Who’s going to tell an almost century-old icon to be sensible and go to bed while it’s still light out after an early-bird dinner with a free cup of jiggly custard for dessert? NO ONE, that’s who. Today we celebrate the 99th birthday of fabulousness incarnate, the inimitable Betty White. The pic above is from 2018 B.C. (Before COVID-19), but beautifully captures the joy of 90+ candles on a cake before the world went to hell in a masked and socially distanced handbasket, so here we are. And where is the birthday girl?

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It’s a scary time. Especially for those of us with elderly or immunocompromised loved ones. Which is why a bunch of worried Betty White fans flooded her Instagram with comments asking for health updates. Betty is 98 goddamn years old! The people were concerned.

Luckily, a source close to Betty says the national (nay, international, NAY, galactical) treasure is safe, healthy, and self isolating in her L.A. home. Continue reading

Another good question would be: Why isn’t this podcast episode just one long Betty White tribute? We do get into Betty White, but then we also talk about other Emmys stuff like Michael Che and Colin Jost’s hosting skills, the proposal that melted my heart for a millisecond, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (or Mrs. Measles as I call it repeatedly) winning everything, and the time in the olden days when Emmy-winning RuPaul’s Drag Race namechecked Dlisted on an episode. Allison and I also talk about Stormy Daniels ruining Mario Kart for everyone, Bert & Ernie’s gayness, and the possibility of Mayor Kanye of Chicago. We end with a little game of Emmys trivia that involves The Golden Girls and sex toys, naturally.

Note: I mention in this episode that Dick Van Dyke won the Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Emmy for The Dick Van Dyke Show, a sitcom, in 1964. Wikipedia gave me that bit of info, and 1964 was a year when Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy and a Drama were combined, so technically I was right. Don’t @ me!

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Ratings hit a new low, and many shat on this year’s Emmy Awards for being boring apart from the winner who used his acceptance speech to propose to his girlfriend. Luckily, the producers also recognize nothing puts a smile on an audience members face like puppies and Betty White. Considering the how populated the Microsoft Theater was Monday night with gluten-free/oh-so-allergic actors and actresses, they went with honoring Betty and her more than 80 (!!!) years  in show business. It was a smart call since everyone bent the knee in the spirit of Game Of Thrones to Miss Rose Nylund!

TVLine notes how Betty also channeled the late Rue McClanahan’s Blanche Devereaux by pawing up on Alec Baldwin and saying, “You think I’m gonna miss a chance when I get it?” Betty! Don’t waste your time on Alec when those hot pieces of GoT man meat are just two aisles over! Some people tried to say Betty sounded a little shaky, but I’d like to see their ass at 96 take center stage. Betty marveled how wonderful it was to have a career as long as hers in an industry “that will still put up with you…I wish they still did that at home.” Pish posh, Betty! I’d gladly put up with you for 96 more years over that reboot of Jersey Shore (or anything on TV, for that matter)!

Pic: Wenn.com

Closer spoke with an “exclusive source” close to sassy cultural icon Betty White about her future plans. Documentary filmmaker Steven J. Boettcher (he co-directed the upcoming documentary Betty White: First Lady of Television) reveals that the other Golden Girls actually faked their own deaths and Betty plans to join them soon to implement their plans to take over the world with their own cheesecake junta and transform this planet into one big lanai on which to drink and gossip on. Actually, he says that Betty has no plans to retire anytime soon. Finally – some good news. Continue reading

Everyone can go ahead and stop giving their opinion on that asshole dentist killing Cecil the Lion, because the only voice that matters has finally bestowed her thoughts upon us. As everyone raged, I wondered, “But what does Betty White think?” I finally got my answer. The 93-year-old international treasure and gift to living things is hosting a block of animal specials for Discovery in August called “Pawgust” and while promoting it, she told the Associated Press what she thinks of Walter Palmer.

“You don’t want to hear some of the things I want to do to that man. It’s such a heartbreaker. You can’t even talk about it, and to see this king of the jungle and personifying it in every way, this gorgeous creature. How can somebody do that?”

I bet that after reading that statement, Eli Roth wondered what would Betty White do to that man if they were locked in a room together. And then Eli Roth took his ass to a movie studio to pitch Hostel: Part IV – Betty White v. Trophy Hunters.

Pic: Morris Animal Foundation