Here’s Taylor Swift’s Latest “Midnights” Video Release For “Lavender Haze”

January 27, 2023 / Posted by:

Only being a casual observer of Taylor Swift’s oeuvre, I have no option but to take her new video for Lavender Haze from the Midnights album at face value. However, according to Elle, “there are ample Easter eggs in it referencing her past, lyrics, and possible future music releases.” And in a way, that much was clear even for someone like me who is more familiar with Taylor’s work as a semi-professional litigant and in Cats. Taylor’s as rich as the day is long, so no matter the cost of eggs in #thesetryngtimes, it’s no wonder she’s been hoarding them for Lavender Haze. Because as far as I can tell, Taylor spends the entirety of the video crop-dusting her lover, herself, and her new Diversity 2.0 posse of pals with her visibly noxious, rotten Easter egg farts. I never want to hear about Taylor not sacrificing her vanity for her art ever again. She nasty!

Lavender Haze is the first track on Midnights, and the video she cooked up in her Dutch oven was “served up [as] a surprise treat for her fans” at the stroke of midnight. Here’s what she had to say about her midnight emissions on Twitter.

Taylor says she first heard the term Lavender Haze while watching Mad Men. Elle reports:

I looked it up because I thought it sounded cool. And it turns out that it’s a common phrase used in the ’50s where they would describe being in love. If you’re in the ‘lavender haze,’ then that meant you were in that all-encompassing love glow. And I thought that was really beautiful.”

She added, “I guess, theoretically, when you’re in the ‘lavender haze,’ you’ll do anything to stay there. And not let people bring you down off of that cloud. I think that a lot of people have to deal with this now, not just like ‘public figures,’ because we live in the era of social media, and if the world finds out if you’re in love with somebody they’re going to weigh in on it. Like my relationship for six years we’ve had to dodge weird rumors, tabloid stuff, and we just ignore it. So this song is about the act of ignoring that stuff to protect the real stuff.”

Only a true wordsmith like Swift can give you 300 different meanings for the word “stuff” using just the word “stuff.” HER MIND. Here’s the video. I’ll hip you to the supposed Easter eggs later. But what I will say is; at least Taylor was considerate enough to light a match before pooting the greatest poot to ever poot since 1972 when a man named Alvin Meshits (me shits you not) ripped a world record holding butt bomb that clocked in at 194 decibels. But Taylor’s an artist, first and foremost. So while her Lavender Haze is powerful enough to be seen and smelt from space, it’s not ear-splitting in the same way Mr. Meshits’ was.

And that, my friends, is how a lady (f)arts. But while you were busy imagining what Taylor ate to create such an intoxicating odor that an entire room full of diverse party-goers experienced collective amnesia about the video for You Need To Calm Down, Swifties were busy examining every frame in search for any meaning other than the obvious, which is, once again — She nasty! For example, where I see a goatse about to go down, Swifties see THE NUMBER 13 (AND OTHER NUMBERS):

Where I see signs of a messy bedroom that stinks, Swifties see signs of ASTROLOGY AND WITCHCRAFT:

Where I see a hot piece who was paid to hold their breath and flex to the beat of Taylor’s toots, Swities see REPRESENTATION:

OK, well, I see it now. My apologies. Hairy chest meat representation MATTERS. But where I see Taylor standing in front of a green screen “acting,” Swities see SHE-HULK.

I’m sure there are plenty more examples of Taylor’s genius that I missed, but I’m not wading through the twists and turns of her kaleidoscopic colon again to find out. Suffice to say, I think the reality is that Taylor’s Lavender Haze is stunning, visually and olfactorily.

Pic: YouTube

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