The Olive Garden is one of the only places in NYC that you can sit down and have a full meal for under $10. This is why it’s like my church. The waiter always gives me the “huff” and “eye roll” when I order this shit, but I don’t give a fuck.

Kendra of the “Girls Next Door” also feels the love for OG and that is why she’s decided to hold a Playboy casting call for Olive Garden waitresses. WTF! Kendra is always coming up with the classiest ideas.

Kendra wrote on her MySpace that she will hand-pick the winners for the exclusive Playboy Olive Garden pictorial.

To be considered, you must submit the following:

-At least two photos: one head shot and one full-body shot (bikini or nude)
-A recent pay stub showing proof of current employment at Olive Garden
-A clear and legible photocopy of a government-issued photo ID proving you are 18 or older.

You must also prove that you can shove an entire OG breadstick up your hooha.

This is going to be an ultra sexy photo shoot. Nothing is hotter than a pair of plastic tits hanging over a plate of Seafood Alfredo.

Click here to apply

VIA ONTD

A Florida plastic surgeon, Dr. Michael Salzhauer, is putting out a children’s book this mother’s day that explains why mommy has new tits, nose and a stretched out face. Dr. Michael wrote the book, because a lot of his patients didn’t know how to talk to their kids about their “new look.”

Newsweek writes:

My Beautiful Mommy is aimed at kids ages four to seven and features a plastic surgeon named Dr. Michael (a musclebound superhero type) and a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is getting a smaller tummy: ‘You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn’t fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better.’ Mom comes home looking like a slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and around her waist”

Naturally, it has a happy ending: mommy winds up “even more” beautiful than before, and her daughter is thrilled.

One patient of Dr. Michael claims the book helped her son deal with her tummy tuck. She said he actually talked about it openly at a party. He said, “Did you see her new belly button? It’s so pretty!” That boy sounds creeeepier than Suri Cruise!

Now I know what to get Nicole Kidman for her baby shower!

It makes sense that the Dr. Michael in the book has such a small head, because bitch has no brains. Does he dedicate a chapter to “Why can’t mommy move her fucking face?!” or “Why did that lady call mommy a plastic slut?”

VIA Jezebel

Thanks Mike

STFU: Jordan thinks big tits are out of fashion – Holy Moly!

The Grilled Cheese Invitational!!! – Boing Boing

Madonna is mad at the dirt – Towleroad

Alicia Keys will get married this year…to a man – I’m Not Obsessed

Ann Coulter is naked….sort of – Celebitchy

Justin Bobby should stick to his non-existent day job – ICYDK

Kimora Lee Simmons doesn’t want to look like the sausage lady of the jungle – Crunk + Disorderly

George Clooney is once again talking about Brangie. George is the world’s #1 Brangaloonie.

Georgie told Heat Magazine that hanging around Brad and Angie’s 10 thousand kids makes him not want to have children of his own. “Even one kid running around my villa makes me nervous, so I’m definitely not a candidate for father of the year! If I need to surround myself with children and feel like I have this big extended family, I can always call Brad and Angie and ask them to stay with me, just to remind me why I’m so happy without.”

Although, he won’t be asking them to stay with him in Italy this Summer. “I really don’t have enough space for all their children. Also, Brad and Angelina need a security deal of about 20 guys wearing dark suits and carrying walkie-talkies, and that tends to attract attention.”

Screaming children don’t bother me. That’s what cupboards, duct tape and booze are for. I use those things on myself! Not the children! What do you take me for?

George just needs to chop his nuts off already. He’s made it loud and clear that he doesn’t want any babies. Get the snip, because Sarah Larson is setting her trap.

Source

Ok, he doesn’t really get the “hot” chicks, but he gets the young ones. David Cross from Mr. Show and Arrested Development was reportedly making out with Amber Tamblyn at a movie premiere. Yeah, the chick from Joan of Arcadia. SUCIO! He’s 43 and she’s 23.

A witness told P6 they”were definitely together, making out and barely came up for air the whole night.” I don’t get when people say “they barely came up for air.” Making out for a long period of time can get kind of gross. I mean, you can’t really breathe, sometimes snots form and the saliva can get stale. It can become a mess. That’s why you have to break it up with butt rimming. Tongue to ass then tongue to mouth. I’ll stop.

Amber reminds me of this chick in high school that had an affair with one of the teachers. She was one of those girls that looked completely boring and useless on the outside, but on the inside she was a total freak with major daddy issues. The girl even got pregnant on purpose! When the teacher called the affair off, she went to the Principal and got his ass arrested. She was my idol at the time.

Ashley Jizzzdale has reportedly been handed an axe and will help in butchering 1989’s “Teen Witch.” The Jizz is in talks to star in a remake about an unpopular high school girl that finds out she’s descended from the witches of Salem and has inherited their powers. The original starred Robyn Lively.

Variety reports that a script has not been written.

Is nothing sacred anymore? Hollywood is now getting into dangerous territory in remaking movies from the late 80s! They are fucking with people’s childhoods here. It’s not funny and it’s not right.

I’m okay with The Jizz in those High School Musical movies, but she needs to keep her clit nose out of everything else. Besides, she’s not even a teenager! Can’t we get her on a technicality?

And I doubt the remake will be able to create magical moments from Teen Witch like this one: