Open Post: Hosted By Nick Cannon’s Spoof Christian Mingle Ad For Valentine’s Day
Ladies, if you’re ever on a dating app and see world re-population pioneer Nick Cannon as one of its users, delete the app as quickly as possible. Because once Nick’s super sperm takes your ovaries hostage, you’ll not only be forced to carry one of his children you will also be subjected to him telling you corny dad jokes for the rest of your life. If you need an example of how miserable you’ll be once that happens, Nick posted a cringeworthy Valentine’s Day video where he’s ready to terrorize the pious and holy single ladies of Christian Mingle. Not only by threatening to join but also by literally telling his future seed incubators how horribly he will treat them once he drops that dick on ’em.
BET reports Nick took to the calling card of hot sex and attention, Instagram, to lay out his honey trap for any lady that wants to be blown away by his big cannon. Nick has already impregnated six different women, including Mariah Carey, who probably wakes up every day hoping there won’t be another addition to Nick’s growing roster of children. However I believe that’s all going to change now that he is moving his talents over to Christian Mingle, where the end game is a love set with the parameters of the Bible. And if that’s the case, then Nick is ready to become their Messiah of Messiness.
Nick Cannon is ready for Valentine’s Day and shared a Christian Mingle Spoof ad on Friday (Feb. 10) to announce that he is “trying something new” and will look for love on the dating site.
“This year … I’m seeking womens. Multiple plurals. Womens,” the Masked Singer host, said in an Instagram video while playing the piano in a white suit.
Cannon also played it cool when asked about his “marital status” and family size.
He went on to joke about “spread[ing his] seed,” and said that was “just following the word. It’s bible baby.”
Even though I’m hoping this is a joke, I wouldn’t be surprised if Nick didn’t create a dummy account with the username lavish_loneliness. Because that’s what all of his ladies experience once the umbilical cord has been cut, and Nick disappears into the night looking for his next pregnancy partner.
Pic: Instagram