Scarlett and Those Beautiful Breasts Will Soon Be Single

/ November 11, 2006

Yes, I’m a fag..but I would love nothing more than to cuddle up on Scarlett Johansson’s beautiful breastes. It’s probably the mama’s boy in me. Always yearning to drink the delicious nectar of life, ugh…I’m grossing myself out. So, Scarlett may be on the market soon. Sources close to her claim that she’s about to break it off with longtime boyfriend, Josh Hartnett. The pair haven’t seen each other in weeks.

A source said, “They are on the rocks. Scarlett is always mad at him, and they are always arguing.”

Scarlett will probably run into the arms of Woody Allen. I mean run into the twigs of Woody Allen. Oh well, Josh totally has meth face anyway.

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This Song Gives Me a Headache

/ November 11, 2006

This is the video from Gwen Stefani’s first single “Wind it Up” off her second album. The video is actually kind of hot. I just wish I was drunk, so I could really enjoy it. The song however, sucks hard. I just don’t want to hear yodeling…I’m sorry. If I wanted to hear yodeling I’d ride a yak through the mountains of Sweden or wherever they do that or I’d rent the damn Sound of Music. Gwen looks hot, I’ll give her that.

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Britney Puts Malibu Mansion on the Market…KFed Stays in Budget Motel

/ November 11, 2006

Britney Spears has put up the Malibu mansion she shared with KFed up for sale. She’s apparently asking around $13 million for the pad. She’s hoping to start fresh and put bad memories behind her. She’s also mulling a move to New York City. She feels the people have been great to her and she really loves the city. Unfortunately, we don’t have an In-N-Out or Coffee Bean here, so she’d be kind of fucked. Britney is in Miami this weekend with the brats working on her album.

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On the other side…KFed was spotted checking into a $89 a night motel off the freeway. He was also spotted a Wal-Mart in Maryland buying undies.

Give me a break. This is all for publicity people. He’s not that broke, he’s just putting on a show. Seriously, this whole thing is getting almost as bad as the Anna Nicole saga. If Britney comes forward saying JJ isn’t KFed’s, I’m out of here. I mean, he’s obviously trying to gain sympathy. Furthermore, he probably bought his undies from Wal-Mart when he was with Britney, cause it’s gangster. Ewww, imagine the track marks on his shit.

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Tobey Maguire’s a Father

/ November 11, 2006

Bastard baby alert! Tobey Maguire and his fiance, Jennifer Meyer, have welcomed a baby girl to their family. The untitled creation was brought into this world Thursday night at Cedars in Los Angeles. The couple have been together for three years and will marry soon.

I always get them confused with Matt Damon and his wife. Anyway, no word yet on what they will name their child. Probably something super boring like Poppy or Daisy.

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Birthday Sluts

/ November 11, 2006

Stanley Tucci (46)
Brittny Gastineau (24)
Leonardo DiCaprio (32)
Tyler Christopher (34)
Carson Kressley (37)
Calista Flockhart (42)
Jane Pratt (44)
Demi Moore (44)
Lisa Welchel (46)
Andy Partridge (53)
Jonathan Winters (81)

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