With An Assist From Greta Thunberg, “Alpha Male” Andrew Tate’s “Clap Back” Pizza May Have Delivered Him To Romanian Authorities For Questioning About A Human Trafficking Ring

It’s easy to get discouraged by the state of the world in #thesecontinuedtryingtimes, but much like that wise woman of song and science, Dr. Whitney Houston, I too believe the children are our future. After all, Whitney’s paradigm of progenic potential has already come to pass. Case in point: Former child, environmental activist, and 2019’s Time Magazine Person of the Year, Greta Thunberg, now 19, may be single-handedly responsible for facilitating one of the greatest self-own’s in modern history. And in doing so, has successfully neutralized one of the world’s most noxious sources of pollution, “alpha male influencer” Andrew Tate. And as a bonus, she’s taken 33 gas-guzzling automobiles off our roads and into the custody of the Romanian police force.

On Wednesday, having been banned from Instagram, Facebook and TikTok, Andrew #tooktotwitter to ask Greta for her email address so he could send her a full accounting of his “enormous emissions,” citing his 33 luxury cars in lieu of a working penis. According to The Verve, Andrew, who was born in the US and has British citizenship, is currently living in Romania, along with his brother Tristan Tate, having fled the west presumably to avoid “‘MeToo era’ claims of sexual assault.” And now, thanks to his unquenchable thirst and love of pizza pie, he and Tristan have been detained by Romanian police for questioning in an ongoing investigation into organized crime, human trafficking, and rape. Here’s how it started:

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at [email protected] https://t.co/V8geeVvEvg

— Greta Thunberg (@GretaThunberg) December 28, 2022

Thank you for confirming via your email address that you have a small penis @GretaThunberg

The world was curious.

And I do agree you should get a life ❤️ https://t.co/mHmiKHjDGH pic.twitter.com/SMisajQRcf

— Andrew Tate (@Cobratate) December 28, 2022

And here’s how it’s going, thanks to Andrew’s inability to impress a Swedish 19-year-old. Andrew really should have consulted an expert beforehand. As if Leonardo Di Caprio hasn’t been offering free seminars for YEARS. The Verve reports:

He was led away from his home in Romania by police one day after his Twitter dustup with young environmental activist Greta Thunberg went viral, as he targeted her with a boast about his 33 cars and their “enormous emissions” while she remained unimpressed by the size. In a now-deleted YouTube video, Tate, who was born in the US and is a British citizen, said “40 percent” of his reason for moving to Romania was “because in Eastern Europe, none of this garbage flies,” apparently referring to “MeToo era” claims of sexual assault.

There have been reports that this raid occurred as a result of Tate’s response to Thunberg’s tweet telling him to get a life, which included a video where he could be seen eating pizza from a Romanian pizza chain, seemingly revealing his current location. Twitter was on the list of platforms that banned Tate. However, Vox.com reports his account was reactivated after five years in November.

That has not been confirmed by the authorities; however, Gândul did report that police mobilized after seeing indications on social networks that the brothers were in Romania.

Andrew and his brother are suspected of “being part of a so-called ‘loverboy’ scheme where the British citizens would pretend to have a romantic relationship with the victims, transport them to Romania, and then use a combination of physical violence and psychological manipulation to force the victims to create porn.” The perpetrators allegedly then sold those videos and used the proceeds to buy “cars, houses, and cryptocurrency.” So dickless AND dumb. Perfect. The Verve adds:

This is the second time investigators have come to the location, after a complaint to the US embassy in April claiming an American citizen was being forcibly held at the Tates’ residence. At that time, the brothers were also taken in for questioning before being released. Gândul reports that in the months since, prosecutors have been assembling evidence and also waiting to catch the Tate brothers while they were in the country.

It doesn’t really matter whether or not it was the pizza box that sealed Andrew’s fate; call it a toxic mix of karma, hubris, stupidity, insecurity, sloppiness, and being born ugly; what matters is that Whitney was right. All those years Whitney spent in front of a chalkboard crunching the numbers and running rigorous predictive analytics, taking into account both Wilson’s Neo-Enlightenment Philosophy and Lovelock’s Gaia theory, were not in vain.

this is what happens when you don’t recycle your pizza boxes

— Greta Thunberg (@GretaThunberg) December 30, 2022

The children are, in fact, the future. And the future is now.

Pic: Twitter