SCANDAL Followed Miss USA To The Miss Universe Pageant

January 16, 2023 / Posted by:

In October of last year, SCANDAL rocked the Miss USA pageant as Miss Texas, R’Bonney Gabriel, was crowned the winner amid accusations that the competition had been rigged in her favor. As a result, Crystle Stewart (a former Miss Texas herself) was suspended as the head of the Miss USA organization and an internal investigation was launched. Simultaneously, JKN Global, a Thai multinational corporation, acquired Miss Universe for $20 million. And for a time, it seemed, all had been forgotten, if not forgiven, as the newly crowned Miss USA boarded a rocket ship to the moon (by way of a convention center in New Orleans) to represent her country in last night’s Miss Universe pageant. However, it soon became clear that R’Bonney’s ship had a stowaway, as insidious as a virus and powerful enough to engulf the entire universe in its gaping maw.

Nation after nation watched in horror (by way of the Roku channel) as their representatives fell, one by one, each leaving little more than a stray bead, errant sequin or feral feather in her wake. And as the pageantry concluded, only R’Bonney and Miss Venezuela Amanda Dudamel still stood to face one another in a final battle for universal supremacy. It was then that R’Bonney’s cursed passenger appeared, bursting forth from her LED chest plate like a face-sucking parasite from outer space, as its host was crowned the winner. SCANDAL was its name. And fucking shit up was its game. TMZ reports:

Anne Jakrajutatip — who’s the chief of JKN Global Group, which owns both Miss Universe and Miss USA — is being called out by dissatisfied fans online, who feel like the fact that she literally controls both competitions is a little suspect … not to mention where this was held.

For starters, Miss Universe was hosted in New Orleans — airing on Roku — and some claim the fix was in from the get-go to make sure R’Bonney Gabriel was crowned by the show’s ending … which did, in fact, happen. The runner-up was Miss Venezuela, Amanda Dudamel.

Dudamel impressed throughout the broadcast, especially with her heartfelt answers on certain questions. Her outfits were also less ridiculed than the ones Gabriel wore, particularly in the costume category … when she walked onstage with a WILD moon landing getup.

WILD? WILD, you say? Wilder than Miss Bolivia, who highlighted the exploitation of her country’s mineral wealth with a realistic tin turkey vulture perched on her head?

Wilder than Miss Germany, who acknowledged her empire’s sinister past by parading about with a mangled pussy, stroking Kunty Karl Lagerfeld’s legacy, Coupette, in effigy?

Wilder than Miss Guatemala, who paid tribute to her elders by strutting out on stage using the world’s most Glamorous Gilded Golden Girl’s walker?

Wilder than Miss Trinidad and Tobago, a literal GIANTESS her nation managed to hunt down, drug, capture, and train to stomp the house down (Miss Turkey for scale)? *I signed a disclosure promising not to show Miss Trinidad and Tobago’s face until she has been released back into her natural habitat.

So, really? Wilder than a 50-foot woman in outer space (by way of New Orleans Morial Convention Center presented by the Roku channel with promotional consideration by The Sash Company)? Well, I’ll let you be the judge (although I’m afraid, unlike at the Miss Universe pageant, it’s an unpaid position).

OK, so it’s a little wild, but I don’t see how it’s proof that the contest is fixed.

What I will say, though, is that there is a suspicious lack of entrants from planets not starting with the letter E, if you catch my drift. TMZ adds:

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