The blacklist at the admissions office of Heaven just got a lot, lot longer with the names of the evil morons who dared to vote against Cynthia Nixon for governor of New York. A vote against Cynthia Nixon is a vote against Rojo Caliente, and a vote against Rojo Caliente is a vote against everything that is good and holy. Those dumb fucks are going to realize they made a mistake when they end up in Hell and find out that the only thing served in the Ninth Circle cafeteria is Sandra Lee’s Kwanzaa Cake.

As we all know, Cynthia is running for governor of New York against the current governor of New York, Mr. Sandra Lee (aka Andrew Cuomo). I’m not a Citizen of New York anymore and Cynthia isn’t really qualified to be the head of NY, but she still has definitely won my vote for three reasons: 1. She’s married to ginger angel Rojo Caliente. 2. She wants to legalize the good shit there. 3. She’s married to ginger angel Rojo Caliente.

Cynthia has been running as an anti-establishment Democrat, and her message is that New York needs a big change. The New York Democratic Party probably shook with fear over “big change” and continued to show that they’re allergic to shaking shit up by overwhelmingly voting to endorse Cuomo. Who cares about them! Cynthia Nixon has already won the support of Samantha Jones and that’s the only endorsement that matters!

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The NYDN really needs to check their lipstick before they start reporting highly important news. Referring to Rojo Caliente as “wife of Cynthia Nixon” is not the way you refer to the flaming torch of the five boroughs that spreads light all over NYC. Every news journal should refer to Rojo as “The sparkling ginger unicorn of NYC in a Men’s Wearhouse suit that fills the heart veins of millions with liquid rainbows.” If that title is too long, they need to get bigger paper! You don’t call Rojo “the wife of so and so.” They’re treating our American pot of gold like she’s Jessica Biel or some shit. Illegal, disrespectful and every kind of wrong!

Irresponsible journalism aside, the NYDN reports that Rojo is now part of Mayor de Blasio’s administration and she’ll bring in $120,000 a year as a special adviser for community partnerships in the Department of Education. Rojo’s duties will include a bunch of special adviser shit, but mostly she’ll serve the community by being Rojo and every other day she’ll stand in the park and let the people take in the sunshiney rays that shoot off of her hair.

Rojo and Cynthia Nixon have been on Team de Blasio for almost 10 years and Rojo was a full-time volunteer on his campaign.

Somebody, who obviously hates me, told me that I should get more exercise, so I’ve been trying to run around the block a few times a week. I hate it, my body hates it. Every part of me hurts afterward and it feels like I just got a 100-man train ran on me. (Side note: Remind me to look up if getting a 100-man train ran on me burns more calories than running around the block. I might have to change my exercise plan.) After my run around the block, I “cool down” by lying on the grass and then I wait for death. But now I have a very good reason to pull myself off the grass and keep on living. Because Rojo is special adviser today, which means she’ll probably be Mayor of New York City in 2017, which means she’ll most likely be President in 2024!

And here’s our future leader and first lady at some political event thing two nights ago:

ROJO 2024!

(Thanks to everyone who sent this in!)

That moment when Cynthia Nixon once again realizes that she’s married to the human form of a sun’s ray Rojo Caliente.

Every now and again her down low parts remind her that she gets spoon to with Rojo Caliente almost anytime she wants. It’s not only a natural reaction, it’s the only reaction. This is the O faces to end all O faces and it’s totally Rojo’s doing.

That’s a face that says, “Get the mop and all the sponges.” I’m making that same face right now, because it’s the face I always make when my eyeballs take in the pure hotness of Rojo Caliente. But then again, I’m pretty much always making that glory hole face, because I always like to be ready.

Here’s Rojo and Cynthia Nixon at the US Open today. Those people around them must be dead inside, because why are they giving their attention to a stupid ass tennis match instead of the ginger goddess Rojo Caliente? They should be bowing before her and giving her their firstborn as an offering.

Pics: Splash

Here’s the First Ladies of the Ginger Gayelles posing for their official wedding portrait, which I’m hoping they gave to People in exchange for a generous donation to the Save The Gingers Foundation. For the most important royal wedding in history, Cynthia Nixon wore a custom made pale green Carolina Herrera dress and Rojo Caliente wore a custom made suit from Men’s Warehouse and a tie from Friar Tux’s Lucky Bitch collection. They chose green as their wedding color to remind us all that Cynthia’s the second luckiest human alive for getting to curl up into Rojo’s piping hot arms at night and Rojo is the first luckiest human alive for getting to be Rojo Caliente!

This beautiful portrait is really what you find in the bottom of a pot at the end of the rainbow. A glossy copy of this stunning portrait is the prize you get when you turn a four leaf clover into your local lottery office. The next time I go to a Home Depot, I better see this picture in stained glass on all their front windows. It’s that magical and that holy. I think I just had an SM (spiritual movement)!

Duchess Kate and Prince William’s tiny little vow exchange in that small church has been knocked down to the second most important royal wedding of this century now that Rojo Caliente and her ginger queen are married! Even though I haven’t even seen one picture from the ceremony and they could’ve gotten married in the break room of a Subaru dealership for all I know, I can still say this it was the most beautiful and greatest wedding of all-time! I was going to pour a little ginger beer in my morning coffee anyway, but now I have a real reason to do so. Cynthia Nixon’s rep tells People that after being engaged for 3 years, she can now say the words millions of people wish they could say, Rojo Caliente is her lawfully wedded wife!

“On May 27, 2012, Cynthia Nixon and her girlfriend, Christine Marinoni, were legally married in the state of New York. Nixon wore a custom dress by Carolina Herrera.”

Cynthia’s rep says “On May 27, 2012 Cynthia Nixon and her girlfriend, Rojo Caliente, were legally married” but I say, “On May 27, 2012 the sanctity of marriage got a ginger breath of life!!!!!!”

This is the reason why the sun shines on all of us in NYC today. Not because there’s no clouds or anything. But because the humanized form of one its rays, Rojo Caliente, married the woman she loves. Congingerlations to our new reigning ginger gayelle queens and my favorite couple next to vodka and soda. This news calls for a soundtrack!

The New York Senate voted 33-29 to become the 6th state in the country to legalize same-sex marriage and now I don’t have much time to get a part-time job as a catering waiter so I can serve saw dust canapes and Red Hots margaritas at Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon’s wedding!

It will now go to Governor Cuomo’s desk and he will sign it using a ginger pen (in honor Rojo, of course) as the First Lady of New York Sandra Lee pours him a Gay Pride cocktail made of melted rainbow sherbet and Strawberry Hill. Rojo can become an exquisite summer bride in 30 days. It truly is cocktail time! From CNN:

New York legislators cleared the last major hurdle to legalize same-sex marriage Friday when the state Senate followed the Assembly’s lead in approving legislation to do so.

Earlier in the day, the Assembly passed a version of the bill that included an amendment about religious institutions. The Friday night vote in the Senate means the legislation’s fate is now in the hands of Gov. Andrew Cuomo, who proposed it.

The Senate vote came after lawmakers agreed on an amendment that would help protect religious institutions from potential lawsuits, Senate Majority Leader Dean Skelos said.

And I PRAY that some Prop 8 shit doesn’t happen to New York. My eyes just can’t swallow the sight of more topless famewhores with tape on their mouths and Sharpie marks on their faces. THINK OF THE DUCT TAPE!