There Will Be A “Crisis Team” Set Up For This Year’s Academy Awards
This year, a new award will be introduced at the Oscars called “I Wish A Mutha Fucka WOULD!” because the Academy isn’t interested in impromptu slaps and belligerent curse outs during this year’s broadcast. Of course, you know I’m referring to you know who, so let’s just keep his name out of our mouths today. But the Academy realizes their audience members and home viewers shouldn’t be exposed to unwarranted fits of violence, so they are implementing a crisis team to help deal with anything that would be deemed inappropriate for this year’s show.
Variety reports there will be no surprises allowed at this year’s ceremony because once someone gets slapped during what’s supposed to be a classy affair, it’s only downhill from there. But not on their watch! During an interview with Time, Academy CEO Bill Kramer admitted they dropped the ball last year but will NOT let that shit happen again. And not just because you know who won’t be in attendance, but in case anyone else is looking for the same type of year-long viral notoriety he achieved last year.
“We have a whole crisis team, something we’ve never had before, and many plans in place,” Kramer said. “We’ve run many scenarios. So it is our hope that we will be prepared for anything that we may not anticipate right now but that we’re planning for just in case it does happen.”
“Because of [the slap] last year, we’ve opened our minds to the many things that can happen at the Oscars,” Kramer continued. “But these crisis plans — the crisis communication teams and structures we have in place — allow us to say this is the group that we have to gather very quickly. This is how we all come together. This is the spokesperson. This will be the statement. And obviously depending on the specifics of the crisis, and let’s hope something doesn’t happen and we never have to use these, but we already have frameworks in place that we can modify.”
If we’re being completely honest, the only thing that’s been interesting about the Oscars in the past few years is the slap. So hopefully, this will be a one-time occurrence so they can leave room for more spontaneity in 2024. However, I think everyone in attendance will be too scared to try anything stupid, especially with the addition of the Academy Slap Squad (or ASS). And I’m already picturing them dressed in all gold tracksuits and Ray-Ban sunglasses, ready to bounce rowdy attendees out on their ASS like any hole-in-the-wall club you’d find across America. Ah, stars. They’re just like us, after all.
Pic: INSTARImages