Open Post: Hosted By Sarah Polley Getting April Fool’d By Her 11-Year-Old Daughter With A Fake Letter Telling Her To Return Her Oscar

April 3, 2023 / Posted by:

Saturday was April Fool’s Day, aka Prankster’s Christmas. Recent Oscar winner Sarah Polley has three kids, so she was always going to fall victim to some kind of prank; saran wrap in the doorway, toothpaste in the Oreos, loosening the top on the salt shaker, etc. But, this year, Sarah’s 11-year-old daughter, Eve, decided to kick things up a notch. Deadline reports that Eve sent her mom a fake letter from David Rubin, former president of the Academy, informing Sarah that her Oscar win for Best Adapted Screenplay was a mistake and she must return it. “David” writes that, in hindsight, the Academy should have told Sarah the moment they realized their error, but they did not want another “Year of the Moonlight.” Hey, I think a giant public fuck-up woulda made this year’s Oscars more interesting, but to each their own, David Rubin!

Sarah uploaded a picture of the letter to her socials on Saturday morning with the caption, “My eleven-year-old swung low for April Fools Day this year.” Here’s the post:

And here’s the letter in full, with my thoughts and some much-needed paragraph breaks (David Rubin likes writing in one giant chunk):

Dear Sarah Polley, we say this to you with the deepest regrets: the Oscar you received was given by mistake- you must return it. We are giving you one more week to enjoy its presence in your home, but after that period of time you must mail it back to LA, where we will give it to the rightful best adapted screenplay: All Quiet on the Western Front.

Damn, Sarah has to mail it back herself? And pay for the shipping and everything? Insult to injury. But don’t worry, the Academy is actually pretty sorry:

We are sorry for your loss, but it is only fair that the play with the real best adapted screenplay gets the Oscar. In hindsight, we should have told you when we realized it, on the night on which the Oscar was given, but you must understand that we did not want another “Year of the Moonlight”, and we also did not want it to get all over your local news, as the citizens of Toronto would probably be quite irritated, and we do not want this news getting out.

David’s right. Torontonians would be pissed. When Sarah won, people at my Oscar party in Toronto went wild. Sarah Polley is a hometown hero! And didn’t All Quiet on the Western Front get Germany enough Oscars? David continues:

We feel it is wrong you get this note on April 1st, (Although we do not know you will, we sent it on express mail, so our estimates show it will reach you around then) as you probably think it is a joke, and we feel that is wrong, so another letter will be sent, probably in this week or the nest, assuring you that this is not a joke. This is much too cruel to be a joke, ergo we deeply apologize for any inconvenience we may have caused you.

We will also be sending you an email- the only reason we didn’t do that in the first place was because it was “Take Your Child to Work” day, and Joe’s daughter insisted we send a letter to be formal.

Again, sorry for any inconvenience.

Sincerely, David Rubin

[David Rubin’s “signature”]

Very nice work! The messy adult signature, the odd detail about some dude named Joe’s daughter, the use of $4 words like “hindsight” and “ergo”! My only criticism is the repeated insistence that the letter is “not a joke.” That’s a huge tip-off that it is, indeed, a joke. But, for an eleven-year-old, this is top-notch trickery! I take my prankster’s hat (a propeller beanie) off to you, Eve. God speed.

Pic: PA Images/INSTARimages

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