Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Totally Not Creepy Remote Kissing Device For Long-Distance Lovahs!
Good news for long-distance lovers who are sick of constantly having to wipe the dried saliva (and other) marks from their phones from tongue-ing the screen while “making out” with their piece. Inventors at Changzhou Vocational Institute of Mechatronic Technology in China must have watched that tongue telephone scene from Nightmare on Elm Street one too many times because they have invented a device for long-distance sweethearts to “kiss each other” with. Oh yeah, I’m sure “kissing” is what horny long-distance hos are going to use that thing for.
CNN says that this kissing mess, which looks like cut-off FleshLights glued to bootleg iPhones, uses “pressure sensors and actuators” to replicate the movement, temperature, and pressure of a user’s kiss for their kissing partner. And if that isn’t gross enough, it can also mimic the sound of the kiss. FOR WHY?! The way it works is that both lovers download an app and then plug the device into their phones. They then start a video call and get their kissing on by putting their mouth on those puffy silicone lips from the depths of HELL (and since I put it that way, that thing can also double as a Kylie Jenner kissing device). Here’s that David Cronenberg-esque fuckery tool in action:
This device invented for long distance lovers to kiss pic.twitter.com/cWxCy08wp3
— Science girl (@gunsnrosesgirl3) February 25, 2023
That is the unsexiest thing I’ve seen all week, and that’s saying a lot since last night I glanced at a half-naked me eating a pork rind in the bathroom mirror while going to turn on the shower. The lead inventor claims he got the idea from being in a long-distance relationship. Uh-huh…
“In my university, I was in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend so we only had contact with each other through the phone. That’s where the inspiration of this device originated,” Jiang Zhongli, the leading inventor of the design, was cited as saying by the Global Times.
It said Jiang had applied for a patent in 2019 but the patent ended in January 2023 and Jiang now hoped someone else could expand on and perfect the design.
That creepy shit isn’t only for long-distance couples; single tricks can use it too. The app has a “kissing square” feature that allows users to match anonymously and skip most of the first date by kissing. It’s already on sale for $41 on the Chinese shopping site Taobao.
As I said above, we all know that more than just face lips are going to touch that thing. We also know that it’s only a matter of time before a full-service version is released that lets people kiss, suck, and rim from afar. And maybe that could work when used with a dating app. I mean, it’d make Grindr hook-ups a lot easier since you can get a salad tossing from a stranger without either of you leaving the house. And whoever said that romance is dead needs to talk to the inventors at Changzhou Vocational Institute since they are obviously keeping romance alive!
Pic: Twitter