Hot Slut Of The Day!
Thor, the walrus whose masturbating and nap time got a fireworks show canceled!
Yesterday, my inbox was hit with emails about the horny walrus whose non-stop fapping messed with a resort town’s New Year’s Eve extravaganza. And I don’t know what that says about me. Actually, I do, but let’s not get into that right now because all the focus must be on this Don’t Give A Fuck legend!
The Herald Sun says that on New Year’s Eve, the seaside town of Scarborough in North Yorkshire, England, was supposed to bust out a fireworks show, but because Thor kept trying to bust a nut in public, they canceled it. They didn’t exactly cancel it because they didn’t want the eyes of innocent children to melt into a puddle of sin over watching a walrus do sex with himself (although, parents did cover their children’s eyes), the fireworks show was canceled, so as not to disturb Thor. That’s right! It’s Thor’s fapping world, and we’re all just living it. That means the phrase that pays, “let sleeping dogs lie,” should be replaced by, “let fapping walruses fap.”
Thor the walrus put on an X-rated show of his own — after his arrival put an end to a town’s New Year’s Eve fireworks display.
As huge crowds gathered to see the Arctic mammal lounging at a harbour, council officials axed the light show so he was not disturbed.
But parents had to cover their children’s eyes when the two-ton beast appeared to perform a solo sex act on the slipway on Saturday.
And yes, I Googled “do walruses masturbate?” and learned that they do! Here’s the late great Freya’s horny cousin having a funky good time by the water, if that’s what you want to see today:
@AnimalPlanet @ladbible
theres a walrus lost in scarborough. so hes just decided to knock one out in front of us all on the pier. no fucks given 😆 #wankingwalrus pic.twitter.com/lmjp9b6lp4— robbie (@mediumsoup) December 31, 2022
As most of us do, Thor followed up fuck time for one by taking a nap!
Small Town Cancels NYE Fireworks So Walrus Can Sleep Peacefully In Harbor https://t.co/9JODrJTbsH pic.twitter.com/CYQueI0cLg
— biz4goodshow (@biz4goodshow) January 4, 2023
At the time, the local aquarium let people know that they were watching Thor (pervs) and asked everyone to leave him alone.
“Please do not worry — he appears well and is just taking a well-deserved rest after his long adventure. Be respectful of his rest and try not to disturb him.”
Thor didn’t stay around for long. He quit that bitch later into New Year’s Eve.
I spent my New Year’s Eve in a See’s Candies-induced half-coma while watching the bizarre sight of David Byrne yodeling with a Top Ramen-topped Sia, so I thought I had the best New Year’s Eve, but I was wrong. Thor has me beat (pun intended). I mean, he crashed a New Year’s Eve fireworks show, put on a fap show, passed out, got the show canceled, and then left town without a care in the world. Now THAT is a New Year’s Eve.
Pic: Twitter