“I keep my intestines in my purse for after dinner.” – Christine The Hoff

Runners-up:

See kids, this is what happens when you leave your Barbie out in the sun too long! – Coasternutt

Like sands through the hourglass, so are her internal organs. – Loozer

Here’s more pics of this hotness!

Laura Bozzo – “The Latin Jerry Springer!” Laura hosts a Spanish-language talk show called Laura: En Acción on Telemundo

Below is a hot clip of some woman freaking out after finding out her daughter is a dyke! If you’re going to listen to it, turn the sound down. These hos are loud.

For Britneyscheaps

Taylor Dane (47)
Laura Prepon (28)
Jenna Fischr (34)
Peter Sarsgaard (37)
Rachel Weisz (37)
Wanda Sykes (45)
Bret Easton Ellis (45)
Donna Murphy (49)
Michael Eisner (66)

Who went home tonight? I won’t spoil it for you even though I really want to. Find out after the jump! Read more

WHAT THE FUCK?! How the hell?! What?! Blasphemy! Hurtful! This must be a bad dream.

So….our main girl, Danny Noriega, was given the boot tonight. I want a recount! Seriously! I don’t know what to say. This feels just like Gore and Bush in Florida all over again. It’s not right.

I just hope his chola mom will get a tear drop tattoo under her eye to commemorate this sad moment in history.

This week I sucked Randy Jackson nuts and only got 2 out of 4 right. The other 3 bitches that were given the boot were that Asia’h, Luke and Kady. Who cares about them! What the hell is Danny going to do now? It’s ok. Danny will get that sex change he’s always wanted and try out again next year as a girl. He’s totally going to win.

Below is Daniella’s tearful goodbye. Why do the gays always play with their fingernails when they are nervous? I bet homegirl was wishing she wore her Lee press-ons for this occasion. More to play with.

David Beckham has been named as the new face for Sharpie. You just know thousands of cholas everywhere are planning to jump Posh, so they can steal her man and a lifetime supply of their favorite lip liner.

The HBIC of Sharpie said, “Like the Sharpie brand, David embodies individuality and creative expression. He is the rare athlete who transcends nationality and sport to command worldwide attention, making him the perfect ambassador for Sharpie marker users who are as passionate about the bold mark of a Sharpie as they are about the colors, variety and almost limitless uses of the product.”

I’m praying Posh will take those free Sharpies and embrace her inner chola. I know it’s there. Here’s hoping we’ll soon see Posh with Sharpie eyebrows and lip liner. On a serious note, why didn’t Sharpie get Ms. Krazie?! Ms. Krazie could have definitely elevated their brand from office tool to daily beauty product.

Since we’re on the topic of cholas, here’s a video every damn bitch and their chola grandma has been sending me.

Matthew McConaughey really wants to name his baby boy after a beer. Matthew claims that his brother, Rooster McConaughey, named his second son Miller Lyte after his favorite beer. Star Magazine reports that Matthew loves the name so much, but Camilla Alves isn’t having any of it. Camilla is 5-months pregnant with his son and wants a more traditional name. Leave it to that bitch to kill all the fun.

A source said, “She’s pretty old-fashioned. She won’t let Matthew push her into this.” I need to have a talk with Camilla, because Matthew must get his wish. This would be the most awesome celebrity baby name ever!

But what’s Matthew’s beer of choice? Pabst Blue Ribbon? Beast Ice? Bud? Genny? The Possibilities are endless and any of those names will do.