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The iconic Paul Masson “French champagne” commercial starring Orson Welles!
If you can’t look at a bottle of fine “French champagne” (read: André, Barefoot Bubbly, Martini & Rossi) without proclaiming, “Aaaaaaahhhh… the FrenCHhhhhhh,” then the iconic outtakes from Orson Welles’ commercial for cheap bubbly is a permanent resident in your brain. The commercial and the commercial’s hilariously messy outtakes are over 40 years old, but they continue to live on and inspire everything from music remixes to episodes of The Critic. Shit is a classic because it’s the corner where A Check Is A Check and Don’t Give A Fuck meet.
During the ’70s and early ’80s, Orson Welles couldn’t land a director job from a studio, so he funded his own projects. To do that and also pay his bills, Orson became me whenever I go on Grindr. He never turned down an offer. Orson hawked everything from frozen peas (that clip also includes an I QUIT THIS BITCH moment from Orson) to board games to whisky to shredded wheat to Perrier. But one of the most infamous pairings was between Orson and California-based Paul Masson wines. There’s an entire Wikipedia page on the saga that was the Masson x Welles collaboration. From 1978 to 1981, Orson was the face of Paul Masson wines and made several commercials for them. Orson was difficult from the start. Basically, if Ryan Murphy is looking for a subject for a season of Feud, he should look no further than Orson Welles vs. Paul Masson wines.
In 1980, Orson filmed a commercial for Paul Masson’s French champagne-inspired “California champagne,” which I guess is what you drink if you’re California sober. The making and outtakes of the commercial are more famous than the commercial itself. Three outtakes have been making the rounds for years. The first outtake shows Orson sitting at a table with a couple and a bottle of Paul Masson “champagne.” After the director yells, “ACTION!” Orson’s eyes continue to glaze over as he stays in his own personal world called NotKnowingWhatThe FuckIsGoingOnVille. When Orson gets a verbal nudge, he comes slightly back to life and slurs out, “Jusss dew enything?” That’s pretty much a drunken me when my sister says, “It’s your turn,” during a long ass game of Monopoly. In the second outtake, Orson starts off with the legendary, “Aaaaaaahhhh… the FrenCHhhhhhh,” line before turning the script into a word salad. And in the third outtake, Orson kicks that mess off by slurring out, “Mwwaaaaahhh… the French..” The second and third outtakes end with the director putting an end to Orson’s incoherent ramblings.
The real MVP of these outtakes is the actor holding the bottle of Paul Masson champagne. Dude is trying so hard not to make eye contact with Orson because we’re all told never to make eye contact with a bear, especially a drunken one!
Those outtakes should’ve been the commercial itself. It would’ve been the perfect drunken ad for booze. But here’s the boring and cleaned-up finished commercial for the Emily in Paris of champagnes:
For years, the story was that Orson was every shade of drunk while filming the commercial, and those slur-filled outtakes seem to confirm it. BUT WAIT, Peter Shillingford, who was assistant director on that commercial, talked to the Orson Welles fan site, Wellesnet, last year to clear things up. Peter claims that Orson wasn’t fucked up on booze; he was fucked up on sleeping pills. According to Peter, on the morning of the shoot, Orson took a sleeping pill so he could get in a power nap during the ride from Las Vegas, where he was filming something, to Los Angeles, where the commercial was shot. Orson was a mess, which pissed off ad execs, but he got it together after getting a few Zzzzzs.
“He was not drunk… if you spend a day wired from filming 12 hours, then take a pill it ain’t gonna work… till later!,” Shillingford said.
On the day of the infamous “French champagne” shoot at a Los Angeles mansion, Welles’ limousine arrived late.Welles was mumbling. He explained to Shillingford had been in Las Vegas the previous night filming and camera problems delayed work until dawn. He had taken a sleeping pill when he left Las Vegas to sleep during the limousine ride, but it had only just begun kicking in. Peter Shillingford, right, with Orson Welles during the filming of a Paul Masson wine commercial.
“I am completely scrambled,” Welles told Shillimgford. “What do you suggest?” Welles attempted three takes to poor results and the dismay of the ad agency reps. (The embarrassing footage, originally passed around for years on VHS tapes, has since gone viral and inspired numerous “Ah, the French” memes.)
Shillingford arranged for Welles to nap in one of the mansion bedrooms for a few hours in hopes of salvaging the shoot. Awakened and his clothes freshened, Welles completed the shoot. “Within the hour we have the commercial in the can,” Shillingford said. “I call it a wrap and the guests applaud the great man.”
Orson went on to make a few more commercials for Paul Masson before their beautifully messy partnership came to end.
I’m going to bring the energy of those Orson Welles/Paul Masson outtakes into my New Year’s Eve celebrations and other get-togethers. Anytime the party conversation veers into shit I don’t want to talk about, like politics or why I have a coughing fit every time I come back from the bathroom (SPOILER ALERT: it’s where I take quick vape hits), I’m going to quickly change the subject by channeling Orson Welles and saying, “Aaaaaaahhhh… the FrenCHhhhhhh.” Happy New Year, everyone!
Pic: YouTube