Ashton Kutcher thinks he’s soooo slick. Well, I guess he is, because he fooled me! – Celebitchy

Dru Hill: The shortest reunion ever – Crunk + Disorderly

Looks like Adrian Grenier got a new job – I’m Not Obsessed

Katie Holmes looks like a brainwashed little clown – ICYDK

Janet Jackson has a new video. It’s the same shit – Popbytes

Tom Cruise is a Scientology robot – Mollygood

Has Jennifer Aniston finally found love? Doubt it – Gabsmash

Instead of using a picture of our fallen Danny Noriega, I’ve decided to use one of his gorgeous chola mother. This is probably the last time we will ever see her. That’s probably the hardest pill to swallow.

As you know, Danny was voted out of American Idol last night. I’m still asking for a fucking recount. I will sit there and count that shit myself.

Danny went on Ryan Seacrest’s show on KIIS-FM this morning to talk about his elimination. Ryan asked him about his relationship with Simon Cowell. Ryan asked why he stood up to Simon so much.

Danny, “Because I’m intense and I’m a chola.” This is why I will miss that girl. Although I wouldn’t call her a chola. Not a girl, not yet a chola.

He also said that he believes all the shit posted about him on the Internet had something to do with his elimination. No, I think stupid ass whores that don’t understand his glamour had something to do with him going home.

So long Danny! And here’s one for the road…Danny does not look like Jessica Alba! TMTH!

Thanks Terrill

File this under: About as shocking as a Paris Hilton gang bang. Friends of Amy Wino were apparently shocked when they witnessed her pulling a Prince Harry and snorting vodka up her nose. Are these new friends, because I’m pretty sure Wino has done much worse.

Wino was recently out at Bungalow 8 in London when she started playing the “gas chamber” game with friends. A source said, “She was sat next to Kelly and Miquita when she covered one nostril, tilted her head back and sucked the vodka shot down her open nostril through a straw. She threw back her head and reeled in shock and everyone around her looked stunned. She necked the top of the shot and lit the rest with a lighter. Then she grabbed a straw and sucked what was left up her nose.”

Wino didn’t stop there. I guess she wanted her vodka a little shaken, because she asked a friend to teach her the dutty wine dance. The dutty wine dance is where you spin your head super fast. The dance is deadly. At least one person has died from it.

Nothing shocks me about Gargamel Wino anymore. I would probably be knocked out of my chair if I read she turned down booze at a bar. That’s the only thing.

I just don’t understand how she can still snort shit without it spilling all over the table. Her fucking nasal cavity must be like the Grand Canyon. It’s just one big reservoir in there. She eats a sandwich and it comes out of her nose. She snorts vodka and it comes out of her ears. Wino has to plug every hole just to get a decent line in.

How I wish this was on video. I could watch it over and over and over again. Oh how I’d laugh.

It’s My Little Pony Parker falling on her annoying ass while shooting for Vogue with Annie Leibovitz outside Lincoln Center in NYC. I hope Annie took a few shots of Pony going down, because that’s the cover right there!

Lisa Marie Presley has confirmed to People that she’s knocked up with child number three. This is her first kid with her 4th husband, Michael Lockwood. Lisa has two kids from a previous marriage. It’s a pity she never had a kid with Michael Jackson. Yeah, I guess if you have to fuck in order for that to happen.

Lisa’s rep said, “The couple are incredibly overjoyed.” Just once I’d like to hear a rep say, “It’s a band-aid baby.”

Congrats to Lisa! Yet another Scientology baby will enter the world! They will grow up and rant and rave to us about the dangers of everything. I’m sure Tommy Girl is praying for a boy, so he can arrange a marriage to his Suri Cruise.

The Commish not only extended Daddy Spears reign as HBIC of Britney Spears’ finances and other shit, but she also ruled that daddy can take $2,500 a week from her accounts as conservator. Basically, he’s getting paid $10,000 a month to take care of his daughter. The Commish also gave Daddy Spears permission to lease a car. Lamborghini dealer here we come!

A lot of people are pissed off, because they think Daddy Spears should take care of his for daughter free. If you ask me, he should be getting $2,500 an hour. Look at where Britney was and look at where she is now. Maybe daddy is losing work, because he has to deal with her ass all the time.

TMZ reports that daddy may want to end his conservatorship before July 31st is Brit gets her crap together.

Hopefully, daddy will take some of that dough and buy some new clothes. His Burlington Coat Factory wardrobe is not working.