Oh Sick! Mike Tyson’s Gonna Be a Hooker!

/ November 17, 2006

Heidi Fleiss has recruited a wife beater and rapist to work as a male hooker at her male brothel in Nevada. Heidi’s Stud Farm will welcome Mike when it opens its doors next year.

Heidi said, “I told him, ‘You’re going to be my big stallion.’ It’s every man’s fear that their girlfriend will go for Mike Tyson.”

Mike can’t wait to get into his new job and please a few ladies. Oh barf! He said, “I don’t care what any man says, it’s every man’s dream to please every woman – and get paid for it.”

Ok if you’re into a rape fantasies or getting banged by Mickey Mouse then this could work for you. I personally feel that they should have a therapist on staff to speak to the women that want to sleep with Mike before doing so, because those hoes must have serious issues. I don’t even want to think about it…ok I just did and I think my brains have fried for good.

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You Mean to Tell Me That Pete Doherty Isn’t Proper Enough for the Queen?!?

/ November 17, 2006

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss had basically begged for an invite to the screening of “Casino Royale” in London the other night, but were turned down. Walking STD, Paris Hilton, was given an invitation but the world’s favorite couple was not. The Queen herself (not Elton John, but he was there) attended the event and organizers felt that Kate and Pete aren’t right to meet the Queen. Oh snap!

A source said, “Pete was desperate to go with Kate. She’s a fan of the films and was planning a special outfit to wear. But the organizers didn’t want them mixing with royalty on the red carpet – it’s a classy event and they were not considered right for the occasion. They’re gutted.”

WHAT?! I mean Jordan went to that stupid screening and Kate isn’t good enough. I’m sure Pete and Kate had a better time at home smoking crack out of a broken light bulb and laughging themselves into a coma.

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Note to Lohan: This is You in 3 Months

/ November 17, 2006

As much as I think Kimbo Stewart has a face only a dog could love…I feel for her. Homegirl has liver cancer due to excessive drinking. Kimbo is out every night partying just like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, so it’s no surprise that her hard drinking has finally caught up to her.

Kimbo’s father, Rod said, “She just discovered that she has a very serious liver illness from drinking too much. She said to me, ‘Dad, I’m half Scottish, I thought I was allowed to drink a lot.’ I said, ‘No, darling, it doesn’t work like that.'”

Rod claims that she hasn’t had a drop of booze since being diagnosed. Okay, I did say above that I felt for her…I lied. Bitch deserves it. She’s a young ho and it’s sad, but it’s not like she couldn’t prevent it. These dumb skanks think they are indestructible. Lohan needs to listen up, cause homegirl is next.

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Posh Arrives in Rome Ready to Teach Class

/ November 17, 2006

Posh and Becks arrived in Rome today for you know what. Posh looked like she was ready to teach a bunch of school kids or star in a revival of “The King and I” and Becks looks like he wore whatever Posh said to wear. She probably thinks that granny sweaters are “REALLY IN” for metrosexuals this season. He looks like a tool and she looks like she has a stick up her ass.

Besides that, they are gorgeous.

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Surprise…Surprise…

/ November 17, 2006

Over the past few weeks in India, Angelina Jolie’s bodyguards have been causing quite a stir. They have already caused a car accident, pushed small children and delivered a beat down to a photographer. Well, their bad behavior has caught up with them. They’ve been arrested.

Indian police detained and arrested three of her guards after adults had complained that their children had been pushed and shoved near a school where filming was taking place.They also shouted racial slurs at people calling them “bloody Indians.

Angelina issued this statement:

“It is not surprising that the press involved failed to mention their share of the responsibility in the chaos. As for this horrible rumor that someone referred to a local man as a ‘bloody Indian,’ let me say this: I would never work with anyone that was derogatory towards another man’s race. My family is of mixed race.”

The men are behing held until their hearing. No date has been seen for a court hearing. Serves their asses right. Does this mean Angelina is going to put Maddox to work as head of her security? Please, Angelina should just apologize and move on. Dumb ho has to get on the defensive calling these people liars.

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They Should’ve Shelved It

/ November 17, 2006

Sienna Miller’sFactory Girl” was almost put away for good, but last minute reshoots saved it. Here’s the first trailer of the Edie Sedgwick biopic and it looks like a piece of garbage. The only good thing going for it is the fact that Mena Suvari’s hotness is in it and it is Mary-Kate Olsen’s acting debut without her sister. That has to be good. Ugh, but you have to sit through 2 hours of that skank, Sienna. That’s enough to give you the eye vomits. It’s due for limited release on December 29th in the States and will probably be available on DVD by January 3rd.

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