People Keep Pooping During Performances Of Broadway’s “Some Like It Hot”, And Last Week It Happened Near Hillary And Chelsea Clinton

March 21, 2023 / Posted by:

Last week, Hillary Clinton and Chelsea Clinton went to the Shubert Theatuhhh on Broadway to see the new musical adaptation of Some Like It Hot. Unfortunately, this lovely mother-daughter outing was soiled by a nefarious Number 2-er! Page Six reports that, when the lights came up at intermission, two “human turds” appeared in the aisle “just near” Hillary and Chelsea. Two Clintons? Two poops? It doesn’t take the brilliant investigative mind of Nancy Drew Poo to deduce the identities of the deuce-droppers. LOCK HER(S) UP! But, according to the theater’s house manager, this is actually the fourth time someone has pooped during a performance of Some Like It Hot. So it sounds like we got ourselves a good ol’ fashioned phantom pooper.

At first, a source close to the show tried to convince Page Six that this was a “regrettable one-off incident”:

“Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience,” said a source, “the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo.” The insider added, “The house crew dealt with it very appropriately and quickly, and Hillary and Chelsea remained in the theater for the second act.”

Another insider confirmed this version of events and blamed “an elderly person”:

A source close to the show confirmed the incident, telling Page Six, “There was an incident when Hillary Clinton and Chelsea attended. It was an elderly person and it’s rather sad, but yes, the house staff worked quickly to help resolve the situation and Act II started as scheduled.”

But WAIT. Apparently, an eyewitness spoke to the house manager, who revealed that this was actually the fourth time something like this had happened:

The source wildly speculated, “There is someone who is either s–tting in the aisle, or surreptitiously dumping defecation that they smuggled into the theater.”

Wait. So these could be old poops someone is dropping in the aisle? How do they smuggle them in? Tupperware? Tin foil? Or do they just keep them in their pants and shake ’em out while walking down the aisle? Honestly, that might make more sense than fresh poops, cuz wouldn’t a live defecation attract a ton of attention?

Page Six reached out to the Clintons for a comment (HA!), but they wisely ignored the request. Here’s Hil giving a thumb’s up on the show’s official Instagram page:

I hope the Front of House staff has informed the musical’s cast about this unfortunate situation. Cuz there’s nothing worse than being on stage and hearing audience members whispering stuff like, “This show STINKS!” and “It’s literally SHIT!”

Pic: Marion Curtis/StarPix/ Images

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