the Beverly Hills Medical Center. I was hoping that they would make up over shots of Mad Dog in the parking garage, but obviously that didn’t happen. By the looks of these pictures taken yesterday, Quween is no longer a friend of Betty’s, just like sanity is no longer a friend of OctoMom’s.

This hurts deep. Just look at Betty making painfaces! I make the same face when I accidentally look down while taking a shower by myself. It’s like Quween’s presence is giving her an awesomely horrible case of gas.

You know that one episode of Dateline NBC about telemarketing scams that target the elderly? This looks like a dramatization of that episode. This is not a good sign at all.

I don’t want to have to spend weekends at Quween’s corner, and weekdays at Betty’s house, so I hope this all blows over soon. Whenever you piss off a Golden Girl, just put a cheesecake on her porch and back off. Well, unless it’s Blanche, and then you just slip a hot man in her mail box.

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But Why Can’t Betty White Host SNL By Herself?!

/ February 21, 2010

If you stormed Rockefeller Center to demand that Betty White host SNL, then you probably looked like a lone asshole out there by yourself, because everybody else made their plea by joining the “Betty White 4 SNL” Facebook group. And if you are one of the many that joined, then get ready to give yourself a congratulatory finger bang, because Betty White is really close to hosting SNL. Actually, get ready to give yourself half of a congratulatory finger bang (just to the knuckle), because Betty White will not host the show alone. How do they say “fuckery” in St. Olaf?

Michael Ausiello over at EW has it on good authority that Lorne Michaels has heard the cries of the Betty White movement and will sign her to co-host SNL’s “Women of Comedy” episode. Apparently, Lorne isn’t sure that 88-year-old Betty White can handle an entire show by herself, so he’s gathering other ladies to help her out. Molly Shannon is ready to join Betty, and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have both been asked.

Lorne is totally underestimating the power of Betty White! Betty isn’t going to fall asleep mid-show, or leave to catch the tail end of a Matlock episode she’s already seen a dozen times. NO! Betty has the stamina of Kirstie Alley at the buffet. Betty can do anything.

I guess this is better than nothing, but I’m still going to flip Lorne off St.Olaf-style like Betty White is in the picture above.

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Betty White Wins Every Time

/ February 8, 2010

It goes without saying that my favorite ad from last night’s Super Commercial Bowl 2010 was Betty White’s commercial for Snickers. Betty White is like bacon. Her presence makes everything better. That being said, Snickers did get it a little twisted. Betty White could murder a herd of Khloe Kardashians just by flinching, so I didn’t appreciate that “you’re playing like Betty White” line. More like you’re NOT playing like Betty White.

The rest of the commercials paled in comparison, but let’s talk bout a couple of them anyway. Google’s ad was at the top of a bunch of lists. While watching this mess, I couldn’t help but think that Hollywood is going to turn this into a feature-length romantic comedy starring Tom Hanks as the Googler and Meg Ryan as the French girl. You’ve Got Google In Paris!

Oprah and Letterman’s sequel to their 2007 ad also starred Conan O’Brien’s dream killer. The commercial is more entertaining if you picture all of them pantless. And also if you picture Gayle King munching on Oprah’s Frito-Lay pie.

Click here to see the rest of the commercials. The theme of the night was the balls-less man! Is Kate Gosselin producing commercials now?

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Betty White Wants To Be The Last Golden Girl Standing

/ February 2, 2010

It’s a good thing that Betty White will outlive us all, because when you’re on your deathbed your last wish will be to get a “Die Soon” card from her like the one she gave to Rue McClanahan.

As you know from looking at the prayer circle of cheesecakes in your living room, Rue suffered a stroke recently. One of Rue’s friends tell Lady Bunny that Betty White sent her a touching card that read: “Dear Rue, I hope you will hurry up and die so that I can be the last Golden Girl left.” Rue was “tickled” by this. And then she sharpened her shank.

via WOW Report

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Open Post: Hosted By Betty White

/ June 12, 2009

Jimmy Fallon got to play beer ping bong with Betty White last night! Not Benefiber ping pong, BEER ping pong. This just proves that Betty White is seriously the hottest bitch in the game. If my own abuelita wouldn’t beat me with her chankla and tie me to a tree, I’d say I wished Betty White was my memaw.

Jimmy ended up winning the game, but that’s just because Betty took pity on his ass.

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