Archives: December 2022
John Stamos Tells Dax Shepard He Almost Went On A Date With Kristen Bell, But Felt He Was “Too Old”
People reports that John Stamos went on Dax Shepard’s podcast, Armchair Expert, and spilled some extremely cold tea. John reveals that, back in 2005, he was almost set up with Dax’s wife, Kristen Bell. This was news to Dax, who met Kristen in 2007. Unfortunately for Kristen (gimme that Greek hunk over “comedian” Dax any day!), John, then 42, decided not to pursue things because he thought he was “too old” for the then-25-year-old Kristen. How refreshing! Except, um, John’s current wife, Caitlin McHugh Stamos, is 36 years old. This makes her a full six years younger than now-42-year-old Kristen and 23 years younger than 59-year-old John. D’oh!
Open Post: Hosted By The Tasmanian Devil Who Was Mistaken For A Dog Toy
Picture it — you’re Kirsten Lynch from Hobart, the capital of the Australian island state of Tasmania. You’re hanging out at home, around 10 pm on Wednesday, when your four-month golden retriever lets out a “very strange bark.” So, you run downstairs to grab your puppy’s Tasmanian devil-shaped plush toy. Suddenly, this “toy” scurries away before you can grab it. Oh shit. Has the toy become sentient a la Toy Story? Or is this an actual Tasmanian devil? Luckily for Kirsten (or unluckily, depending on how you look at it), it was the latter. A Tasmanian devil had broken into her house!
James Cameron “Mourns” All The Movies He Didn’t Make While Focused On The “Avatar” Sequels
Avatar: The Way Of Water has already made $1 billion at the worldwide box office, and apparently, this successful action movie was all done with James Cameron specifically editing out over 10 minutes of footage because he doesn’t want to contribute to glorifying gun violence. Wow… it’s actually inconceivable there is any more footage that can exist of this 3-hour and 12 minutes-long movie. Just how fucking long was this thing going to be before it got edited down? James also put on his mourning veil over the loss of all the movies he wasn’t able to make because his brain was deep in everything Na’vi.
With An Assist From Greta Thunberg, “Alpha Male” Andrew Tate’s “Clap Back” Pizza May Have Delivered Him To Romanian Authorities For Questioning About A Human Trafficking Ring
It’s easy to get discouraged by the state of the world in #thesecontinuedtryingtimes, but much like that wise woman of song and science, Dr. Whitney Houston, I too believe the children are our future. After all, Whitney’s paradigm of progenic potential has already come to pass. Case in point: Former child, environmental activist, and 2019’s Time Magazine Person of the Year, Greta Thunberg, now 19, may be single-handedly responsible for facilitating one of the greatest self-own’s in modern history. And in doing so, has successfully neutralized one of the world’s most noxious sources of pollution, “alpha male influencer” Andrew Tate. And as a bonus, she’s taken 33 gas-guzzling automobiles off our roads and into the custody of the Romanian police force.
Kim Kardashian Said She Wants To Get Married Again During An Interview On The Goop Podcast
It’s always a fun time when two of the world’s foremost nepo babies of privilege can get together for a little chat about love, life, and whatever else they tend to discuss. As always, Gwyneth Paltrow is leaning on one of her rich and uninteresting friends to appear on her GOOP podcast. This time she invited Kim Kardashian, who has been making her podcast rounds as of late because attention is her best friend. And although Kim’s face is slowly morphing into Cher’s her real icon must be Elizabeth Taylor because Kim admits even after her doomed marriage to Kanye West, she’s taking a few years off before heading down the aisle for the fourth time.
Steven Tyler’s Being Sued For Allegedly Sexually Assaulting A Minor In The 1970s And Coercing Her Into Having An Abortion
No, that isn’t your self-proclaimed “Cool Aunt Jacqui” cosplaying as a constipated Captain Jack Sparrow; it’s a smug Steven Tyler trying not to let on that he’s about to soil his drawers while pondering the possible consequences of his actions as a fully-grown man back in 1973. Julia Holcomb is suing Steven for sexual assault, sexual battery, and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Steven “allegedly” (but he wrote about it in his memoir and included it in an Aerosmith book, too…) began a three-year sexual relationship with a then 16-year-old Julia. She also alleges that he coerced her into getting an abortion.