Jeremy Renner Shared A Selfie From His Hospital Bed As More Details On His Accident Come To Light

January 4, 2023 / Posted by:

Shoobop, a-boopie-bop I gotta teeeeell you” that Jeremy Renner is gonna make it! The universe, in all her great wisdom, has spared Jeremy’s life and in doing so, has given the white boy scat community renewed hope for respect as we enter 2023, which will hopefully to be the year Jeremy gives up acting for good to concentrate on his career as a rock and roll idol for the Jeep Grand Cherokee set. Three days following a terrifying New Year’s Day snow plow accident which led to Jeremy being airlifted from his Lake Tahoe home for emergency surgery, Marvel’s Hawkeye, and more importantly, Mr. Main Attraction himself posted a selfie to Instagram from his hospital bed, letting us know he’s still got what it takes to become America’s Next Great Car Commercial Crooner. Look, when the universe sends you a sign as strong and clear as dropping a 15,000-pound snowcat on your ass, you better take heed and get your busted ass into the studio to lay down some fresh tracks!

According to People, Jeremy “broke his silence” yesterday, which is pretty rude, considering. I’m sure Jeremy would have gathered all his stank and belted out a super funky “I’m OKay-dillo Day-o!” sooner, if he wasn’t otherwise occupied having his massive crush injuries repaired. In his post, Jeremy let us know that “he’s too messed up now to type,” which means he’s probably also still too messed up to apply his rock ‘n roll eyeliner correctly. So please excuse his appearance. Hopefully, he’ll be Back in Black in no time. And by that, I obviously mean his iconic standing in the middle of a deserted highway glittery black smoking jacket. Here’s Jeremy letting us know he’s still got lives to change and hearts to inspire!

As of yesterday, Jeremy was still in critical but stable condition and has so far undergone surgery to address “blunt chest trauma and orthopedic injuries.” The accident is still under investigation, but the Washoe Nevada Sheriff’s Department has indicated that despite Jeremy being one of these “Glamorous, Hollywood rock and roll types” (sadly, emphasis mine), no funky business is suspected. According to People:

Local authorities are sharing details from Jeremy Renner’s “tragic accident” that happened while clearing snow on New Year’s Day.

Washoe County Sheriff Darin Balaam said in a press conference Tuesday that Renner, 51, was helping a family member get a “stuck” vehicle out of the estimated 3 feet of snowfall from the night before.

“Mr. Renner went to retrieve his PistenBully, or snowcat — an extremely large piece of snow-removal equipment weighing at least 14,330 pounds — in an effort to get his vehicle moving. After successfully towing his personal vehicle from its stuck location, Mr. Renner got out of his PistenBully to speak to his family member,” said Balaam.

“At this point, it is observed that the PistenBully started to roll. In an effort to stop the rolling PistenBully, Mr. Renner attempts to get back into the driver’s seat of the PistenBully. Based on our investigation, it’s at this point that Mr. Renner is run over by the PistenBully.”

Balaam added that “at this point in the investigation we do not believe Mr. Renner was impaired at all, and we believe this is a tragic accident.

“The investigation is ongoing, however, we do not suspect any foul play. I’ll repeat that: We do not suspect any foul play. We believe this was a tragic accident.”

And thank god for that. The last thing we need is for Jeremy’s accident to derail his next chapter. So, it is with great patience that we must wait for him to make a fuller recovery before he can get the Jeremy Renner app back up and running. Trust me, you won’t want to miss a single push notification. Just to give you a heads up; we might be in store for more Rennersauce than you think! Jeremy may be bedridden for some time yet, and there just so happens to be a Twitter-shaped void in our social media landscape. Why stop at chart domination when world domination is within your reach? The Lohannaissance was so 2022. Let us prepare for The Great Rennerssance to come!


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