Hot Slut Of The Day!

Big John!

Oh, the 90s, always trying to find ways to outdo the 80s in the fuckery department. Case in point: In 1994, Parker Brothers must have thought to themselves, “You know, we need more products of fuckery that would fit right in at Spencer’s Gifts.” Because they created and sold, Big John, a toilet-based board game for kids. Hey, at least, they didn’t title it A Scat Queen’s Starter Kit.

During the mid-90s, kids could say, “What a shitty gift!”, while opening up Big John on Christmas morning and not mean it in a bad way. The way that mess of a game worked is that each player took turns hitting Big John’s spinner. Whatever number a player got is the number of “scuzzies” (aka little green balls) they had to put in Big John’s scuzzie hole and was also the number of times they had to hit his handle. Big John would either flush out scuzzies or not flush at all. The goal was to get all your scuzzies out of Big John. And yes, “scuzzies” were basically shit balls. And if you’re caca-ing out green balls that look like dehydrated peas, you should probably be visiting your doctor, not playing some weird ass board game! Here’s Big John in action:

If a parent in the 90s had a kid who couldn’t get enough of Big John, they could always gift their child with Big John “spin-off toys” like a plunger, a snake, and wrenches. And as their kid played with their Big John “spin-off toys,” the parent could print business cards for their kid’s new plumber business. I mean, if your kid is going to bring that mess into your house, the least they can do is pay for it!

Pic: eBay